The Power of the Positive

I had to be candid with you.

There are a lot of so-called motivational speakers Power of Positive Thinking speakers.

The secret speakers and I don’t really buy this.

Oh let’s be positive cheerful everything all the time to me and many others can seem saccharin can seem phony.

So I’m not asking you to have a big smile on your face with every communication you do and only look on the bright side of life at all times.

Life is more complex.

There are times when we have to communicate negative messages.

You have to do an employee review and you know you’re going to have to fire the person.

There’s just no way around it.

There’s going to be some messages that have to be communicated.

Having said all that I do want to stress to you that anytime you have positive messages start with that it’s just human nature to shut down.

When you hear something negative and especially if it’s negative about you it’s human nature to defend yourself and one way of defending shutting your ears.

I don’t want to listen to this person tell me what an idiot I am now.

I’m assuming you don’t have a lot of communication needs telling people they’re idiots but you get my point.

There is a tremendous power of the positive.

Human beings respond to it better.

They’re more likely to listen to you.

They’re more likely to think you’re credible.

Then when you do have negative information it softens the blow.

So for example with all of my clients when I’m working with them for live in-person media training and public speaking workshops all over the world as I’ve done for many years they send me a video of themselves speaking as part of their homework.

I critique it I tell them I’m going to critique it.

They’re expecting me to rip them off.

They always say this I think T.J.

let me have it rip me apart.

But what I do is I start my cataloging all the things they do well because most people do a lot of things well or they’re not making certain mistakes other people make.

They may still have mistakes but they’re speaking speed is OK or their eye contact is OK or they’re not fidgeting with their fingers.

So I note every single thing they do well then typically I’ll focus on just one thing where I feel they could really improve and I tell them exactly how to do it.

And it’s very powerful because I’ve relaxed them because I’ve told them all the things they’re doing well they perceive me as a very intelligent person because I’ve told them things they’re doing well that no one else has told them.

And then I focus on just one thing.

So it’s much easier intellectually and psychologically and emotionally to focus on just one floor and then I tell them exactly what to do to fix it so I’m starting off with positives.

Then focus on something negative and then I focus on positives to fix it.

Now it’s not generic.

Oh Sally you’re a great wonderful person everybody loves you.

I had to fire you tomorrow.

You’re incompetent.

But by the way you have a nice smile and you’re very proud.

It’s not that kind of fake phony donut type of thing you’ve heard about in other communications classes.

It’s highly tailored and specific to the issue at hand.

So in my case I’m cataloging their strengths as a speaker as a communicator pinpointing the area that needs to be improved and then being highly specific on how to do it.

And then they focus on that.

And then they see improvement.

So I’ve communicated with them because they understand what I’m saying and they’re able to take the actions I want and make improvement.

And we keep on getting more and more improvement when we’re together in the actual day of training.

And that’s actually the approach I use when we’re together live as well.

So I do want you to think about how can you be as positive as possible.

I don’t want you to lie.

I don’t want you to come out to me and say Oh T.J.

You have the thickest most beautiful ahead of curly black hair ever.

That’s not credible.

And I wouldn’t believe you.

But when you can say something positive it opens people up.

It brings the defenses down.

It creates a little more sense of community and will open people up to your message.

So I want you to always think about how can you place positive messages in even when there is some bad news and some negative messages to convey.