Travelling - Part 2دوره: Mastering ielts writing task 2 band 9 model answers / فصل: Miscellaneous / 2-Part Essays / درس 4
Travelling - Part 2
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دانلود اپلیکیشن «زوم»
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متن انگلیسی درس
So a second body paragraph you can see here we’re looking at the benefits. But as I mentioned earlier we want to do our best to transition smoothly between the two body paragraphs. We want to do our best to create a link between the two body paragraphs. Whether that’s with an appropriate cohesive device whether that’s with referencing it needs to be there if you want to maximize your score in coherence and cohesion. Let’s use referencing today to link these paragraphs together rather than any particular cohesive device. Now referencing is often a case of using a demonstrated pronoun. So let’s put it right in here. This this this what what have we been talking about here. We’ve been talking about the reasons for what the reasons for the number of people traveling increasing. In other words this growth in travel this growth in travel maybe that expression didn’t come to mind. That’s not important. That’s not what I want to emphasize here. What I want to emphasize is that we are referencing back to the previous paragraph and to the topic as a whole that is the idea with cohesion you’re not just linking between sentences you’re not just linking between ideas and not just linking between paragraphs you’re linking everything together into this kind of network of ideas really tricky. But on the page it looks really simple. That’s the funny thing about coherence and cohesion when you get very good at it. It’s supposed to attract no attention. That’s what you need to do to get a bad night. It’s written in the band descript two requirements band Nine says uses cohesion in a way that it attracts no attention. OK let’s carry on. This growth in travel means that snow I want to introduce just the fact that we’re talking about benefits here so it means that many people can now enjoy the benefits of traveling. Nice and simple. OK now we’re going to transition into the first idea. The first benefit and we can use this nice expression I can’t remember if I’ve used this one with you yet. Not least among them. This is a good way of transitioning from a group of points like benefits into an individual point. We’ve looked at something like this before with something like the most obvious of which is the biggest of which is the best of which is that sort of thing. And here we can use not least among them to mean that this is an important example that we are giving. So it’s an important one. So not least among them we’ve got stress levels which is that I need to follow it with a noun. So you go a reduction in stress levels a reduction in stress levels. OK let’s move into the second sentence. We could use a. This happens because if we wanted to because it’s the last essay let’s not rely on cohesive devices that we already know about. We’ll try to transition in a little bit more organically. We’ll just go with travelers can use trips abroad trips abroad traveling we’re trying to trying to paraphrase when possible too. Now I use the verb earlier relief. A really good verb when using it with the noun anxiety or anxieties. So to relieve their work related as I put here in the plan anxiety is good verb noun collocation understanding sharing your ability in that area. Travelers can use trips abroad to relieve their work related anxieties. It seems a bit short to me. I’m going to have a little bit more. So stress is often about dwelling on the past or worrying about the future and with stress you’re rarely in the present moment. So let’s emphasize the point by talking about being on holiday allows you to be in the present moment. Again show collocation understanding. Focus on the present moment. OK. Now it’s long enough I feel quite comfortable ending the sentence that moving into the next sentence we can see here that we’ve got a result sentence but it was a result on top of another results. And when we do this we can use the expression interm read they in turn this. But another thing that you can do just to show a little bit more variation a little bit more range in your ability to switch the order a bit. We can say in turn this so we could say this in turn double coming here this shows a bit more range. This in turn can. And here we have the plan increase happiness. And I said simple stick to it and boost their immune system. So this in turn can increase happiness and it boosts their immune system. Maybe there’s a bit of a lack of symmetry here. Perhaps we should add that here as well. So this in turn can increase their happiness and boost their immune system. Obvious benefits. You know we don’t have to explain that benefit. We’ve explained how it can happen. Because you know the anxiety is reduced but we don’t have to explain why it’s a benefit is an obvious benefit. So we can move on to the second benefits and we are actually going to use that language. A second benefit we’ve used were benefits. Let’s go with what merit here. Be careful with words like merit. It’s not always then always easy to use. I would recommend just reading examples of the word merit in use to understand where it can naturally appear and where it can appear a bit forced and natural. So here it’s fine. A second merit of traveling is what have we got here. Broaden horizons so is that it’s can help us and always help again remember to avoid those generalizations. I know that there are a few instances of and can kind of difficult to avoid. I wouldn’t worry about that too much is that it can help to broaden people’s horizons. OK. Make sure you add some sort of agent in here broaden peoples broaden travelers broaden tourist whatever you want needs to be something and broaden people’s horizons. Now this idea of new experiences. I put this next to an S but I think it lends itself more naturally to an example sentence. Now I use for instance up here so down here I’m going to use for example. And we’re going to talk about these new experiences but I want to bring in more topic related vocabulary I want to expand the idea here. What are these new experiences exactly. With a case of going to new places and in other words something a little bit less common exploring unfamiliar regions would be a nice way to put it exploring unfamiliar regions give us new experiences so gives travelers it doesn’t necessarily gives new experiences but it certainly gives them a chance to enjoy new experiences. I am I’m not sure I like enjoying new experiences. I think what I will actually do is turn the word experience the noun experience into a verb here a chance to experience by doing this. I open up another opportunity to show more topic related vocabulary. So instead of saying a chance to enjoy new experiences that’s OK let’s say experience new cultures much better new cultures and meet people from different countries cultures again backgrounds from different backgrounds for example exploring unfamiliar regions gives travelers a chance to experience new cultures and meet people from different backgrounds. As I mentioned before though we haven’t really explained why that’s a benefit. It’s kind of obvious but I feel like it needs a little bit more. It’s not like up above where we talked about increasing happiness and boosting the immune system. All the benefits down here some people might say that meeting people from different backgrounds is a bad thing. You know maybe it will be rare but you could perhaps make that argument. So we want to make clear reference to why it’s a good thing. So let’s do that here. As a result we haven’t used it yet. So as a result travelers can enjoy a nice collocation nice adjective noun collocation a deep or deeper appreciation for the wealth will keep it relatively short because we are increasing the word count. But we do need to explain why it’s a benefit and that’s obvious. We use the verb enjoy for starters and then we’ve got a deeper appreciation. The obvious benefits here we have a word count of two for three. So we are still under the 250 but we’re climbing dangerously high. Therefore we shouldn’t spend too much time on the conclusion but we will take care with it at the same time. Just like before. Just like with every essay we need to make sure that we summarize the main key points of our essay in order to score a 9. So let’s start in the usual way. In conclusion and this is going to be the final paragraph of this course so pay attention. In conclusion now most of the time so far we have set up conclusions like this. Two of the reasons for two of the benefits for some of the advantages of we’ve always ordered it with the words benefits disadvantages problems reasons at the beginning of the sentence. This time I want to switch the order and put those words at the end of the sentence or in the second half of the sentence just so. Because it’s our last conclusion. You have a little bit more range of flexibility when it comes to the essay. The idea with this course is to give you lots and lots of different approaches. Hopefully I’ve done that. We’re going to have a look at one more here. So instead of looking at the word reasons at the beginning of the sentence we’re going to look at it in the second half. That means the reasons themselves come from the second half of the sentence and come back to the first half. So we put them in right here. So immediately I need to look at my reasons. The first one was affordable. What is the noun of affordable affordability affordability so greater affordability and and the second reason we have social media here. So let’s say the what’s the noun of influential influence and the influence of social media. So paraphrasing as well are two reasons why. So instead of saying two reasons why traveling has become more popular our greater affordability and the influence of social media. We switched it around and we’re saying greater affordability and the influence of social media are two reasons why more people are traveling than ever before. Let’s paraphrase that away from the task. A nice expression. A record number of people are traveling these days. We know it’s a record number without even knowing the number because up here we’ve got than ever before. I suggest that the number is higher. It’s a record. So a record number of people are traveling these days. Now we can move into the second sentence and this time we’ll switch the order back to the normal order again. It’s showing your range. You’re saying to the examiner look I can switch the structure of sentences with ease and flexibility. So instead of saying the benefits at the beginning the benefits themselves at the beginning we use the word the benefits at the beginning the benefits for these travelers. Again notice the referencing here. I can combine these two sentence together together link them together through the Demonstrate of pronoun we’re referring to these people here the benefits for these travelers include what have we got stress reduction say decreased stress levels yeah amusing stress levels again but I am changing the word before. Decreased instead of a reduction decreased stress levels and increased. A nice thing hatefullness but symmetry decreased this and increase this increased appreciation is the word awareness and appreciation a nice bit of alliteration to end our course. Ay ay ay ok. And that is the end of that essay. The word count in the end wasn’t too high. Only five words over the 10 percent increase. 280 words. Now let’s just consider what we’ve done here. Where will we we’re looking at a slightly trickier question a two part question. But again you don’t need to panic with these questions. It’s simply a case of answering the first question in the first paragraph and answering the second question in the second body paragraph particularly if you can naturally link those ideas together. But to make sure or to try and link the paragraphs together in a cohesive fashion whether that’s worth referencing as we’ve done here or with an appropriate carry said device tried to do that as much as you can throughout the course of the essay between ideas between sentences between paragraphs and over the whole essay. Like I said before a network of ideas are interrelated if possible so that you attract no attention with your cohesion you will now have one lost vocabulary exercise to check out. As always if you have any questions about this essay about the vocabulary exercise or about anything it’s all that you’ve watched in this video course do not hesitate to get in touch. I try and respond to every question sometimes it takes me a little while but I do get back to everyone eventually. All that’s left for me to say is that I really hope that you’ve enjoyed this course and that you found it useful. I created this course specifically because I had so many people asking me to repeat the type of video that I had at the end of my task to courseware I went through a model answer. I thought about just doing a different question. One question for each question type which would have left me with four questions that I thought No let’s go and create 10 different walk through use on different topics so that you have the best preparation available. I hope I’ve done that for you if you’ve enjoyed this course. Please leave a review if you have anything critical to say and also leave a review. I appreciate every comment that I receive. This has been a course for Matt at the science teacher. This is Matt signing off and wishing you all all the best in your science exams.
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