Travelling - Part 1دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Miscellaneous / 2-Part Essays / درس 3
Travelling - Part 1
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دانلود اپلیکیشن «زوم»
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Hello everybody. Welcome back. This is our last essay that we’re going to look at in this course. We’ve looked at nine other essays so far spanning a range of different topics and different question types. So the one that we’re finishing with is related to my favorite topic and that is related to travel. And we’re going to look at an essay which is quite similar to the previous essay in that it doesn’t seem to neatly fit into any of the four question types but I’m going to show you again how. We don’t need to panic really simple. We can just apply a structure over the top of this response that makes a lot of logical sense. And we’ll talk about that structure in just a moment. Let’s go through the usual process here. So first of all we want to read out the question. So we have today more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case. What are the benefits of traveling for the traveler. Now usually here we would try to identify the question type. For me this doesn’t seem to neatly fit. As I mentioned into any of the four question types so you are I am going to suggest that we treat it quite similarly to the one before we have two questions. So we’re going to treat it like a two part question a two part question a two part essay with an element solve a situation about it and we’ll look at those individual questions. Those two questions in a moment and we can think about whether they’re related enough for us to set it up like a situation structure or if we should just leave each answer in a separate body paragraph. Well think about that in a moment. Let’s just think about the key words here. First of all so open this up I would say that more people are trapped. I mean it is quite a self-explanatory task really. More people are traveling than ever before. So we’ve got two main themes coming through here. The main the main the primary theme is the traveling but we also have this increasing trend of traveling as well. More people than ever are traveling. Why is this the case simply why. And then what are the benefits of traveling but not just the benefits in general. The benefits of traveling for the travelers themselves. So that’s a bit different. So we’re not looking at the tourism industry things like that we’re actually specifically focusing on those individuals who choose to go traveling. What are the advantages that they can enjoy. OK so let’s think about a plan here. And as I mentioned we need to consider whether we want to put those two questions together in a single paragraph or if we want to separate them. And I think it’s not a good idea to put the responses to those questions together within a single paragraph. And the reason that I think that is because the two responses are not closely enough related. When you get a two part question and they are quite rare but if you do get a two part question just take a moment to consider whether it would be better to answer both questions within a single paragraph and then do the same again in BP too or whether it would be better to spend your BP one responding to the first question and BP to responding to the second question if you’re not sure. My recommendation is to go for the latter approach. Answer each question in a separate paragraph but just try to make a clear transition between those two body paragraphs. We’ll be looking at how to do that a bit later in this essay. OK. Now we’ve got that out the way. Let’s go with that approach. We’re going to answer each question individually. So we’re starting with the why why is it the case that more people are traveling than ever before. And as I mentioned just a moment ago the first idea that comes to mind is that it’s a lot more affordable to travel than in the past. And in fact we could give an example of how it is more affordable. And I’ve said it before but a nice approach with examples is to try to make them as visual as possible try to make them as direct as possible. Don’t leave any abstract terms if you can avoid it. We’re literally going to look at the idea of traveling from my from Britain to let’s go with Turkey. So what happened in the past and what is now this also sets up a great opportunity to use a complex sentence whereas in the past it used to cost this march. Now it costs this much it’s obviously going to cost more. But in relative terms it actually costs less when you adjust for inflation. So example literal clear direct example moving to the next sentence. Now I think this is going to take a lot of time because we’ve got a complex sentence where we’re looking at two time references that is going to be worth about two sentences. So I’m actually going to move straight home and go into the second reason. So we could keep developing this idea about affordability. But this is pretty clear. Affordability is not an abstract concept that we have to explain in detail that should be enough. Let’s go with another reason to his second idea here. And we will go with the voice in social media. So rise social media. Why does that matter. Well you can probably think too whenever you’ve gone on Facebook or Instagram and many of the pictures that you see are of exotic locations friends in exotic locations having a great time on holiday. I mean we all know that for some people Facebook is just an opportunity to show off what you’ve got or what other people don’t have. It’s kind of infuriating that way. But that’s the way it is at the moment. But we can talk about that. So what should we say here. Why does it matter. So we are. This is important because this is important because Web sites like Facebook and Instagram they show people pictures of friends in exotic locations those pictures friends exotic locations will turn it into a better sentence later will offer some nice vocabulary too. Great. That’s fine. Those four sentences will be enough because we know this sentence in particular is going to be quite long BP too. We’re looking at one of the benefits of traveling for the traveler. So what is one of the benefits of traveling for the traveler. I would say that’s one of the clearest ones is I’m speaking from my own perspective here. So when I go traveling I tend to become less stressed. So we’re going to talk about a reduction in stress levels or say stress levels reduce again will turn into a nice sentence later. Why is that. Now try and make it as relevant to individuals travelers as you can. Maybe you can focus on travelers being able to reduce their pressure at work work related anxieties that would be a good term to use here. So we can think about the way that they go abroad enables them to take a break from work and thus relieve their work related anxieties. OK now what’s the results of reducing anxiety. We did this in a previous essay I think we did it. We’re looking at the elderly but we looked at how living in a nursing home results in loneliness. But then we put another results on top of the loneliness which was depression because loneliness also results in depression in a lot of cases. We’re going to do the same thing here but the other way around we’re going to look at it in terms of a positive. So first of all a benefit it results in a way is that we can reduce our anxieties and our stress but the result on top of that is that we can actually increase happiness. And again quite similar back to the elderly. We were talking about a weak immune system in this case if we’re happy we can actually boost our immune system. So when we’re less stressed we can actually boost our immune system our immune system is not compromised. OK now let’s look at a another benefit and that’s very important in this paragraph because we have the requirements seeing that pl. S next to the end of benefits there. So let’s think of another one. And here is a bit of a more abstract concept but broadening horizons you may have heard of this before but broadening horizons a little bit difficult to explain. It’s really kind of increasing your awareness and tolerance and experience of the world. You can sort of appreciate the term with the verb broadened to make something wider. It’s like you’re expanding your mind a little bit. Now we’re just going to explain how that happens through travel. Well it happens because as I say we’re getting new experiences. And what I might do here is bring in results on the end as well talking about that’s appreciation and awareness maybe something like that because if we just say broadening horizons new experiences that’s good but it’s not the strongest benefit language. Someone could still ask and say well why is that a good thing. Why are new experiences good. Why is broadening your horizons good. If we go we show appreciation then we clearly are indicating a very positive bodily feeling and there’s an obvious benefit to that. So a deeper appreciation might be useful at the end of that sentence. OK. That’s the plan. That’s what we’ve got is a loss plan that we’re going to look at. Hopefully it will turn into a good essay here. So let’s leave it in the corner as usual and dive right into the introduction. Now with the introduction again we’re looking at a trend we’ve talked about this before but a lot of ials tasks look at differences between past and present something happening more often something happening less often. And we can use language to help us here in the past we’ve used things like it is increasingly common. We’ve used in recent years. I mean we use a quite similar expression to the latter there. I’m going to say in recent times and in recent times it’s just a little bit different. In recent years it suggests something happening over a longer period. When I hear in recent years I think about the last maybe five to 10 to 15 to 20 years if I hit in recent times I’m more thinking on terms of like generations like 20 years 30 years 40 years and even 50 years. And I think that is the case with more people who are traveling. It’s not been happening over the past five or 10 but it’s really a longer process. I would say so in recent times might be a better choice. So more importantly we need the appropriate tense. What tense would we use here. Hopefully you’re saying present perfect you would be right. Traveling has become a hugely popular activity. So I’m not using a comparative here. I’m not saying traveling has become more popular. I could do I could say more popular than it used to be but that doesn’t really show as much as I would want. I want to show that it’s hugely popular. I want to get to a really big thing now really trying to emphasize it’s from ever before. So in recent times traveling has become a hugely popular activity. There’s a German statement that’s actually all we need is quite sure. But it allows us to speed up and move straight into the planned sentence. And the reason that we want to give ourselves a bit more time for the plans and science is because we’re answering two questions here. It might take us a little bit longer because those questions are not quite so related to one another. They are a bit but not enough. So we want to give ourselves a bit more time. This essay will as always this essay will what will it do. First of all why is this the case we’re looking at reasons just like benefits here. It’s reasons up here you can’t see the word but you can certainly use it in the same sort of structure. This essay will discuss a number of benefits. This essay will explore a number of reasons but not to use that word. I’m going to cite possible factors behind my reasons for causes of factors behind this essay will explore a number of possible factors behind this rise in popularity. We’ve looked at this before but chose a nice bit of word formation understanding adjective and noun. And notice it’s not raise the price rises when we’re looking at the trend here. So with this rise in popularity and detail some of the. And here we come on over here the benefits. Now it’s not enough to finish it here because we do want to be explicit and say we’re talking about the traveler not the industry not society but the individual traveler and details some of the benefits that traveling can offer the traveler. In fact you’ve got the traveler here. I’m going to just write it down and say travelers as in all travelers that go OK we’re individually anyway. Now you can see here that I’ve used this word detail a lot of you may be saying hold on that’s a noun. Would it work here. It’s also a verb. You can use it as a verb as well. It’s like go into detail about some of the benefits that traveling can offer travelers. And that’s our introduction. We have a word count of 35 words very slim here. But I want to really go into depth in the body across so I want to give myself plenty of time to do that by limiting the length of the introduction and the conclusion probably as well. OK so we can now move into the plan and into the first paragraph we’re looking at. White always look at your titles. Give you a good idea of how to at least open the paragraphs because I’ve got this why here. I know and I’m looking at reasons and similar to many of my other openings. Body paragraphs. One of the main reasons it’s a good thing I didn’t use reason here I can use it here now and avoid repetition. One of the main reasons why now what is happening to this the number of people traveling. What’s happening to that number. What has been happening to that number. It has been increasing. So we can say has increased or has been increasing it can actually be either here. I’m just going to say has increased has been increasing is a suggestion that it’s going to continue into the future. So OK either one is fine has increased is that it’s and we’ve got this affordable idea here. Travel is much more affordable and simple than in the past. Yet you could go with that. I’m going to use the used to grandma here just to show we have that ability than it used to be. Travel is much more affordable than it used to be. Notice that I’m not actually saying cheaper here. Number one cheaper is an easier expression. It’s not quite as advanced. But number two it’s also less accurate. Traveling is actually more expensive than it used to be in absolute terms because of inflation. Think everything has got more expensive but we have also increased our salaries at the same time. So although it is not cheaper to travel it is more affordable. We can afford it. So notice the difference between the adjectives cheap and affordable. There is a key difference that they’re not always synonymous. Right. Let’s move into the example as always Keeping it simple for instance comma for instance comma example Britain Turkey past. Now we were looking at a complex sentence. How do we begin a complex sentence with a subordinating conjunction. Or you can put it later but I like to put it at the beginning. So we’re going to start here with a. Whereas. Whereas we want to make it very clear what time period we’re working with and we’re working with the past so let’s write that in. Whereas in the past and it’s good thing we didn’t write in the past here. Otherwise again that would be repetition. So whereas in the past. Now notice what I’m going to do here. It might. How do we use might and let’s use the verb here cost. How would we put this into the past how would we put might into the past. Well all we have to do is are half between the Modu and the infin. whereas in the past it might have cost the average let’s say the average person keeping it simple maybe even a year’s salary. I’m not being specific about when in the past because I don’t actually know. And of course we don’t know about salaries but we do. We’re talking about the average person the average person a year’s salary to travel. Keeping it simple from Britain to Turkey. OK. Now we’ve reached the end of that dependent clause so what happens now. We add a comma and now we use the independent clause to talk about the now the present moment. These days your very clear switch in the time these days it is possible present simple. It is possible for let’s say British tourists showing a word for understanding. It is but it is possible for British tourists to enjoy a nice expression you may have heard this before. A last minute usually you get good deals at the last minute. So we’re emphasizing this point here to enjoy a last minute. And here’s a nice term for a holiday which takes place in a city and is over a short period of time. Nice collocation city break. A last minute city break could compound down there in. And what’s the what’s popular tourist destination in Turkey. A popular city with Istanbul enjoy a last minute city break in Istanbul for now we want to create this comparison with a year’s salary so we could say instead. Well I’m not sure here. We’re talking about the average person so let’s say the cost of half a month’s pay half a month’s pay and notice we’re talking about a last minute city break here. And because it’s just a break it would just be a couple of days. So maybe it is. I’m probably off with my figures. It’s not important. The accuracy of the information in terms of facts is not so important particularly if you’re in the right ballpark at least. The important thing is that you’re showing your ability with the grammar and you’re doing very well. You get a complex sentence. You’re switching between time references past present you’re word formation understanding you’re avoiding repetition you’re showing that range of vocabulary and everything sounds very fluent and cohesive. So an excellent sentence there. Now if we move on to the second reason we’ll make it very simple. And another significance we won’t use reason. We’ve used Fatta we’ve used reason. Let’s go with calls. Another significant cause we could say of the rise in the number of people traveling. I don’t think we need it here. It’s already turning into quite a long paragraph so we just got another significant cause is you know what we’re talking about here. The rise in social media. Just like in the plan I’m using the plan to help speed me up here not over developing ideas. We will develop the next sentence instead of this sentence. We’ve got pictures friends exotic locations. And what I said before was that I was going to start the sentence with. This is important because I’ve just thought of a better adjective that we can use instead. What’s the adjective here. Influential. This is influential. Social media has an influence because this is influential because it will bring in those examples Web sites like Facebook and Instagram. Even though Instagram is more the app at the Web sites still exists doesn’t really matter. Web sites like Facebook and Instagram I use the verb PRESENTER Earlier present there uses people that use them with pictures of friends in exotic locations. I think we can do better here. Let’s use a really nice expression when we talk about social media and kind of the problem that’s exists in terms of all of these pictures appearing again and again and again and again and it never rains you just scroll and you scroll and you scroll and you scroll a good expression to talk about but is this an unending stream of you can think of a stream. It just goes and goes and goes and goes to let the river let’s see whatever an unending stream it just goes and it goes and it goes and it goes off. And now we can put in this language here let’s say photos of friends in exotic locations will add a little bit more here because I feel that the word count quite high we haven’t really explained why this matters. We’ve said it’s influential because of this but we haven’t really explained why that’s influential yet we haven’t really explained how this leads people to go traveling. So we’re going to have to add a little bit more language here in order to ensure our task response school is maximized in order to ensure our idea is properly developed there for all. Thus thus. And here’s some nice language eliciting so bringing about an emotion to elicit an emotion to bring about an emotion thus eliciting a desire to travel. Nice and simple thus eliciting a desire to travel. OK. So it’s a little bit on the long side now one four five. But you know even if it was able to withstand the 300 are not too bad and we can move into the second body paragraph now.
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