2بخش

THE CAT: I guess it’s hard to leave home for the first time.

Although, I was six days old when I left.

All my folks ever did for me was lick my eyeballs open, sent me packin’.

He’ll be all right.

Maybe.

Jane!

Where are we going?

To the end of the rainbow.

End of the rainbow?

How far is that?

Not far.

Right, orphan friend?

WAIT.

WAIT.

WAIT.

WAIT.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Walk.

BARNABYS: Ooh!

TIM: Barnabys!

JANE: Excuse me.

Coming through.

Yep, sorry.

TIM: Excuse me, excuse me.

Jane, the people!

The people!

This way.

Wait for me!

Yes!

Over here.

TIM: Jane!

I got pee in my shoes.

Are we getting close?

JANE: We’re almost there.

This looks like the bad part of town.

Self-taught.

Look at that.

Isn’t it wonderful?

The perfect home.

THE CAT: Usually in old-fashioned stories, rainbows have treasure at the end, don’t they?

Not this one.

“No trespassing”?

Well, that’s a bust.

Look!

Duckies!

Jane.

BARNABY: FACTORY!

BARNABYS!

No!

JANE: Hi, duckies!

They’re so chubby!

TIM: Barnabys!

Jane!

TIM: Willoughbys do not trespass!

JANE: The perfect home.

Yay!

BARNABY A: It’s a candy factory!

BARNABY B: So many machines.

BARNABY A: So many buttons.

Levers.

Levers.

Levers.

Buttons.

Buttons.

Buttons.

♪ Under the rainbow, I will spin ♪

♪ The perfect home for my best friend ♪

Wow!

Rainbow food?

This place has everything.

Hey!

Orphan has a home.

We go home.

We can’t just leave her outside.

It’s not safe.

What if there are.

wolves?

Wolves?

TIM: Here.

You found her in a box?

We leave her in a box.

Wolves do hate boxes.

Balance restored.

Um, uh.

Tim, wait!

What if we gave her a name?

A proper three-syllable name, like, uh.

oh, Taffeta!

T-A-F-F-E–

Hey!

Her name is Ruth.

JANE: Ruth?

Yes.

Because re-orphaning her makes us the ruthless Willoughbys.

Now be ruthless and say goodbye.

Okay.

Oh, Ruth.

I’ll always know where to find you.

At the end of the rainbow.

To home!

Jane!

Who disturbs my work?

We’re trespassing!

Who–

Huh.

What is in my box?

Ruth?

You’re not candy.

Such a magnificent mustache.

This is the perfect home.

I really hope we’re doing the right thing.

Of course we are, Jane.

A great man with a great home must have a great family.

Just imagine what that lucky orphan’s life will be like.

Ugh.

I wish we had a home like Ruth, where we didn’t have to steal food and nobody would say,”Shut up, Jane!”

Oh, we would eat at a table like the great Willoughbys of old.

Our mustaches would grow long, and no one would ever have to go to the coal bin again.

unless they wanted coal.

I want a factory.

Big factory.

Wait.

We could have all of that.

Except for the factory.

How?

What if we became orphans?

That is your iffiest what-if yet.

We have parents.

Bad parents.

Terrible parents.

But what if we didn’t?

It’s like in the books.

Pollyanna’s died of cholera in India.

James, that peach fellow’s parents were eaten by a hippo.

I thought it was a rhinoceros.

Think about how great our family could be if they were gone.

Jane, are you seriously suggesting–

We orphan ourselves.

Yes!

Ghastly!

Ruthless.

No!

Getting rid of an orphan is one thing.

How do you propose we discard of two insidious grown-ups?

Easy.

No!

No.

Not there.

There.

No!

JANE: No.

There.

Wha.

$999, and all your troubles will be gone for good.

You’ll love it.

Gone for good?

A folded piece of shiny paper?

We can send them away.

What if we orphaned ourselves?

Yeah.

Cracking idea, Tim.

To home!

THE CAT: I love this plan.

Okay, humans, calm down.

Don’t get all sensitive.

“Ooh! This is bad.”

It’s nature.

It’ll work out.

Look, these kids needed a change.

Y’know?

I did warn you this story wasn’t all fluffy and fuzzy.

Oh, blimey, those are sharp scissors.

Watch the eyes!

We shall craft a murderous adventure that gives our insidious parents exactly what they want.

To be left alone with their love.

Precisely.

A romantic getaway, hiding deadly orphaning opportunities.

If they do not melt in the hottest places on Earth.

TIM: they shall drown in the wettest.

Cannibals will feast unless they freeze in glacial ice, or dissolve in fields of acid first.

TIM: They shall not escape the bears, but if they do, we have saved the deadliest spot for last the Unclimbable Alp in Sveetzerlünd.

ALL: He who goes up does not come down.

The Reprehensible Travel Agency.

No children allowed.

Behold!

Wow.

Mmm.

Ah.

Exquisite.

What?

Hmm?

Father.

Yes, poopsie.

What is it?

Hmm.

What does it say, Fatherkins?

“See the world.”

See the world?

“Have adventures.”

I’d love to have an adventure!

You know what else, Mother?

What, Father?

No children allowed!

I would love that.

Do the hula, my love.

You make me spin whirlybird style.

No.

Stop.

Wait.

If we leave these children here alone, they’ll ruin everything.

Oh.

What if we didn’t leave them here alone?

Huh?

We could get them a nanny.

But aren’t good nannies expensive?

Yes, Mother.

So we’ll hire a not-good nanny for cheap.

THE CAT: To adventure.

Are they gullible or what?

I mean, I never thought they’d fall for it.

Did you?

Oh, you are my muse, flipsy-poop.

Mmm.

Now that’s gonna be a fun ride.

Go on, pick me up.

Put me in sideways.

FATHER: Mother’s been friends with her fork.

THE CAT: Well, that was easy.

To adventure!

MOTHER: Ooh!

THE CAT: Everyone got what they wanted.

MOTHER: To adventure!

THE CAT: All good.

Told you this would work out.

They’re gone?

We did it.

We.

Are.

BOTH: ORPHANS!

BOTH: Whee-hee!

BOTH: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Orphan home.

Orphan home.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Hmm.

You are punished!

Great Edmund, enjoy thy wall.

Willoughby.

EDMUND: Timothy, you are the man of the house!

With great responsibility comes great mustache.

Tim, Tim, Tim.

Tim, Tim, Tim.

JANE: Tim.

JANE: Tim!

Tim!

Is it morning?

We’re hungry.

Haven’t eaten in hours.

Days.

Starving.

What’s food?

I hear your childish needs, and as man of the house, I will provide.

THE CAT: See?

Told you this would all work out.

Let the greatness begin.

THE CAT: Oh, Tim.

Warm thy Willoughby self.

Simply divine.

Dinner is served!

A proper meal for a proper family.

Delicious lobster on a bed of coal!

Ta-da!

Tim, is that from the wall?

Old lobster.

Really old.

Old food is the best food.

I’m going.

What?

You’re skipping the cheese plate?

Charcuterie mouse!

This is getting weird.

I pass.

THE CAT: I’ll eat it.

What?

Hey!

Where the Willoughby are you going?

Out.

Ruth has rainbow food at her place and–

We did not orphan ourselves so you could go toodle-doodling, eating fancy rainbow food with your friends.

I am an orphan and I do what I want.

No, you can’t.

I can.

You shan’t.

I shan!

No, you–

Hello!

Stranger.

Danger.

Trespasser!

Fear not, skinny orange boy, for I am your nanny!

No, I’m in charge!

I’ve read about nannies.

What kind of nanny are you?

Did you fly in on the east wind or the west?

West.

Where’s your umbrella?

Here.

Do you eat children?

Sometimes.

Why are you here?

I was hired by your loving parents.

Loving?

Parents?

I’ve got no qualifications, but a cheery disposition.

Here to service all your childish needs.

I cook, clean.

SING!

What?

You sing?

Yeah!

All nannies sing.

I sing, too.

What if we sing together?

Yeah!

Everybody, come on!