University Subjects - Part 2

دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Discussion & Opinion Essays / درس 2

University Subjects - Part 2

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OK let’s look at the second paragraph now. So we put this paragraph forward that we’ve kind of agree with for the most part except for the last sentence. However we’re going to break away from that for you now. Particularly breaking away from this last sentence here but also breaking away a little bit from the view in general because we’re talking about the importance of something else it’s not just important to have qualified professionals but also motivated. So however it’s very much appropriate here to create that sense of contrast and to make sure that we are presenting a clear position throughout the response. I’m just going to remind the reader that this is my view point in this paragraph. So I believe that allowing just to paraphrase the viewpoint here allowing students to choose what they want to study. Nothing too complicated but do not feel that that does not mean this should be a banned nine response. It’s not about always using super complex vocabulary. It’s about communicating with clarity and with natural vocabulary making sure that each of your points is well developed. So what they want to study is the only way to acquire motivated passionate and important here and thus competent professionals well qualified professional who want a competent one do a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything if it’s accompanied by incompetence on the job. Now we’re going to explain why choice matters. Why does this lead to the next thing. So we’re going to not say this is because because we’ve got it above I would say the reason for this is it’s still pretty simple but it’s a little bit more variety. So the reason for this is that I like my plan of free choice. Free choice provides people with that proposition. We provide low people get that wrong the used to you give to provide with so provides people with a sense of can my plans giving me the idea here autonomy provides people with a sense of autonomy. Now this isn’t really enough for me. I want to add a bit more. It really helps to strengthen the link between choice and autonomy and thus passion and enthusiasm. All right. I’m going to write a little comma here and because this is a separate part of the sentence that Qamar is quite important. You know we’re declaring that we’re moving on to a new idea but it’s very much connected with the earlier idea. So and research has shown again another nice expression that I would hang on to for every essay or most essays should be able to bring this in here. Research has shown research has demonstrated that it’s autonomy. You can’t really paraphrase that. It’s important you don’t in a way it’s a very singular noun here. We don’t want to paraphrase it too much. Is that autonomy is a necessary is a nice expression that you can use. Be careful though. It’s a necessary catalyst. I use the word ingredient earlier. And ingredient is good but Katselas suggests something more. If you remember back if you think back to your chemistry lessons a catalyst is something that speeds up a reaction. So you add it to speed something up to make something happen. So autonomy is necessary to speed up or to make happen. Huseyin ism. So this drive as I said earlier so. All right both of those in that autonomy is a necessary catalyst for drive and Yasm. Now the sentence is long enough. We’ve shown off our vocabulary good sentence. Moving on to the next sentence we’re looking at a result. So we have to over think. Go is a device we have an R as a result. Consequently as a consequence a good usually has a result for when we’re dealing with a more positive sentence as a consequence for a more negative sentence as a result students have the same impetus. It’s not a complicated collocation we have with AS have the impetus just like the motivation really is a way paraphrasing have the impetus to master the subject rather than merely aim for good enough. Now that looks a bit strange the way that the sentence is set up here. Aim for good enough. But we know as native speakers that good enough is like an expression. So it’s all just words like a noun. So we can leave that there as is. So as a result students have the impetus to master the subject rather than merely aim for good enough not merely kind of like only suggest that we could do more. OK. Now we have another alternative results and since we could use and contrast that I’m going to use converse the same thing converse early and again another conditional if universities and I’m basically going to do the opposite of what I’ve done here. Here we look to what happens. The negative consequence of this idea I’m going to look at the negative consequences of the other idea. So if universities force and I am going to use that verb I think it is appropriate actually a bit too strong but I want to emphasize it. So if universities force students into one category of study and the comma appears here a very important comma then the drive. Very difficult to find synonyms at this time you got in you’ve got motivation and you right now so it’s ok. Remember paraphrasing is not your top priority drive for now what is the noun of master. Well it’s mastery. So the drive for mastery. But now watch what happens here. This is only the super high level students are entirely comfortable with conditional sentences with hypothetical futures and hypothetical pasts. In fact as well would have come with. So here you’re switching between so many different times. Don’t over think this. This is really what you are aiming for a band 9. If you’re not aiming for a band 9 that don’t. Think about this too. But if you are trying to look at this sentence again and see how we switch between these different times here. The drive for mastery that would have come with pursuing their passions will disappear. There is a lot going on here. So like I say if you are aiming for a school like that then do have a look at this again. If you have questions about it please ask. But if anybody that’s not aiming for an absolute top score try not to overthink this too much. OK now let’s move into this conclusion. The final paragraph. Imagine we don’t have much time let’s just jump straight into as always you stop. In conclusion. In conclusion and we’ve got a discussion essay there’s a discussion opinion here but there’s still an element of discussions that we know we can jump straight into and all that because we’re going to contrast those two body paragraphs with summarizing each although it is off. And again I’m not saying some people believe this is my view. It is of critical importance that universities continue to because they’ve been doing it so far. They just want to continue doing it continue to supply society with professionals in the fields of technology and science come here. Moving to the summary of the second body paragraph I feel that it should be the students choice to do so. As in to supply society with themselves should be the student choosing to work for society in this way. Not OK hopefully you’re saying not OK we have a summary of the arguments of the first body paragraph because we are saying that it’s important that we provide society with this. That’s why they should only be allowed to study subjects like this. But we haven’t summarise the arguments of the second paragraph. So this is like a band 8.5 conclusion in a way it’s just not quite there to a landline level. So we’re going to add a tiny bit more and then we’ll be finished. So I feel that it should be the students choice to do so on that basis. That’s for that reason. That’s the same thing. So on the basis that this gives them the motivation to become competent workers were actually incompetent up here so much to say the motivation to excel in their work and other one as well. OK. That’s much better. And now we hit that band Nine mark. So what I want you to take away from this essay today is the structure of a discussion or opinion essay where we start the body paragraphs with the side that we disagree with. And then in the second paragraph we move to the side that we agree with and remembering that that does not mean that you have to present the first paragraph from a different person’s point of view. It can be your own point of view as well. Like it was today but just remember that if you want to distance yourself from the argument you’re putting forward you need to use language that makes that very clear language like the argument goes that or something similar to that. OK. So keep those two things in mind. And we will start closing up here. If you have any questions about this essay as always please do get in touch. Either way I hope you found this one useful and I will see you in the next essay.

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