The Internet - Part 1دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Situation Essays / درس 1
The Internet - Part 1
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Welcome Back then everybody we’re going to jump right into this question today with the usual process so let’s read this one out together. The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed. But it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest. Three step process before writing any words in terms of a response is the usual. Identify the question type. Underline the key words and write a plan. So Step 1 Identify the question type. What type of question is this. Hopefully you have identified it as a situation as say a problem and solution I say whatever you want to call it as it was a subdued situation problem solution essay. So that’s what we’re looking at today. And let’s think about the key words here that will give us an idea of the general topic. So what are the key words here. Hopefully you’re picking out of course the Internet hopefully you’re picking out transformed. Talking about a big difference there also might be important to kind of pick out the houses well notice to the tents that they’re using the present perfect. So the way information is shared and consumed those are both quite important words. But it has also created problems that did not exist before. It might also be worth while highlighting this did not exist before just so that we can kind of make that comparison with the past. But you know the whole point here again if we look at this here with our present perfect is that difference between past and present it’s an important feature of this task. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest. Basically a simple problem and solution as I say we’re not looking at reasons but purely problems and solutions. So how do we construct a plan for an essay like this. Philip mentioned it in the task to video course but I recommend not putting the problems and the solutions in separate paragraphs but instead write about a problem and its solution in the same paragraph is just a lot easier to reference the problems when writing about solutions. When you do it that way otherwise you end up writing about let’s say three problems in the first paragraph. You write Problem A and B or C and then when you get to the second paragraph you have to write things like that with regards to problem. As for problem be turned to problem C and it gets a little bit confusing you kind of loose thread a little bit more and it just lacks that cohesion. So to improve cohesion we’re going to look at a problem and its solution in each paragraph. It would be nice if we had a theme for each paragraph. So a separate theme that’s not just chosen at random and one way that we can think about this one way we can identify a theme is to again look at the task language look at the words that we’ve highlighted. I want you to have a look at those highlighted words there and think Is there an opportunity here to find a theme for each body paragraph based on those key words based on two of those key words. Think about that for a moment for me what I can see are the words shared and consumed. I think those are very different actions and they’re very different problems associated with each of those actions. So we’re going to start with sharing information and then we’re going to move to consuming information. And we look at the problem relates to each of those things and it’s correspondent solution. So the way that I like to write these paragraphs as we’ve mentioned before is three sentences about the problem and then two sentences about the solution. So what is one of the main problems related to sharing information. Well it could be argued that information is more vulnerable now to Internet thieves and of course it wasn’t vulnerable to Internet thieves in the past because that was that Wednesday. Yes it was vulnerable to other kinds of thieves. You can’t really avoid that kind of just a shift in the type of problems really. But as long as we kind of make that distinction we’ll be OK. So information now more vulnerable to theft. And why is that is because information is stored electronically and is stored electronically. It means that it can be stolen by hackers. So we’ll just bring in the idea of hackers there as well. An example could be quite useful. I think actually though that it might be more helpful to look at the results emphasizing the difference between past and present really making sure to address that present purrfect that difference between past and present. So what’s the difference now. News stories they don’t talk about physical robberies as much as they talk about online robberies they’re much more common in the news. So we can think about news stories focusing on huge secure online security breaches. Rather than physical robberies of banks and things like that. OK. Now how would we solve this problem solving it is probably a case of just thinking back to your vocabulary that you know what kind of software do you install on your computer to prevent yourself from these kind of attacks. Usually you install anti hacking software or you know the security software. So you put this in here. And the hacking software big companies who handle who stole this information for us they have to be required legally required to install this kind of software. And that what’s the result of it. Well that should result in the protection of this software from these Internet thieves. Simple often when you get the result sentence it’s usually quite simple but it helps to bring the idea full circle. You’re kind of addressing your topic sentence when you done that. That’s the idea here. So protection less vulnerable when you have that protection. OK. So consuming information. Little bit different when we think of consuming information what we really mean there is accessing it downloading it kind of as absorbing it rather than sharing it uploading it revealing it sort of the opposite that that’s why they’re very different now consumption of information. One of the main problems there with me is that’s a lot of what we read online. A lot of what we absorb what we access a lot of it isn’t true. A lot of it isn’t real. It’s often made up. So we’ve got this proliferation of information which is in truth so not true. In fact that’s not a very good expression. Not true in fact but don’t worry I’m going to make it a little bit better later Ron you make it sound a bit stronger than that. OK. So what we read online is not true. A lot of the time how is that different from the past. Again we want to put that forward we want to show that we were addressing the past versus present aspect of the task. We in the past the place we usually got our information from was newspapers or TV news or places like that where you’d have to have qualifications you had to have a degree of authority to share that news and that’s not the case anymore. So in the past we would get our information from established newspapers and that’s not really the case today. Yes it still happens but the Internet is changing things in that regard. So when we had those established newspapers you would have particular workers that would make sure to verify the facts before the article was published. Now we don’t have that. So we don’t have any verification of information nowadays. No sir. Verification nowadays. OK. Now I’m going to use a conditional sentence here is just an opportunity to sense opportunity. It’s not really an example. It’s kind of like a result sentence or results of this fake news but I’m treated I’m going to treat it like a conditional. So if people who read such false information accepted as true. The other problem of the Internet is that it’s very easy to then share this information. So in a way this is related to that sharing of information. So they’re kind of combining so we consume this false information and then we go on to share this information thanks to sites like Facebook where we can share articles at the click of a button. So we’re going to talk about that. But spreading false information that’s one of the consequences of such a problem. How do we solve it. That’s a key issue here. So how can we solve it. Well we could hire people that would typically work in newspapers in other fields of journalism to check facts and your actual fact checkers. So social media sites should really hire the fact checkers to check the validity of information before allowing it to be shared online. Now I think that all of this is going to take up quite a lot of the word count. So I’m not going to write that results of the solution down here. It should be obvious enough and I think the workouts going to be so high at this point that we won’t need it so we can always add to it later. I’m going to leave that there and we can now move in to the introduction. So with a problem and solution essay you’re not usually presented with a debatable point of view like you have to look at two sides you’ll given a general fact and then you have to look at the problems and solutions are the reasons for it and the solutions as a result. You can usually start with something like. It is clear that there is no doubt that or it is no doubt true that because you are presented with a fact and then you can just paraphrase the language in the task itself and that’s what I’m going to do here. So it is clear that the invention of the Internet has a case has transformed the way information is shared and consumed and going to change the verb transformed into the verb changed. But I’m not going to leave it there. I’m also going to change the verb changed into the noun change and I’m going to do that by adding a little bit more here has led to and I want to emphasize that these are big changes. So I can share my collocation understanding here. Dramatic changes in the way information are similar in the way information is and now just a couple of synonyms. We’re not going to think about is too much distributed. So we’re sharing information distributing information collocation. And as I mentioned before accessed so consuming accessing it absorbing it whatever. Ok no problem and solution I say we only need two sentences. The first sentence is the hard one. We’ve got that out the way the second sentence should be much much easier. You’re going to write a plan and it’s going to be pretty similar for every problem and solution I say that you write. But make sure you give it a little bit of individuality so it doesn’t look like you’re just memorizing phrases. This time we’re going to go with OK. Now this language allows us to be slightly different with how we’ve written the sentence. We haven’t just memorize an expression but instead we are using referencing and this is part of the reason why I paraphrased in this way up here we’re referencing these dramatic changes to what the problem with the problems which have resulted from these changes. And what else are we going to do this time. For this part I’m just going to use a memorized phrase. I don’t recommend in general but you are showing an Einstein and collocation with the verb propose and the noun measures and you’re not using the word solution you’re paraphrasing and proposed measures which might address them. And again you could argue it’s a little bit mesmerise but in a way we are actually referencing again. And you would only be able to reference if it specifically set the sentence up in that way. So don’t rely on memorized expressions but do try to absorb them and then use them to fit your needs. Try to modify them in a way which fits the task and moves your essay forward. OK let’s have a look here. The workhouse 43 could be kept it under 50. That’s always important and we can now move into the first paragraph now with problem and solution essays. Try not to worry too much about how you open the paragraphs. Yes we could actually say something like with regards to sharing information I’m going to do something similar to that. But keep it a little bit simpler in fact. So we’re going to say one concern in terms of sharing information instead of saying in terms of sharing information. One concern is that we can flip it around and you say one concern in terms of sharing information. It’s not actually simpler simple question have said that it’s pretty much the same. It’s really up to you. So one concern in terms of sharing information is that not just has no commerce here there are no commas here. Two is that private. Another word with information data private data may now be. And the plan here has suggested more vulnerable vulnerable to theft. I’ve said it before I say it again. Try to leave your topic sentence with no room for confusion. Make it punchy. Make sure you include everything you need to say. But at the same time don’t leave any wasteful language in there. Now let’s move on to the support sentence. Why is it more vulnerable. Well as always when we just think why. And it’s a simple why we follow with this is because this is because information is very difficult to paraphrase information. We got that data. There are one or two maybe other expressions that we could use but they may come across as unnatural. So I will end up repeating myself and there are. In this essay but not to a noticeable degree. So this is because information now a nice adverb which suggests a trend from past to present and a direction is the verb in creasing and because it’s an adverb. Lee increasingly again we’re trying to suggest that difference is increasingly stored electronically as I put them or planned electronically rather than mobile would be the opposite it would be stored physically. OK. And now we’ve got the hackers expression of actually use a comma there. I know I’m going to write a non defining relative clause which means that it can be. What is the action here. What does a thief do he steals make sure and the possible stolen by any hacker who add a little bit more here a little bit more topic related vocabulary. What is another word. One other word for stealing. But when you access something that isn’t yours you break into it. That’s a nice Phrasal Verb. We can do better. A verb that begins in fill traits infiltrates a web sites and that looks pretty good to me. OK. So we’re going to look at the results sentence now. If we look at our plan we can see the words news stories and security breaches. So this was just about how more new stories in today’s media shall we say report on stories related to online security breaches than they do on physical security breaches which suggests that the former are more common now so when you start a results and since that has sort of a negative implication we want to start with something like as a consequence so consequently so usually use for more negative results. Consequently more news stories here as I mentioned earlier today’s media relate to our about online security breaches than to physical breaches and other breaches maybe robberies because robberies have that physical element about them they contain an idea of force and violence that isn’t there when you are online. So it works well next to the word physical to differentiate. And the other nice thing about this sentence now is that we have differentiated from past and present with differentiating between the two different kinds of problems. Also notice my use of the word than you can see less than two and you might be wondering well where is the more. But the more is all the way back here. So there are more stories that relate to this than this. Right. Let’s move onto the solution then. Now talked about solution language before it’s important to have a range of different expressions starting to talk about solutions. The one we’re going to use here is just to tackle this issue. And then somebody should. Somebody must somebody might. In this case we’re going to go with companies and we’re going to use it defining relative clause to mean not all companies companies that have to manage data. So companies which handle a nice collocation here sensitive information must so to tackle this issue. Somebody must tackle this issue. Companies which Anson’s of information must be legally so legally required to because anti-hacking software. What do we do with software we install software install. We don’t just want to say strong anti-hacking software we’re strict and the software we want to take it to the highest level so we can use a superlative to install the strictest anti hacking software or programs whatever you prefer. Programs available. OK. So let’s end that sentence there and then we can move on to talking about the results. Now we could say as a result I think I might want to use it later down here. I might not but I’m going to leave that option open. I’m going to use a this should results in something a little bit different. The protection efforts in here the protection of such information is sensitive information. We’re protecting it from. From hackers and other expression we could use would be cyber criminals and that should lead to the end of the first paragraph. We have a quick check on the work out here 1 3 5. That’s not too bad. That’s OK. So 270 will keep it within that 10 percent increase limit that we try and stay within. So we can end that first half of the essay there.
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