Conversation Techniques

In the last lesson we talked about how to describe your routine how to talk about what you do.

Usually on a normal day and also how to talk about your responsibilities.

In this lesson we’re going to be talking about how to start a conversation.

You’re probably taking this course because you want to learn how to have conversations with other people.

Maybe native English speakers in work situations or maybe in your daily life.

So this class will focus on how we begin those conversations naturally.

It’s actually not as hard as you may think.

Once you get started in a conversation it’s pretty easy to keep it going but getting started in a conversation can be difficult.

If you don’t know what you’re doing or how to do it.

So that’s what this class is all about.

We’re going to talk about some techniques for doing it and then as we always do we’re going to look at a couple of real life examples so that you can deeply get the feeling for it so that when you go out there to have conversations it’ll be easy.

Tip number one for having conversations is whenever you find yourself in a situation with other people and you’d like to start a conversation you first have to realize what situation you’re in.

You may have learned that talking about the weather is always a good way to begin talking with somebody right.

It’s pretty hot these days isn’t it.

This is the traditional way that many English language learners are taught to begin conversations.

Oh it’s it’s pretty hot today but this is a little bit awkward and doesn’t work in every situation.

How about this weather.

These are sort of the traditional things what you can do instead is pay careful attention to what the situation is and when you do that you will see what you share with the other person the person you want to talk with and when you realize what you share with that person you’ll be able to pick out a good question that is natural that can make that person want to say something or pick out a good comment to say to the other person that will make them want to talk with you right.

So focus on where you are.

Are you at a doctor’s office.

Are you in the park.

Are you in a class.

Are you in your workplace.

What things do you have in common with that person.

Then how can you make a comment or a question based on that.

Now sometimes the thing that you have in common is not the whole situation itself but something the other person is doing or wearing right.

For example if you like skateboarding and you see another person skateboarding obviously that’s the thing that you should use to begin a conversation but it could also be what somebody is wearing maybe a watch and you know something about watches and you can use that.

We’ll look at examples of how to do that later on.

So these are the two questions I ask myself before I start a conversation with somebody and I’m thinking about how to begin what to say right.

That first difficult thing whether it’s a comment or question what situation are we in.

What do we have in common whatever you come up with then after you ask yourself these questions can then be the basic idea that you use to make a comment or ask a question to the person you want to start a conversation with.

If you ask a question that comes out of nowhere and it’s just a shot in the dark do you like basketball then it’s likely probable that the person you asked that question too will feel uncomfortable awkward awkward but if it is really an interesting question that focuses on what is shared between you then that person will feel interested in what you asked and will want to talk.

Make it your goal to say something that makes the other person want to say something back.

If you’re doing all the hard work then it’s not really a conversation.

So for example a lot of people send me messages on on WeChat right.

I’m always on on WeChat which has a it’s like Facebook messenger if you don’t know it.

And they often say for example or how long have you been using WeChat.

Well that’s it.

That’s a pretty good question because that’s the first time they’ve connected with me on WeChat and it’s something we both have in common.

Hey we both use WeChat so it’s an interesting question.

It makes me want to answer it.

So maybe if somebody has seen one of my other courses or video and messages me we can use the fact that we don’t know each other to ask interesting questions like.

Which city do you live in.

And then we can ask more questions about that.

The thing we have in common is that we don’t know physically where the other person is because maybe we’re contacting on WeChat sometimes email because we don’t know that that can be the thing that we share.

So that can be the interesting question.

Which city do you live in.

Which country do you live in.

Where are you from.

And we use the same basic idea to make comments.

Again if somebody’s messages me who I’ve never talked to before maybe because they saw a video or maybe saw one of my courses they might say for example you’ve probably seen so many different kinds of incorrect English which is absolutely right.

And then I’ll say yes absolutely and then maybe I’ll want to share a funny story that one is not based on where we are it’s based on something that we share which is that maybe I’ve taught languages and your learning languages.

So messaging me using that thing that we share and making a comment about what may be true about my life and about me even if it’s wrong is a good start because if it’s not right at least I can correct you.

And that can be that could be an interesting beginning point as well.

When you’re starting a conversation it’s very important to judge body language.

There are times when you’re going to maybe start a conversation and the other person doesn’t want to talk to you.

You need to be able to notice that and let it go and accept that maybe this time it’s not working okay.

And it’s the same if somebody is trying to talk with you and you’re not in the mood or you’re thinking about something else or you’re busy on your phone you’ll show that with your body language what you do with your body what you do with your face your facial expression maybe.

So if people show impatience or if they seem like they’re maybe a bit distracted or if they give very short answers it’s probably best to move on and maybe talk to somebody else because they’re probably trying to show you or signal hey not really in the mood for a conversation now or I just I don’t really want want to talk.

It’s not always rude right.

But sometimes people just don’t really want to have a conversation and that’s OK so you have to be able to pay attention to people’s reactions to their faces and see if they’re interested genuinely in talking with you or not.

If not don’t try to force it.

Not a good idea.