Travelling - Part 2

So a second body paragraph you can see here we’re looking at the benefits.

But as I mentioned earlier we want to do our best to transition smoothly between the two body paragraphs.

We want to do our best to create a link between the two body paragraphs whether that’s with an appropriate cohesive device whether that’s with referencing it needs to be there if you want to maximize your score incoherence in cohesion let’s use referencing today to link these paragraphs together rather than any particular cohesive device.

Now referencing is often a case of using a demonstrated pronoun.

So let’s put it right in here.

This this this what what have we been talking about here.

We’ve been talking about the reasons for what the reasons for the number of people travelling increasing in other ways this growth in travel this growth in travel.

Maybe that expression didn’t come to mind.

That’s not important.

That’s not what I want to emphasize here.

What I want to emphasize is that we are referencing back to the previous paragraph and to the topic as a whole that is the idea with cohesion you’re not just linking between sentences you’re not just linking between ideas and not just linking between paragraphs you’re linking everything together into this kind of network of ideas really tricky.

But on the page it looks really simple.

That’s the funny thing about coherence and cohesion when you get very good at it.

It’s supposed to attract no attention.

That’s what you need to do to get a band Nine it’s written in the band’s script to requirements band Nine says uses cohesion in a way that it attracts no attention.

OK.

Let’s carry on this growth in travel means that now I want to introduce just the fact that we’re talking about benefits here.

So it means that many people can now enjoy the benefits of travelling nice and simple.

OK.

Now we’re going to transition into the first idea.

The first benefits we can use this nice expression.

I can’t remember if I’ve used this one with you yet not least among them.

This is a good way of transitioning from a group of points like benefits into an individual point.

We’ve looked at something like this before with something like the most obvious of which is the biggest of which is the best of which is that sort of thing.

And here we can use not least among them to mean that this is an important example that we’re giving.

So it’s an important one.

So not least among them we’ve got stress levels reduce but I need to follow it with a noun.

So we’ll go a reduction in stress levels a reduction in stress levels.

Okay.

Let’s move into the second sentence.

We could use a.

This happens because if we wanted to because it’s the last essay let’s not rely on cohesive devices that we already know about we’ll try to transition a little bit more organically.

We’ll just go with travellers can use trips abroad trips abroad travelling we’re going to trying to paraphrase when possible too.

Now I use the verb earlier relief a really good verb when using it with the noun anxiety or anxieties.

So to relieve their work related as I put here in the plan anxieties good verb noun Col occasion understanding sharing your ability in that area.

Travellers can use trips abroad to relieve their work related anxieties.

It seems a bit short to me I’m gonna add a little bit more so stress is often about dwelling on the past or worrying about the future and with stress you’ll rarely in the present moment.

So let’s emphasize the points by talking about being on holiday allows you to be in the present moments.

Again show our colonisation understanding focus on the present moment.

Okay now it’s long enough I feel quite comfortable ending the sentence that moving into the next sentence we can see here that we’ve got a result sentence but it was a result on top of another results.

And when we do this we can use the expression in term we’d say in intern this.

But another thing that you can do just to show a little bit more variation a little bit more range in your ability is to switch the order a bit.

We can say in turn this so we could say this in turn double come here shows a bit more range.

This in turn can.

And here we have the plan.

Increase happiness and nice and simple straight to it and boost the immune system.

So this in turn can increase happiness and boost their immune system.

Maybe there’s a bit of a lack of symmetry here.

Perhaps we should add there here as well.

So this in turn can increase their happiness and boost their immune system.

Obvious benefits.

You know we don’t have to explain that benefit.

We’ve explained how it can happen.

It’s because you know the anxiety is reduced but we don’t have to explain why it’s a benefit as an obvious benefit.

So we can move on to the second benefits and we actually going to use that language.

A second benefit.

We’ve used the Web benefits.

Let’s go with the word marriage to be careful with words like marriage.

It’s not always they’re not always easy to use.

I would recommend just reading examples of the word merit in use to understand where it can naturally appear and where it can appear a bit forced and unnatural.

So here it’s fine a second merits of travelling is what have we got here.

Broaden horizons so is that its can help doesn’t always help again remember to avoid those generalizations.

I know that there are few instances of using can that kind of difficult to avoid.

I wouldn’t worry about that too much is that it can help to broaden people’s horizons.

Okay.

Make sure you add some sort of agent in here broad and people’s broad and travelers broad and tourist whatever you want needs to be something in that broaden people’s horizons.

Now this idea of new experiences.

I put this next to an S.

But I think it lends itself more naturally to an example sentence.

Now I used for instance up here sit down here I’m going to use for example and we’re going to talk about these new experiences but I want to bring in more topic related vocabulary I want to expand the idea here.

What are these new experiences.

Exactly.

With a case of going to new places.

In other words something a little bit less common exploring unfamiliar regions would be a nice way to put it.

Exploring unfamiliar regions gives new experiences so gives travellers.

It doesn’t necessarily give them new experiences but it certainly gives them a chance to enjoy new experiences.

I’m I’m not sure I like enjoying new experiences.

I think what I will actually do is turn the word experience the noun experience into a verb here a chance to experience by doing this.

I open up another opportunity to show more topic related vocabulary so instead of saying a chance to enjoy new experiences.

That’s okay let’s say experience new cultures.

Much better.

New cultures and meet people from different can’t use cultures again.

So let’s use backgrounds from different backgrounds for example exploring unfamiliar regions gives travelers a chance to experience new cultures and meet people from different backgrounds.

As I mentioned before though we haven’t really explained why that’s a benefit.

It’s kind of obvious but I feel like it needs a little bit more.

It’s not like up above where we talked about increasing happiness and boosting the immune system.

Obvious benefits down here.

Some people might say that meeting people from different backgrounds is a bad thing.

You know it would be rare but you could perhaps make that argument.

So we want to make a clear reference to why it’s a good thing.

So let’s do that here.

As a result we haven’t used it yet.

So as a result travelers can enjoy and a nice car allocation.

Nice adjective now called occasion a deep or deeper appreciation for the wealth.

We’ll keep it relatively short because we are increasing the word count but we do need to explain why it’s a benefit and that’s obvious.

We’re using the verb enjoy for starters and then we’ve got deeper appreciation.

These obvious benefits here we have a word count of 2 4 3.

So we are still under the 250 but we’re climbing dangerously high.

Therefore we shouldn’t spend too much time on the conclusion but we will take care with it at the same time.

Just like before.

Just like with every essay we need to make sure that we summarize the main key points of our essay in order to score a 9.

So let’s start in the usual way.

In conclusion and this is going to be the final paragraph of this course.

So pay attention.

In conclusion.

Now most of the time so far we have set up conclusions like this.

Two of the reasons for two of the benefits for some of the advantages of we’ve always ordered it with the words benefits disadvantages problems reasons.

At the beginning of the sentence this time I want to switch the order and put those words at the end of the sentence or in the second half of the sentence.

Just so because it’s our last conclusion you have a little bit more range and flexibility when it comes to the essay.

The idea with this course is to give you lots and lots of different approaches.

Hopefully I’ve done that.

We’re going to have a look at one more here.

So instead of looking at the word reasons at the beginning of the sentence we’re going to look at it in the second half.

That means the reasons themselves come from the second half of the sentence and come back to the first half.

So we put them in right here.

So immediately I need to look at my reasons.

The first one was affordable.

What is the noun of affordable affordability.

Affordability.

So greater affordability and and the second reason we have social media here.

So let’s say the what’s the noun of influential influence and the influence of social media.

So paraphrasing as well are two reasons why.

So instead of saying two reasons why travelling has become more popular are greater affordability and the influence of social media.

We’ve switched it around and we’re saying greater affordability and the influence of social media are two reasons why more people are travelling than ever before.

Let’s paraphrase that away from the task.

A nice expression.

A record number of people are travelling these days.

We know it’s a record number.

Without even knowing the number because up here we’ve got than ever before.

That suggests that the number is higher.

It’s a record.

So a record number of people are travelling these days.

Now we can move into the second sentence and this time we’ll switch the order back to the normal order.

Again it’s showing your range.

You’re saying to the Examiner Look I can switch the structure of sentences with ease and flexibility.

So instead of saying the benefits of the beginning the benefits themselves at the beginning we use the word the benefits at the beginning.

The benefits for these travelers.

Again notice the referencing here.

I can combine these two sentence together together link them together through the diminutive pronoun we’re referring to these people here.

The benefits for these travellers include.

What have we got.

Stress Reduction I say decreased stress levels.

Yeah I’m using stress levels again but I am changing the word before to decreased instead of a reduction.

Decreased stress levels and increased a nice thing here is a nice bit of symmetry decrease this and increase this increased we got appreciation.

Let’s add the word awareness and appreciation a nice bit of alliteration to end our course.

Aye aye aye.

Okay.

And that is the end of that essay.

The word count in the end wasn’t too high.

Only five words over the 10 percent increase.

Two hundred and eighty words.

Now let’s just consider what we’ve done here.

Where will we were looking at a slightly trickier question a two part question but again you don’t need to panic with these questions.

It’s simply a case of answering the first question in the first paragraph and answering the second question in the second body paragraph.

Particularly if you can’t naturally link those ideas together but do make sure to try and link the paragraphs together in a cohesive fashion whether that’s with referencing as we’ve done here or with an appropriate cohesive device.

Try to do that as much as you can throughout the course of the essay between ideas between sentences between paragraphs and over the whole essay.

Like I said before a network of ideas or interrelated if possible so that you attract no attention with your cohesion you will now have one last vocabulary exercise to check out.

As always if you have any questions about this essay about the vocabulary exercise or about anything it’s all that you’ve watched in this video course.

Do not hesitate to get in touch.

I try and respond to every question sometimes it takes me a little while but I do get back to everyone eventually.

All that’s left for me to say is that I really hope that you’ve enjoyed this course and that you’ve found it useful.

I created this course specifically because I had so many people asking me to repeat the type of video that I had at the end of my task to cause where I went through a model answer.

I thought about just doing a different question.

One question for each question type which would have left me with four questions that I thought No let’s go and create 10 different walk through is on different topics so that you have the best preparation available.

I hope I’ve done that for you.

If you’ve enjoyed this course please leave a review.

If you have anything critical to say and also leave a review I appreciate every comment that I receive.

This has been a course from Matt at the arts teacher.

This is Matt signing off and wishing you all all the best in your arts exams.