The Internet - Part 2دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Situation Essays / درس 2
The Internet - Part 2
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So now it turns to the second half of the essay. And we want to make that turning very obvious. We want to make a very clear distinction between the first paragraph and the second paragraph those separate themes even though we’re still looking at problems and solutions. So we use appropriate language to suggest that we say something like that too but you could also use as full or with regards to or looking at but turning to is quite nice because it suggests moving from the first to the second paragraph moving from one topic to another turning from one topic to another. So turning to the consumption mood down here. So our plan consuming of information consumption is done out of information and just like above where making the theme of the paragraph very very clear up here in terms of sharing. We made it very very clear. And down here same as well consumption very very clear. The themis one pressing problem. Collocation pressing problem is that what have we got not true information. So a lot much it’s not all the time again remember to avoid generalizations. Much of what we read what we access what we absorb I’m just going to use read what’s much of what we’ve read online is not true. OK. Now I’ve got my support sentence here and with the support sentence I think it’s a good opportunity to create a complex sentence by contrasting the past with the present and when we want to create a sentence with contrast we use that subordinating conjunction while whereas we use whereas here. So whereas in the past we mostly know all the time but we mostly would have was the past tense of read so read for use in the same spelling. We mostly read news articles from these things in our town here and my plan. So in established newspapers. OK. Comma. This is where we create our sense of contrasts between past and present. Because that dependent clause and we use a comma we follow into the independent clause. Now a days anyone can publish information publishing for mation. We’ve got no verification on the blog what blogs are for. These tend to be the most typical places for people to post this information on a blog or for adults and it’s a bit of a problem here on a blog or forum because we’ve got that article on a blog or forum without having it verified. OK. So that’s a nice complex sentence to include here. Whereas the past nowadays the precedents you’re making that clear contrast whenever you have a task that presents you with the opportunity or rather the requirements in fact to contrast the past in the present trying to recognise opportunities where you can do so within a single sentence because then not only are you demonstrating your ability to create complex sentences you’re also demonstrating your ability to mix tenses together within a single sentence. OK arguably I should have a comma here that’s not so important if anybody was thinking about that one. But yeah usually often nowadays you want to have one. OK let’s move into the next sentence and I’ve got here is this result and I think I mentioned earlier that I wanted to treat this like a conditional sentence triggers as a conditional sentence. So let’s think about how to do that of course with a conditional sentence we start with. So if animals spread false information that that’s the result of a previous cause and the problem that we’re presenting in this paragraph is the cause of this problem. So we’re going to basically paraphrase what we’ve just written. OK. So if if Now let’s paraphrase if if those who read people who read those who read such a is a nice expression you can use for talking about anything that is false something that is spoken or written about which is false a falsehood. So if those who read such falsehoods accept them as the opposite of a falsehood which is a truth. So as truths. Now it’s interesting. I know truth we usually look at in the uncountable four but we can also look at it in the countable form in very specific circumstances like these ones. So as truths. Comma. And that first clause move into the second moments the result of that what might the result be. Well look at our planet spread false information so they might in those people who read falsehoods they might they might spread this information. I could say false information like I’ve had in the plan but because we’ve got this falsity we don’t need that this in formation further spreading it further where he talks about it happening on social media places like Facebook and Twitter and and so forth and the result of that we look at the result on top of a result we can use an expression like Thus or in turn will use in turn him in turn. And he’s a really nice example of word formation understanding MS. prefix miss to mean wrongly in a way mis informing or wrongly informing the public. If those who read such falses accept them as truth they might spread this information further on social media in turn misinforming the public. OK so results on top of a result we can use in term was. How could we solve this problem. Again we need to think about language we can use to introduce a solution. We don’t want to use the same expression to tackle this issue but instead we could use some word order modification. So here sort of thing to tackle this issue. We might turn it into the passive fall. This issue could be and I mean if you wanted to paraphrase I suppose you could say this problem could be. And then we can do better. We could change the verb tackle as well maybe do something like minimized or mitigated. But the important thing here note is we’re in the passive form. So this problem could be mitigated by what have we got here. Hiring fact checkers. I want to do something similar to what we’ve got up here legally requiring people to do certain things to help. So here we go is required so we can use requiring to just paraphrase a little bit with word formation by requiring social media websites especially because the social network Web sites if we wanted to paraphrase a little bit from network Web sites too and then the solution back into plan higher fact checkers. OK now we’re going to explain what their job would be using a possessive relative pronoun to be whose whose job would be a notice that I’m using word because I began the sentence with could we looking at hypotheticals. We’re not so confident that this will happen. So we’re going to you could and would work like that to suggest this huge job would be to check the validity. So the truth snus truth is this isn’t really a word but validity we can certainly use the validity of any news article because of what we’re talking about here before it is or can be either one of those is OK actually is shared online. I think that looks pretty good. We don’t need to. As I mentioned before we don’t need to go into more detail here. We’ve hit a decent workout. We’ve explained ourselves very thoroughly so we don’t need to add that result sentence or explain how this would be carried out. I think we have plenty of information here already. If we just check on the work how quickly we can see we’ve got 236 words that’s good. We’re still under the 250. So in conclusion we will quite easily surpass the 250 where we may go a little bit too far over in terms of the timing. But again if you feel comfortable with speed and we feel comfortable with quality of your writing don’t to worry too much about this. So let’s move into the conclusion and as always we want to start with in conclusion and all we want to do is summarize each of the problems that we’ve presented in this first sentence and in the second sentence of the conclusion we will summarize each of the solutions suggesting an element of responsibility there as well. So the first sentence summarizing each of those problems the first problem the problem that appeared in the first paragraph was about sharing information and the vulnerability of data. So we’ll put that forward before we even do that. We need to come back to the actual task itself and it’s all about how the Internet has created these problems. Make sure you include that too. Just don’t just say two of the problems are a b you need to say two of the problems related to this are a and b. So we can improve that little bit by saying something like two of the main information related because this is all about information. The way that information is shared and consumed and not just random problems but very focused problems. So information related and other were problems my concerns. That’s the Internet age. It’s can be quite useful. The Internet age has created. Ah. Now notice that I’ve got the internet you just created you might be thinking singular but it’s plural because we’re going all the way back to two of the main concerns. So two of the main concerns are the vulnerability of data and we are paraphrasing here because up here we’ve shown that we know how to use the adjective vulnerable but here we are showing we know how to use the noun as well. So it’s quite useful to paraphrase and just changing the word mation the vulnerability of data and the now in other words the spread really nice word we can use is proliferation proliferation of. And here’s a very Donald Trump kind of expression is obviously very big in 2017 has come up in the news these days maybe if you put this expression in a few years ago it would have been looked at not as a collocation because we’re so used to it. Now this expression I’m sure it’s OK to include in here fake news fake news. And the proliferation of fake news if you are concerned maybe you think you shouldn’t go there maybe it doesn’t you know it’s not academic enough. That’s OK if that’s how you feel. You may just want to change it to something like the proliferation of false information. I’m just trying to make sure that we paraphrase a little bit but don’t worry about that too much. OK. Now summarizing the solutions we want to first of all create a sense of contrast contrast between problem and solution. All right. However however also to suggest that although these are concerns they can be overcome. So However these problems can be mitigated again when you use tech who might say managed managed not completely solved. I mean that’s never really going to happen. It’s a bit unrealistic certainly managed via. Now here is where I’m going to bring in an element of responsibility. It suggests that maybe the government or the police force should be involved in this the justice system I’m going to say the law enforced. Again we’re showing our ability with word formation by looking at these two words joined through use of a hyphen so law enforced. What do we have up here. We have install again just moving from the verb to the noun installation of. Now a nice adjective for advanced is cutting cutting what hopefully I’m hearing you say edge cutting edge security software. I didn’t use the word software but I remember the word problems and now I can use the word software. So cut a cutting edge security software and recruitment. So we’re employing these people here because they employment as well that serve recruitment is a bit less common as kind of social network social media. We’ve used both. So we’re just a social network social network fact checkers and there we go. Maybe some of you think there should be an article here at the recruitment. You could argue that however I feel that that should not be that the reason that I don’t want to put it there is because I wanted to link up to this. Again I want it to be suggested that it’s a law enforced recruitment of social network fact checkers. If we add the it then we are suggesting that it would not be enforced because we’re separating it from this part of the sentence. But if we take it away and if we understand that there should be an art school there then all the reader has to do is travel backwards in the sentence and they’ll say Oh OK. So the actually corresponds to recruitment. And because of that we know that the law in force actually corresponds to recruitment as well as installation. So we’re using previous elements of the sentence to clarify what we mean when we write our points. Right. OK. And that should be the end of the essay. Let’s have a quick look on the word count. We have 2 8 5. OK it’s a little bit more than I would have liked but it’s still a really strong essay. Often the conclusions of a problem and solution essays take us a little bit further than we’d like to go but we’re still well under 300. And I think that’s more than OK. So that takes us to the end of this essay here. As a quick recap of the most important points I just want you to recall how throughout the essay we tried to keep referencing the past and the present and the difference between them both in the use of vocabulary and in the use of our grammar. That suggests that we’ve understood this pie here has transformed and did not exist before. We’re really identifying those time elements that a lot of people miss. So we’ve got that. I also want you to think about how we opened each of the body paragraphs. So we did it with a particular language in terms of and turning to in different locations. But we also very clearly identified the themes that we have chosen to include by adding sharing and consumption of information. And finally I want you to consider all of the special vocabulary that we included to show off our understanding of Internet and technology related vocabulary. I hope you found this essay useful. Do let me know if you have any questions. As always and I’ll see you soon in the next lecture.
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