Theres No Disgrace Like Home

Yeah

Oh, yeah

Yeah Yeah

Yeah Oh, yeah

Yeah

Hey, what’s the problem here

We were fighting over which one of us loves you more

You were Aw, well, go ahead you love him more

No, you do

No, I don’t

Yes, you do

You better get this out of your system right now

I don’t want you embarrassing me at my boss’s picnic

Mmm Marshmallow

Homer

I’m tying to get the unfortunate noises out of my system while I can

I don’t want to embarrass myself at the company picnic

Are you sure that’s enough

The boss loves your delicious gelatin desserts

Oh, Homer, Mr Burns just said he liked it once

That’s the only time he’s ever spoken to me without using the word “bonehead”

There it is, kids

Stately Burns Manor Heaven on Earth

Okay, now look, my boss is gonna be at this picnic

I want you to show your father some love and or respect

Tough choice

I’m picking respect

Good to see you

Glad you could make it

Oh, Thank you, Mr Burns

I’m so glad you invited us

Not me

I had to miss little league for this

Quiet, Tom

Oh, please, don’t fight Just go out back and have a good time

Fire that man, Smithers

I don’t want him or his unpleasant family to ruin my picnic

He’ll be gone by the tug-of-war, sir

Excellent

Uh, afternoon, Mr Burns

Uh, hello, there, uh uh

Simpson, Homer

Here you go, sir

Oh, yes Uh, oh, and this must be your lovely wife, Marge

Oh, and look at little, uh, Lisa

Why, she’s growing like a weed

And this must be, uh, Brat

Bart

Don’t correct the man, Brat

Oh, boss, look what we brought gelatin desserts

Oh, for the love of Peter

That’s all anybody brought

Some damn fool went around telling everyone I love that slimy goop

Well, toss it in the pile over there

And make yourselves at home

Hear that, Dad

You can lie around in your underwear and scratch yourself

Now, you listen to me

Trouble, Simpson

No just congratulating the son on a fine joke about his old man

Now remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family

Hey, Bart, last one in the fountain’s a rotten egg

Be normal

Be normal

What an adorable little girl

Thank you

Why don’t we dump them in the nursery and get a glass of punch

Oh, I’m not much of a drinker

Hey, isn’t that your boy there torturing the swans

Bart

Maybe I will take you up on that punch

Gee, do you think we should leave the kids unsupervised

You’re right There

Bart Lisa

Where are you kids

Got ya

Careful Blow a gasket, lose your job

The father/son-sack race will begin in five minutes on the north lawn

Participation is mandatory

Repeat, mandatory

That is all you remember the rules

Shut my mouth, and let your boss win

Hey

I don’t know who to love more: my son, Joshua, who’s captain of the football team, : Or my daughter, Amber, who got the lead in the school play

Usually, I use their grades as a tiebreaker, but they both got straight A’s this term

What’s a mother to do

Well, I sense greatness in my family

Your family

Well, it’s a greatness that others can’t see, but it’s there

And if it’s not true greatness we have, we’re at least average

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think there’s a little “al-key-hol” in this punch

Mr Burns, are you ready

Yes

Are you set

Yes

Go, Mr Burns

Man, this is pathetic I’m goin’ for it

Bart, no No No No

Oh, no, wait Oh, no Bart, don’t

Don’t No

Close one this year

Here we sit enjoying the shade

Hey, brother, pour on the wine

Drink the drink that I have made

Hey, brother, pour on the wine

He’s here at last my one and only Good-bye friends

And don’t be lonely

Hey, brother, pour on the wine

Marge, I need you

Hey, Homie, did you try the punch

Snap out of it, Marge

You’ve gotta come with me

The boss is going to make a toast

Well, I’m not much of a drinker

Why, you picked a perfect time to start

Musicians, cease that infernal tootling

“Thank you all” uh,”for coming”

Marge, knock it off

Well, I’m sorry

I’m sorry I’m sorry

Marge

“But now it’s time to say good-bye

Please get off my property until next year”

I suggest you don’t dawdle

The hounds will be released in ten minutes

Did you have a good time, son

Yeah, thanks, Pop

Aw, that’s the kind of family unity I like to see

Smithers

Yes, sir

Get that man’s name

I predict big things for him down at the power plant

Quick, Bart, give me a kiss

Kiss you

But, Dad, I’m your kid

Bart, please

Five bucks for a kiss

I have never seen such an obvious attempt to curry my favor

Fabulous observation, sir Just fabulous

Boy, I’m glad that’s over

Now we can go home and act normal

What do you mean

Aw, come on That cornball routine

“I love you, Daddy”

Give me a break

I pity you

Why

After you

Thank you so much

Me first

No, me

Me

Me

No, me

No, me

Me Me

Honey, you look so tired

Would you like me to drive

Oh, Homie, I think I’m going to be sick

There was a farmer who had a dog

And Bingo was his name Oh

B-i-n-g-o B-i-n-g-o

B-i-n-g-o and Bingo was his name, oh

Homie, get in the car

This is where you belong

Yeah, Homer

Room for one more

One of us

One of us

One of us

One of us

B-i-n-g-o B-i-n-g-o

B-i-n-g-o

The father of the family has worked all day to find this food for his children

Unable to fend for themselves, the baby bald eaglets are dependent on their mother regurgitating food which she has found

Hey

Look, everybody

Yesterday was a real eye-opener

We’ve got to do better as a family

Tonight, we’re not going to shovel food in our mouths while we stare at the TV

We’re going to eat at the dining room table like a normal family

Happy, Dad

Yes

Good Commence shoveling

No

We’re going to say grace first

Okay

Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub

No Ignore the boy, Lord

Can the chatter, and bow your heads

Dear Lord, Thank you for this microwave bounty, even though we don’t deserve it

I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions

Pardon my French, but the Y act like savages

Did you see them at the picnic

Of course you did

You’re everywhere You’re “omnivorous”

O Lord, why did you smite me with this family

Amen

Let’s eat

No, I’m not done yet

But, Homer, how long are we supposed to sit here and listen to you bad-mouth us to the Man Upstairs

I’m sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we’re the worst family in town

Maybe we should move to a larger community

Don’t have a cow, Dad

The sad truth is, all families are like us

You think so, huh

Well, there’s only one way to find out

Follow me

Look at that, kids No fighting

No yelling

No belching

The dad has his shirt on

Look, napkins

These people are obviously freaks

Oh, you think so

Well, let’s see what’s behind door number two

What are they doing

They’re having a conversation

They actually enjoy talking to each other

I wish I could hear what they’re saying

Papa, I believe I heard some rustling in the bushes

I did too

Better get the gun

Where’s he going

Probably to get the old man his pipe and slippers

Whoa, look at this place What a dump

It’s worse than you think

I just trampled this poor sap’s flower bed

Homer, this is our house

Are you coming in, Homer

No, no

I wanna be alone with my thought

Fans are getting a bit anxious here Another beer, Moe

What’s-a matter, Homer

Bloodiest fight of the year

You’re sitting there like a thirsty bump on a log

Eddie

Evening, Moe

Want some pretzels

No, thanks

We’re on duty

A couple beers would be nice, though

Two bucks, boys

Just kidding

Good one, Moe

We’re looking for a family of Peeping Toms who’s been terrorizing the neighborhood

Quiet, boy

Let the nice people enjoy their beers

Ah, don’t worry

This dog has the scent

What’s gotten into Bobo

I got some wieners in my pocket

That figures Come on, you stupid dog

You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me

She said,” Homer, you’re a big disappointment”

And God bless her soul, she was really on to something

Don’t blame yourself, Homer

You got dealt a bad hand

You got crummy little kids that nobody can control

You can’t talk that way about my kids Or at least two of them

Why, you got two I haven’t met

Why, you

Here’s five you haven’t met

A tremendous right That’s gotta hurt

This fight is over

All-Star Boxing is brought to you by

Dr Marvin Monroe’s Family Therapy Center

Huh What

Honey, aren’t you going to work today

Oh, I don’t think so

Honey, you have a problem, and it won’t get better till you admit it

I admit this: You better shut your big yap

Oh, you shut up No, you shut up

No, you shut up

Shut up

Why don’t you both shut up

Hi, friends I’m Dr Marvin Monroe

Does this scene look familiar

If so, I can help

No gimmicks

No pills No faddiets

Just family bliss, or double your money back

So call today

Dr Marvin Monroe’s Family Therapy Center

Why don’t you call right now

When will I learn

The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle

They’re on TV

All right, time for a family meeting

Why can’t we have a meeting when you’re watching TV

Now look, you know and I know this family needs help, professional help

So I’ve made us an appointment with Dr Marvin Monroe

The fat guy on TV

You’re sending us to a doctor who advertises on pro wrestling

Boxing, Lisa, boxing

There’s a world of difference

Gee, Homer, are you sure this is the right thing to do

Honey, I’ve given this matter a lot of study, and of all the commercials I saw, his was the best

All it costs is $250

We don’t have that kind of money

Well, then, we’re just going to have to dig deep

Marge, go get the kids’ college fund

Oh, Homer

Oh, come on, Marge

Why scrimp now on the off chance that they’ll actually get in some place

Forty-eight

Forty-nine Fifty

Eighty-eight dollars and fifty cents

That’s it

That’s the college fund we’ve been saving for all these years

I guess I’d have needed a partial scholarship

We’re not licked yet

To save this family, we’re going to have to make the supreme sacrifice

No, Dad

Please don’t pawn the TV

Oh, come on, Dad, anything but that

Homer, couldn’t we pawn my engagement ring instead

Now, I appreciate that, honey, but we need $150 here

Afternoon, Simpson

What can I do for ya

Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola

Is it cable ready

Ready as she’ll ever be

Mister, you got yourself a deal

All our money, the college funds, the TV

Homer, you’re driving a stake through the hearts of those who love you

Hey, no pain, no gain

Will you be paying by cash or check

Cash, of course

I’ve got $250 right here with me

I’m holding it right now

Here it is

Look

Check it out 250 big ones

If you really want to impress her, show her the big, empty space where our TV used to be Bart

Come on, family

Let’s go celebrate our newfound ability to express love

I’m taking you out for frosty chocolate milkshakes

Yea

There go my young-girl dreams of Vassar

Hello, I’m Dr Marvin Monroe

No doubt you recognize me from TV

We would if we had one

Lisa

No, no, Homer, don’t stifle the youngster

Your family must feel free to express itself

That’s what these pads and jumbo markers are for

I want you to draw for me your fears, your anxieties, the roots of your unhappiness

Take a deep, cleansing breath

And begin

Mm-hmm Uh-huh

No surprises here

Homer

Homer, what have you got for us

Homer

Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention

If you had been paying attention, perhaps you would have noticed that your family sees you as a rather stern authority figure, an ogre, if you will

No, Doctor, that’s not true

Ogre is such a strong word

Right on, Doc

Another successful diagnosis

That does it

Okay, you wanna kill each other

That’s good

That’s healthy

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with hostile conflict

All I ask is that you use my patented aggression therapy mallets

Good idea

All right

I don’t know

Let’s take another deep, cleansing breath

These mallet things are padded with foam rubber What’s the point

They’d work much better without the padding, Doc

No, no That’s not true

Give me that

See

Yes, well, that concludes this portion of our treatment

Are we cured yet

Don’t be ridiculous

You will be, but it’s going to require somewhat more unorthodox methods

Unortho-what

Don’t worry

I’ll have plenty of time to explain while I warm up the electric generator

Everyone comfy Good

Now, don’t touch any of those buttons in front of you

for a very important reason, ie, you are wired into the rest of your family

You have the ability to shock them, and they have the ability to shock– just testing

Why, you–

No, Homer, not yet

This is what is known as aversion therapy

When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically

And gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all

And won’t that be wonderful, Homer

Oh, yes, Doctor

Whoa

Aaah

How could you shock your little sister

My finger slipped

So did mine

Aaaah

Bart, Lisa, stop that

No, no

Now, wait a minute

Wait Wait

Folks, if I could

This is not the way to get healthy

No You don’t understand, Simpsons

People, please

Boy

Someone’s really gobbling up the juice, sir

Excellent Excellent

Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the dodo

No No Simpsons

Son of a

Stop

Dr Monroe, your other patients have fled the building

Stop

You’re damaging the equipment

Nice hair, Mom

I thought we were making real progress

No, I’m sorry, you’re not

You’ve just got to go

Wait a minute, Doc, your TV commercial said, family bliss or double our money back

Oh, but that was just

All right

Get the money

Just go, and never tell anyone you were here

Wow, 500 smackers

Homer, how wonderful

Our first pleasant surprise

It’s not the money, as much as the feeling that we earned it

You did it, Dad

Shouldn’t we be heading down to the pawn shop to get our TV back

That piece of junk

Forget it

We’re gonna get a new TV

Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays

Oh, Homer, we love you