At an Event

So let’s say now we’re at a speaking event.

We’ve gone to an event where there will be a speaker talking about some topic or maybe there will be several speakers or perhaps it’s a conference.

Several days several speakers a lot of different meetings things like that.

OK so someone’s going to give a talk and it’s a well-known person let’s say his name is Francis Kane.

I’m making this up.

All right.

So friends Cain is going to give a talk.

If your name is Francis Cain.

That is insane.

You must have communicated to me in the past.

So how do you know the speaker if this were hanging out maybe before the talk hanging out before this person’s presentation.

Maybe I’ll have a beer or maybe it’s this kind of relaxed event.

I’ve got a beer.

This could be called a mixer.

Sometimes there are mixers where you have a presentation and also the opportunity to mix with other people.

Well that’s the perfect opportunity to start conversations.

That’s kind of what mixers are for.

Right.

OK.

So how do you know the speaker.

Actually I worked with him several years ago.

He was my boss.

So the speaker maybe is fairly well-known person.

Now we have a lot to talk about.

Or actually I watched a couple of his lectures on YouTube.

So I wanted to come to see him speak.

How do you know the speaker.

Actually I’m not familiar with the speaker.

What’s he going to talk about.

I’m just here for the mixer.

So doesn’t matter what the answer is even if they don’t know the speaker then they can say something else that you can grab on to.

I’m just here for the mixer than I can say Oh actually the speaker is going to be talking about or I could maybe ask some other question about why they wanted to come here for the mixer.

I could say Oh so what company are you with.

Right.

My follow up question What company are you with.

Then people can talk about the company that they represent or if they don’t represent a company and they’re there by themselves.

Well that’s also interesting.

So again it’s not too important what question it is.

As long as it’s related to the situation or contextual and hopefully a little bit interesting.

Again the goal of the question should be to get the other person to want to say something they shouldn’t have to struggle to say something.

Now we could also make comments.

I like your hat.

Did you make that.

This is a question and a comment.

Maybe someone is wearing a I don’t know a really cool fedora.

Maybe they’re wearing a fedora.

And you don’t usually see a person wearing a fedora at conference.

So you say I like your hat.

Very simple.

Did you make it.

Maybe it looks kind of messy.

Then they probably want to talk about it.

If somebody is going to wear something that’s a little different than everybody else wearing a hat at a conference they might want to talk about it.

I realize that question seems a little silly but it’s something and at least I can see if that person wants to have a conversation or not.

And it is showing interest in them.

It’s showing that hey I noticed something about you.

It could even be somebodies shoes or the way that somebody is standing maybe they’re standing by themselves.

And I could say hey we why are you standing by yourself.

This is a mixer.

Right.

And then they could say Oh well I you know I’m just not really in a good mood or whatever.

Again notice something.

Notice something about them.

Don’t make it all about you.

Make it about them.

Make a comment about them.

Make a comment about the situation that you share and then you can judge to see if they would like to talk to you or not.

This one is just a regular comment that we could make about the situation not about you not about me.

I’m surprised so many people showed up here on a Tuesday or maybe it’s Tuesday afternoon and you expect people to be at work or at school.

And so it’s kind of unexpected that this place would be so busy so full this event but maybe the speaker is very popular.

So the other person could say well you know the speaker is very popular.

He’s got a lot of fans on YouTube.

So makes sense to me.

Yeah.

I didn’t actually know he had so many fans on YouTube.

Actually I haven’t seen any of his YouTube videos.

Really.

You should really watch them because he’s got some really great videos whatever you want to say the conversation then can continue from there.

You may notice that at no point have I said my name is Luke.

Hello.

Nice to meet you.

My name is Luke.

Usually you shouldn’t begin a conversation this way if you walk up to someone who you don’t know and you say hello there.

My name is Luke.

It’s odd it’s awkward it’s strange.

So when should you say it when should you say your name when should you introduce yourself.

That can be very quick and it’s not really a big deal.

Maybe you make a comment or ask a simple question as we’ve been talking about.

And then at some point after a minute or two into the conversation you say by the way by the way I’m Luke.

And if you just say that they’ll probably say Oh and I’m Kathy.

Whatever the other person’s name is you could say what’s your name.

But if you start with that.

It’s quite awkward.

And then it’s hard to get a conversation going from there.

Now you could use very general questions like What company do you represent.

But my recommendation is to first think what you have in common and then come up with the good common.

Good question.

Then everything else should be pretty easy.

The conversation should flow.

And after a while you can say by the way my name is Luke.

So that’s pretty easy right.

So we’ve learned the techniques for getting conversations started with people that we don’t know we need to look at the situation itself.

Think about what we share with others.

Ask good questions.

Make interesting comments.

Pay attention to body language.

To practice this.

What I’d like you to do is look at this situation.

The first day of work.

It’s kind of similar to the first day of school one and come up with three to five questions that would be good to ask somebody in this situation.

Maybe it’s not their first day of work.

It’s just your first day of work so you might be talking to somebody who’s been working here for a while.

Be a new person in the office.

OK three to five questions and then ask yourself the questions or ask somebody else the questions a friend and practice and see if these questions help get the conversation started.

Again the questions should be contextual should be interesting and should make the other person want to say something back.

Want to explain themselves.

Want to talk about something.

This is the key to having natural conversations with people you just met.

Good luck.