بخش 05

Pardon, but may l ask you

Excuse me, may l ask you

The last sheriff

Pardon me

Where is everybody going

What exactly happened to the

All day I’ve faced the barren waste

Without the taste of water

Cool water

Old Dan and I

With throats burned dry

And souls that cry

For water

Cool

l’m so sorry

l’m so sorry

Clear water

This is a heck of a hoedown you got going

Still working out those steps

So, is this considered normal civic behaviour

Every Wednesday, just like clockwork

You kill bird

Yeah

Matter of fact, l did

Snake come

Snake

He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr Rango

He never comes to town ‘cause he’s scared of that hawk

But he might come now

Can l have your boots when you’re dead

No

And l ain’t got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake

That’s just what Amos said

Amos

You got any gold fillings

My fellow Dirtonians

I welcome you to our great day of deliverance Hallelujah

Acolytes, prepare the holy spigot

We have a newcomer amongst us today, my friends

A man I think needs little introduction to you so bold has been his entry into our fair society

Mr Rango, would you step forward

The time has come, my friends

The time that was foretold

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

The sacred time

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

The time of destiny

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

The time of deliverance

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

It is the time of hydration

It’s his fault

It’s the newcomer

Burn him

He’s a witch

l get his boots

My friends, my friends

Temper your frustrations

Times will be tough from now on

Sacrifices will have to be made

But if I can help in any way, please know that my door is always

Hold it, hold it

Now, this whole thing stinks three ways to Sunday

First the bank’s run dry and now this here spigot

The bank’s run dry

What’s she talking about

She said there’s no water in the bank

This is all we have

We can’t give it all out

That was my rehydration account

None of that civil disobedience in my town, thank you very much

Thank goodness you’re here, Sheriff

Things were getting out of hand

Come right in

Let me have a gander at the source of the societal discontentment here

Mercy

All right, listen up

I’ve been thinking and l believe I’ve figured something out

You folks have a water problem

Now just pay attention, everybody

l’m trying to make a point here

Let’s say this fella here were to take a drink of water

Just one little drink

No harm, no foul, right

And you

You’re just as dried up and parched as a jackrabbit in July

So you belly on up and take you a double shot

Stay with me

What do you think happens then

Why we’d all be drinking

And before you know it, there wouldn’t be any more water

And then where would we be

We’d be thirsty

Real thirsty

We’d turn on each other like a bunch of animals

Now look here

We have got six days of water

We have got five days

As long as we’ve got water, we’ve got ourselves a town

Sheriff Rango is right

As long as we have this water, we have some hope

And you can all take it from me

My 100% fulltime employment from this moment on will be to protect our precious natural resource

Ain’t no one gonna tango with the Rango

Evening, ladies

Evening, Sheriff

And don’t you come back

Hold on there, Gordy

You get back in there and you assert yourself, and l think you’ll find the people of this here town to be surprisingly hospitable

Thank you, Sheriff

What

Not you again

l stand corrected

This ain’t the bank

l told you, Jedidiah

Hold it right there

Who’s that

It’s the Sheriff

Get them hands up where l can see them

Just as l suspected

Prospecting without the authorised equipment

Don’t move a muscle

Prospecting

Now, you got your shovel, pickaxe, Benadryl, loofah, assorted snacks, some puzzle books and you’re gonna need a permit

Loofah

Ezekiel, Jedidiah

What the Sam Hill’s going on up there

I’ve had polyps removed smarter than the two of you

Hell’s fire, this ain’t the bank

Pappy, the Sheriff is standing right here, helping us out

Gonna give us a permit for prospecting

That’s right, sir Just doing my duty

The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance

Does he look like he sounds

Well, Sheriff, if we was to hit the mother lode, being prospectors and such, where would we deposit said annuity

Here in the town of Dirt, we happen to have the finest financial institution this side of the Missouri

Protected morning, noon and night by yours truly

Much obliged

The bank’s been robbed