Job Satisfaction - Part 2دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Miscellaneous / 2-Part Essays / درس 2
Job Satisfaction - Part 2
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OK. So with the second paragraph we look back to our plan. We can see we’re looking at the theme of how realistic We’re answering that second question and that second question will be answered in different ways by different people not just in the content but in the view that people have. And therefore there is an element of an opinion question coming through here and the language that we use to respond to it should reflect that. So we want to use a more opinion language. So the way that I’m going to open up this paragraph is as such in my view will make it very clear that this is our opinion. We’re being asked for it. We’re giving it. So in my view now what we’ve got over here in the topic. Our main argument is that we can manipulate these factors so that we can get satisfaction. Whoever you are whatever your job and you can manipulate the factors above to achieve satisfaction. So let’s just use a Geran to start things off. Manipulating the use another word for factors with use components and other one we could use could be elements so manipulating these elements satisfaction equal satisfaction. How can we put this together. It’s going to be quite similar to what we’ve got up here. Allow job satisfaction to be within the reach of every worker. Another word for allow could be unable to or should enable. Definitely should we saying it won’t always happen but it’s realistic to expect it. So should enable any worker or workers or if you want to write to any worker to satisfaction to a nice verb noun collocation. Here is the verb enjoy so we can say enjoy job satisfaction. A lot of people would use the verb have on multiple occasions throughout the essay that they write a typical rule that I try to encourage my students to remember is whenever you write have there’s usually not always but there’s usually a better verb available. So you might just want to pause whenever you think about writing the verb have and think of what else could I put here instead that might be a little bit less common which is a requirement for X Q. resource if you are talking about 7 or above. OK. Next sentence. Now here is where we using that referencing that I mentioned before. Ogles f f to me first factor an S F to mean. Second factor. We have had a look at this before if you remember back to the accommodation essay I use something like. With regards to the former. As for the latter that sort of thing. So we can tell you something similar to that to help us here. We’re going to say looking at us now we could say Reforma but just to mix it up and give you something else we’re going to say looking at the first looking at the first and what we say what we’re saying here hopefully it’s clear enough to the reader that with focusing on that first factor from above. But even if it’s not so obvious we’re going to just write it indirectly we’re gonna say self-value. So looking at the first self value and you got this all this language or intrinsic extrinsic here so follow you does not need to be. I remember what I was mentioning before does not need to be really nice expression intrinsically assigned. So somebody from the outside is assigning your value they’re determining your value it doesn’t need to be like that but instead it can be like what and when to use that language but can instead can instead intrinsic. But I want to maybe use a verb and use the adverb intrinsically. OK so is that something intrinsically what verb could we use here. We might be able to use the verb appear. You might be able to use the verb be determined. I’m going to use the verb a verb going with Matt. And if you can get it for a finish it materialize very similar to a peer. So it just becomes a fact. So it happens. It’s hard to really define it more than that so materialize but can instead materialize. Intrinsically Okay next sentence we’re looking at the support for that idea. So this language here is a little bit maybe a little bit complex so instead of looking at a support sentence I’m going to use an explanation sentence so I explain a bit more about what I mean by the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic. So when we’re explaining something in simpler terms we often use the beginning. The code is a device. In other words in other words. So in other words and here we can actually use an example to help us. I think I’ve written essays but it works as an example as well. I’m going to use something similar to what I did above with that conditional example. If a worker chooses to see or determine as I mentioned before his value based on his own performance based on his own performance rather than his earnings so the salary or that boss is grading or whatever it might be rather than his earnings he should feel satisfied when he works hard just works hard. I know that seems a bit simple at the end but at least you’re showing your ability to use collocation. So you work hard you work with a lot of efforts. The only thing that I’ve just thought about here is perhaps consistency with referencing unidentified people got to work fine. But then we went to his and above. We kept using there so much is change all the way in there. If a worker chooses to determine their value based on their performance rather than earnings they should feel satisfied when they work hard. OK. Just want to double check that you’ve worked to determine their value based on their performance rather than their earnings. They should feel satisfied when they work hard. There’s a little comma in here and you might argue that hold on why is that comma there. It’s really just to provide this part of the sentence isn’t exactly entirely necessary. We’re using it to emphasize a particular point we’re using it to provide some context so we can just slot it into the sentence. And when we do that we have to use a comma. OK. We can now move on to that second factor. And you’ve got like looking at the first here. So you might think OK well we use turning to the second and yet you could probably do that if you wanted to you don’t have to though don’t feel like that’s an absolute must. You can be a bit flexible. I’m going to use the as four here as for I mentioned before always use this when you’re looking at a second point of reference rather than a first it wouldn’t work in a first case. Sometimes I use it to open up a second paragraph but it never works as a first paragraph it doesn’t work when referring to a first point. It works best when moving to a an additional point to an additional reference point. So as for the fact of passions is just right that in that as for passion. Now we’ve got this. People are usually not passionate people are usually not passionate. So yeah we could say the people are usually more or we could change the generalization you like think that the majority of the majority of people and it isn’t a very happy thing is it. So we might use an adverb like sadly sadly do not work in jobs they are passionate about us that they’re passionate about. Hopefully some of you are looking at the sentence I’ve just written and wondering why something has happened that I haven’t done before. And if you’re thinking about that then that’s a good thing. I’m hoping that you’re looking at this word here. I’ve just deliberately done this to make the points that you should try to avoid doing this when you’re writing your essay that really should not be a contraction should be two separate words. They are. It happens quite often actually with very good writers that they’ll write an essay and I think because they’re so comfortable with that language though and a contraction. But you really should try to avoid that. The language is a little bit too informal. You could argue it’s inappropriate and it might have an effect on your lexical resource score as a result. Not only that but also you’re very unlikely to use contractions throughout the essay so there’s a lack of consistency. Nowhere else have I written there or don’t or won’t or anything like that. There were no other contractions and it’s the same thing when I read people’s essays. They’re laughing about just one or two contractions and nowhere else. So regardless of the fact that it’s too informal It’s also very inconsistent as well so careful of including contractions make sure that you don’t do it. Make sure that you do not do it. Maybe I should say OK. Moving to the final sentence then. Well we basically want to say that it doesn’t need to be this way doesn’t need to be this way. So the sense of contrast again we can bring in the However I know that I’m going to write that because I’ve written it here helps to speed me up here so however and we’ve got pursue outside of work and it is all about how the job may give you the opportunity to pursue your passions outside of work. So it gives you a sense of purpose inside of work and therefore some satisfaction. Again we use another conditional because it’s like an example. It’s also using that alternative result strategy conditions always very useful. I keep on saying this but it’s really important practice your conditionals put them in lots of different situations and scenarios are really important. If they focus on as in the majority of people here if they focus on how their job enables I’ve used enables we can do allows us time is far enough away from the introduction how their job allows them maybe permits them could work as well. It gives them the opportunity to. But it might be a little bit on the long side but the word count allows them to pursue their real passions. And that’s the end of the Course clause. So when I come in here this is in this pursuing of passions this should again we don’t want to avoid the generalization not this will that this should this is my opinion this should provide a sense of. But as I said before. Purpose purpose is not satisfaction. So I want to kind of link it to the idea of satisfaction. So this should provide a sense of purpose and thus I could use the word satisfaction. I mean something quite similar which I think I’m going for here full Philonous fulfillment. OK. And that’s a nice paragraph that workout maybe a little on the high side now 24/7. Already almost at that to 50 point. My conclusion therefore it’s going to be quite short I don’t need to worry about extending it but I do want to make sure that I’m summarizing all the important content of the essay. So we’re going to start a conclusion the way we start all of our conclusions with conclusion and comma. And then we want to do is basically summarize the main points of each of those body paragraphs. Now the first paragraph is we can see here it was all about the factors the make up job satisfaction. So we don’t need to think about how we supported those factors. We just need to include the factors themselves and again we don’t over think how we’re writing this. Usually when it’s a conclusion and you’ve got some sort of list in the previous paragraphs from one of the previous paragraphs we can just use two of the three of the some of the whatever the case is here in this case is two. So two of the main factors and then explain what the factors relate to. So two of the main factors that affect that influence that contribute to job satisfaction. So that affect job satisfaction art. And then we just summarize what those factors are with a few key words. So the first one was self value. We can paraphrase that with the possessive pronoun ones. One’s sense of value one senses your self and how much you value yourself so one’s sense of value and the ones can also carry over to this passion one’s passion and passion for their job. There refers to that one’s as well. So it’s referencing back Udall’s also say one’s job as well that just starts to sound a little bit stuffy and over academic if we use it too much. So two of the main factors that affect job satisfaction or one sense of value and passion for that job. OK. And that sense is that we’ll move onto the second sentence where we are summarizing the opinion. So we’re restating the opinion and also summarizing the argument behind the second paragraph. I don’t want to use in my view again so I’m going to write to my mind same thing. So to my mind these faxes are referencing here. These factors these factors that I’ve just mentioned can both be because there are two. Both can both be manipulated here but I want to I want to use the same sort of idea about how you can take advantage of them. A nice verb we could use is hijacked obviously we usually use it in a negative way but it basically means to take something we must steal something for your own purposes which we’re doing here. So it can be hijacked by the mind by the mind. So quite advanced language here that we can use it can both be hijacked by the mind to allow enable I say permit this time and we have this all workers we know we’re talking about workers we don’t need to keep repeating workers we know it’s about work. So I would just say any body anybody to allow anybody to permit anybody to enjoy their Another word for job or another word for work. We could go with the profession. We could go with the word career. I’m going to go with Korea here and that’s all we need. So quite a short conclusion but that’s important because the rest of the essay was actually quite long. We’ll look at the work around here to A7. We see this not actually too far over 27 words. So at 37 words over the minimum. So a little bit on the long side but still well within the realms of possibility for both finishing and checking the work. OK. So that’s that as essay finish now at the beginning of this video I said to you that I would quickly at the end. Speak to you about how we could have organized the body paragraphs in a different way more like a problem solution essay structure. So I’m just going to show you how that could have been done here. You can probably already imagine it. Basically we would have a couple of sentences about the factory itself and then a couple of sentences about how they mean that job satisfaction can be realistic for workers. So I’m just going to copy my ideas here up here and then copy my ideas that I had here down here as a bit of an issue because obviously it’s quite lopsided with those six instances here of for here that we can we can sort that out. So we’ve got the factors one of the factors. First of all Also we’re going to do this. We’re going to change to factor one and then we’re going to change it to factor two and then we can see the first factor is self-value. We explain it we give a result and then we’ve got the results as well. Low self-esteem. I don’t think we need to put this part in here manipulate factors equal satisfaction that could actually come in that sentence here. So I would take that out and I would add something like what would we call it we just say how realistic would say a job. Yes it’s realistic because you can determine your value intrinsically rather than actions. For example data that is the same thing down here. We’ve got the personal interest and we explain why it’s important high salary low passion that sort of stuff. Now people are not usually passionate about their work however because work allows people to pursue their interests outside of work and people can actually still be passionate about their jobs even if they’re not personally interested in the profession. You could actually get away with just four sentences that that would be OK. So you could use it in either way. I think this essay here is a little bit stronger than this would have being but this would still be more than good enough for seven or eight if you were able to put it forward with clarity and a nice sense of structure to it. Also this one might be a bit easier in terms of referencing you would just write about the factor and then you would come and you would say this factor makes it realistic to expect job satisfaction because it can be manipulated or you could say something like. Fortunately self-value can be determined intrinsically rather than extrinsically because you can determine your value based on your own performance. This means that you get to determine how satisfied you are with your work. So it’s not like there’s an easy phrase to remember here but you can see how you can transition without too much difficulty between the factor and the idea of how realistic without it seeming to need separate paragraphs. OK. Hopefully all of that’s you understand it’s a little bit trickier of course this essay here it doesn’t fit into any of the categories but what I want you to take away from the lecture today is that it doesn’t matter if one of your tasks doesn’t seem to fit neatly into one of the categories particularly if you’ve got two questions you can just treat them separately in separate body power girls. Or do you think they go together. You can do that too. There is not one set way. Just try to make sure you are communicating your ideas with clarity and you are communicating with cohesion and coherence as well. Hope you found this essay useful. As always let me know if you have any questions you may do for this ones a little bit trickier. And I will speak to you in the next and final essay.
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