3بخش

Cool.

So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?

Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.

I was talking about the dragon, Shrek.

You afraid?

No, but–

Shh.

Oh, good.

Me neither.

‘Cause there’s nothing wrong with being afraid.

Fear’s a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation.

Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add.

With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn’t mean you’re a coward if you’re a little scared.

I sure as heck am not a coward.

I know that.

Donkey, two things, okay?

Shut up.

Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.

Stairs?

I thought we was looking for the princess.

The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.

What makes you think she’ll be there?

I read it in a book once.

Cool.

You handle the dragon.

I’ll handle the stairs.

I’ll find those stairs.

I’ll whip their butt too.

Those stairs won’t know which way they’re going I’m gonna take drastic steps.

Kick it to the kerb.

Don’t mess with me.

I’m the stair master.

I’ve mastered the stairs.

I wish I had a step right here I’d step all over it.

Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where’s the–

Dragon!

Donkey, look out!

Got ya!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Oh!

Aah!

Aah!

No.

Oh, no.

No!

Oh, what large teeth you have.

I mean, white, sparkling teeth.

I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, ‘cause that is one dazzling smile you got there.

Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?

And you know what else?

You’re– You’re a girl dragon!

Oh, sure!

I mean, of course you’re a girl dragon.

You’re just reeking of feminine beauty.

What’s the matter with you?

You got something in your eye?

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh.

Man, I’d really love to stay, but, you know, I’m, uh–

I’m an asthmatic, and I don’t know if it’d work out if you’re gonna blow smoke rings.

Shrek!

No!

Shrek!

Shrek!

Shrek!

Oh!

Oh!

Wake up!

What?

Are you Princess Fiona?

I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

Oh, that’s nice.

Now let’s go!

But wait, Sir Knight.

This be-ith our first meeting.

Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?

Yeah, sorry, lady.

There’s no time.

Hey, wait.

What are you doing?

You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope on to your valiant steed.

You’ve had a lot of time to plan this, haven’t you?

Mm-hmm.

But we have to savour this moment!

You could recite an epic poem for me.

A ballad?

A sonnet!

A Limerick?

Or something!

I don’t think so.

Can I at least know the name of my champion?

Um, Shrek.

Sir Shrek.

I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.

Thanks!

You didn’t slay the dragon?

It’s on my to-do list.

Now come on!

But this isn’t right!

You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.

That’s what all the other knights did.

Yeah, right before they burst into flame.

That’s not the point.

Oh!

Wait.

Where are you going?

The exit’s over there.

Well, I have to save my ass.

What kind of knight are you?

One of a kind.

Slowdown.

Slowdown, baby, please.

I believe it’s healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time.

Just call me old-fashioned.

I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship.

I’m not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this–

Magnitude really is the word I’m looking for.

Magnitude–

Hey, that is unwanted physical contact.

Hey, what are you doing?

Okay, okay.

Let’s just backup a little and take this one step a ta time.

We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals.

I’m on theroada lot, but I just love receiving cards–

I’d really love to stay, but–

Don’t do that!

That’s my tail!

That’s my personal tail.

You’re gonna tear it off.

I don’t give permission–

What are you gonna do with that?

Hey, now.

No way.

No!

No!

No, no!

No.

No, no, no!

No!

Oh!

Hi, Princess!

It talks!

Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick.

Oh!

Okay, you two, head for the exit!

I’ll take care of the dragon.

Run!

You did it!

You rescued me!

You’re amazing.

You’re–

You’re wonderful.

You’re a little unorthodox I’ll admit.

But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure.

I am eternally in your debt.

And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?

I hope you heard that.

She called me a noble steed.

She think I’m a steed.

The battle is won.

You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

Uh, no.

Why not?

I have helmet hair.

Please.

I would’st look upon the face of my rescuer.

No, no, you wouldn’t– ‘st.

But how will you kiss me?

What?

That wasn’t in the job description.

Maybe it’s a perk.

No, it’s destiny.

Oh, you must know how it goes.

A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love’s first kiss.

Hmm?

With Shrek?

You think–

Wait.

Wait.

You think that Shrek is your true love?

Well, yes.

You think Shrek is your true love!

What is so funny?

Let’s just say I’m not your type, okay?

Of course, you are.

You’re my rescuer.

Now–

Now remove your helmet.

Look.

I really don’t think this is a good idea.

Just take off the helmet.

I’m not going to.

Take it off.

No!

Now!

Okay!

Easy.

As you command, Your Highness.

You–

You’re a– an ogre.

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.

Well, yes, actually.

Oh, no.

This is all wrong.

You’re not supposed to be an ogre.

Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay?

He’s the one who wants to marry you.

Then why didn’t he come rescue me?

Good question.

You should ask him that when we get there.

But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his– his pet.

So much for noble steed.

You’re not making my job any easier.

I’m sorry, but your job is not my problem.

You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I’ll be waiting for him right here.

Hey!

I’m no one’s messenger boy, all right?

I’m a delivery boy.

You wouldn’t dare.

Put me down!

Ya coming, Donkey?

I’m right behind ya.

Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences!

This is not dignified!

Put me down!

Okay, so here’s another question.

Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way.

How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten?

You just tell her she’s not your true love.

Everyone knowest what happens when you find your–

Hey!

The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.

You’re gonna love it there, Princess.

It’s beautiful!

And what of my groom-to-be?

Lord Farquaad?

What’s he like?

Let me put it this way, Princess.

Men of Farquaad’s stature are in short supply.

I don’t know.

There are those who think little of him.

Stop it.

Stop it, both of you.

You’re just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, Princess.

But I’ll let you do the measuring when you see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

It’ll take that Ion?

Shouldn’t we stop to make camp?

No, that’ll take longer.

We can keep going.

But there’s robbers in the woods.

Whoa!

Time out, Shrek!

Camping is starting to sound good.

Hey, come on.

I’m scarier than anything we’re going to see in this forest.

I need to find somewhere to camp now!

Hey!

Over here.

Shrek, we can do better than that.

I don’t think this is fit for a princess.

No, no, it’s perfect.

It just needs a few homey touches.

Homey touches?

Like what?

A door?

Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.

You want me to read you a bedtime story?

I will.

I said good night!

Shrek, what are you doing?

I just–

You know–

Oh, come on.

I was just kidding.

And, uh, that one, that’s Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.

Right.

Yeah.

Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?

The stars don’t tell the future, Donkey.

They tell stories.

Look, there’s BITNET, the Fitment.

You can guess what he’s famous for.

I know you’re making this up.

No, look.

There he is, and there’s the group of hunters running away from his stench.

That is nothing but a bunch of little dots.

Sometimes things are more than they appear.

Hmm?

Forget it.

Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?

Our swamp?

You know, when we’re through rescuing the princess.

We?

Donkey, there’s no we.

There’s no our.

There’s just me and my swamp.

The first thing I’m gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.

You cut me deep, Shrek.

You cut me real deep just now.

You know what I think?

I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.

No, do ya think?

Are you hiding something?

Never mind, Donkey.

Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn’t it?

No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.

Why don’t you want to talk about it?

Why do you want to?

Why are you blocking?

I’m not blocking.

Oh, yes, you are.

Donkey, I’m warning you.

Who you trying to keep out?

Everyone!

Okay?