Accommodation - Part 2دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Discussion & Opinion Essays / درس 4
Accommodation - Part 2
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Let’s move on to the second body paragraph then of course what we’re dealing with here is a sense of contrast just like in any discussion opinion or opinion discussion essay or any discussion essay. There’s always a sense of contrast here. So you can almost always get away with writing. However the beginning of your second paragraph. There are obviously other expressions that you can use as well. But as we haven’t used however yet I think it’s a good idea to use it here. Now let’s make sure that we quickly draw the reader’s attention to the main theme of the paragraph. We should always try and make that clear as early as possible. So we’re going to say the main advantages pay we said the negatives down here we’re think the main advantages of living in a house. So the main advantages of living in a house is that they are again always or just often. They often remember try to avoid the generalization. They are often more spacious and more private. Now hopefully at least some of you have been watching this and thinking he’s made a mistake here. He’s made a grammatical mistake if you haven’t noticed this. Have a look through that sentence again and see if you can notice the mistake that I’ve included. I’ve included this mistake because it is often made this is a common mistake because people forget that whether they’re dealing with a singular subject or a plural subject and then they modify the verb according to what they think it is. Even though it might not actually be that. So if you look for a particular verb it might be wrong here. Hopefully you will have recognized it is this verb here. So we have the verb in the singular form singular conjugation. That doesn’t work. Why is that. You’ve got a house. Why should it not be his. Well that’s because our subject is not singular. It’s not a house but it’s plural. This is our subject the main advantages of living in a house and that’s plural. Main advantages. So we need to change is to us so keep that in mind whenever you’re writing a topic sentence because it comes out quite a lot. To leave you’re in a listing format. So however the main advantages of living in a house is that they are often more spacious or more private. You might be wondering why I’ve written more twice. The reason that I’ve done that is just to highlight that they are two separate advantages it’s not one advantage together. It’s not more spacious and private makes it sound like one advantage contained of two parts but two separate advantages. This also makes it easier when we move on to the supporting sentence because we can now do this. And we said more spacious and private it still would work with regards to the former but it wouldn’t be quite so clear what we were referencing here. We’ve got two very distinct advantages because of the repetition of more. So it’s not really repetition in a negative way but in a positive way. So with regards to the form of houses or multiple rooms are often tend to usually typically So in other words we can use typically have multiple rooms. What more can we say about this why multiple rooms could let say what they do they allow so they have multiple rooms to allow plenty of space for what. What do we need spent plenty of space for. We could say for the leisure and what else to do in a house you relax. What’s the noun of relax relaxation. So for leisure and relaxation and if I had another non defining relative close in here I think it’s quite useful to just add a which forces you to think about a little bit more information to develop the idea. Why what sort of people would this kind of accommodation be good for multiple rooms. Space leisure relaxation. A single person living alone maybe doesn’t matter so much. But certainly it would be especially useful for families. And we know that families are usually composed of children but we will start that there just to just to further emphasize that point. So which is especially useful for families with children. Now we need to move on to the private aspect so here we are with regards to the former. How do you think we could start the next sentence which would look at the more private aspects. How do you think we could start it. Hopefully you’re using some expression with the word latter. And I’m just going to say as for the latter. As for the latter but if we go here detached houses now not all houses are detached. So we’re just going to say at least in the case of not all of them but certainly for detached houses at least in this case it detached houses. You know we’ve got private now we can use privacy. Mike collocation will be greater. Greater privacy is possible because what happens to this noise a really good verb the collocate with the noun noise is Kerry we should have means that it travels over a distance. So noise carries so noise does not carry through one wall and into the neighboring house. We could say house is another word for accommodation Mxit residents perhaps. So notice this because we’re in a house. The noise does not carry the noise does carry through one wall and into a neighboring flats because only separated by one will behave like two separate wars. You got the wall in our house and in the neighboring residences will as well. It’s a nice way of phrasing that up. OK now we’re down into the alternatives again. And I think again just like above we can probably just fit both of these ideas into a single sentence. Remember the main topic here is houses not really flat. So we’re just using flats to provide context and contrast so we don’t have to go into too much detail with flats. So up here we said contrast this with another expression of a contrast and we could say here is a device to converse like I say commercially and then I like this not when we’ve got two points that we want to make together we can use the not only but also structure. So not only are flats apartments whatever. Generally remember not always. Generally smaller bottles are. You see we’re putting these two points together. Not only this but also this not only flats not only R-Fla. also notice the word order here. If you’re using a not only structure the verb comes first and then the subject so you use inversion when you’re using not only. So not only are flats generally smaller but also in fact how do we change this around but they also notice the inversion doesn’t apply to the second part. So you’ve got the inversion in the first part but not the second here. Just no but they are also less private offices of more private less private less private. Q To what have we got here close proximity to neighbors living in very close proximity I tend to live very nearby which emphasize that point there. OK. So that’s the second paragraph sort is that we have check on the word count and see probably already quite high here unfortunately 2 5 2. Well we’ll have to make sure that we have a very concise conclusion so let’s get on with that. Now as always we’re going to start with a conclusion then we want to make sure that we are addressing four elements like we mentioned in the introduction. This essay is really composed of four parts the primary parts the advantages and disadvantages of living in a house. What we do need to also talk about the advantages and disadvantages of living in a flat. Fortunately as we talked about earlier the advantage of living in a flat is the disadvantage of living in a house and vice versa. So you don’t really need to explicitly talk about lots or you know each separate part but we can just bring out the main points that we made in each of the paragraphs. And really we made three points all together we’ve won we’ve made one main negative and we’ve spoken of two main advantages. And that creates one main advantage of flats and it creates two main disadvantages of apartments so we don’t have to go into too much detail. So what I would say is in conclusion I think I believe I feel we can going on I think we’ll keep it quite simple here. I think that’s the vantages of now we’re immediately here going to include what those advantages are. How could we paraphrase here we’ve got space ships and so let’s just go with the word space and we’ve got private so we just go with privacy just to make you know we have these words. But I think it’s better if we can at least paraphrasing from the topic sentence makes it a little bit less obvious. So the advantages of space and privacy that come with living in a house keeping it nice and simple. Outway Now a lot of people would be telling me now that I should write a comma that should be a comma here but no there is no need because if you think about this all of this remains your subject. It’s a long subject but notice it’s just followed by the verb. So these advantages if you kept it if you made it referencing you take these advantages our way you would not a comma so no need to add a comma here. But you shouldn’t because it would be inaccurate. So the advantages of space and privacy that come with living in a house outweigh the disadvantages. And notice by writing this in the active voice managed to paraphrase what I had above with the passive. So do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Again very similar of less security. That’s summarizing what we talked about in the first paragraph. The disadvantages of less security in comparison with this is where we really making sure we are addressing all parts of the task compared with here. I was going to say in comparison with a period when compared to where we make making sure that we’re paraphrasing plenty and in comparison with living in apartments you may be worrying about the amount of repetition here with the word house with the word problem with the word flat. It’s a good point to make. Yes there is repetition here but it’s incredibly difficult to avoid without sounding forced. There are some nouns particularly nouns in English which are just very difficult to paraphrase because they contain an idea that can really be put into any other words you get a feel for this. The more that you practice the more that you read you get a feeling for when it is OK to repeat words and when it is OK to paraphrase and when it seems natural and when it seems natural. So just keep reading and you get it you get a grip on this in time. I really really do not feel that an examiner would penalize the repetition of house or apartment in this response at least to how much we’ve done it here. We have paraphrased a little bit with referencing with terms like accommodation. So you know there is demonstration that we’re sharing a wider range of vocabulary. I’ve mentioned it before but paraphrasing is not your number one priority it’s a priority and it’s important but it’s not you know I’m pretty nimble on Percy’s finishing the essay and communicating ideas with clarity and trying to make those ideas come across as naturally as possible. So that brings us to a close on this essay here. What I want you to take away most from this model Alonzo from this walk through is the difference between a discussion opinion task and an opinion discussion task. Yes. They seem very similar but there is quite a crucial difference. The format is the same. The introduction to paraphrase the task and contain your opinion. The first body paragraph looks at the side that you disagree with. So to speak. And the second body paragraph looks at the side that you agree with. So to speak. And the conclusion summarizes all of those points and restate your opinion. As you can see the format is pretty much the same but within the body you need to remember that everything that you put forward is your own points of view. So make sure that in an opinion discussion task you do not use language like those who believe you can simply say just the negatives the disadvantages. The reasons for or against it is just the side that you think is weaker. So it’s important that you frame everything from your own point of view but that you format it like a discussion opinion task. And that position language also applies to the conclusion as well. And make sure that your introduction also features appropriate language like you can see above. If this is still a little bit unclear to you don’t hesitate to get in touch via the Q and A function and ask me any questions that should help to clarify this. Happy to answer any questions that you might have. Hope in general though that you found this walkthrough useful and I’ll see you in the next one.
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