3بخش

Why’d you scream?

I just assumed there’d be something scary but it’s actually a really nice place.

We probably shouldn’t snoop around.

Yeah.

Definitely not.

GEORGE: Come on.

Huh.

Hmm.

GEORGE: Not So Cheery O’s?

This guy’s bumming me out.

I gotta say, this has not been the funnest snoop.

Yeah, no, totally.

Really sad snoop.

Kinda regretting it, actually.

I sure hope we don’t ever end up like him.

All alone.

It’s impossible.

That would never happen.

Yeah, yeah.

That’ll never happen.

Unless he puts us in separate classes.

Which will never happen.

It’ll never happen.

‘Cause we control him now.

And if ever gives us any trouble again, all we gotta do is snap our fingers.

and “Tra-la-laa!”

All of our problems go away.

Oh, yeah

Beautiful

Even more beautiful

Hey, Tommy.

What’s going on?

Hey, guys.

Whoa!

Cool shirts!

KRUPP: What are you two doing together?

I separated you.

No, you didn’t.

What are you talking about?

I signed the paperwork.

See?

I don’t see a signature.

Harold, do you see a signature?

Not a thing.

I actually can’t see a thing.

These sunglasses are too dark.

What?

I could have sworn I signed that thing.

No matter.

There!

Officially separated.

Forever.

What?

Give me that.

Tra-la-laaa!

See?

Problem solved.

Ooh!

Greetings, citizens!

Quick, in here.

Okay, you know what?

These shirts were way premature.

Definitely.

Come on.

Let’s turn him back into Krupp.

We can’t.

He’ll separate us, remember?

Yeah, well, we can’t have him wandering around looking like that.

A triangle!

It dings!

Ah!

Principal Krupp, you caught us again.

You better take us to your office for a good old talking-to.

Right?

Principal Krupp?

CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS: Principal who?

Captain Underpants, get out here.

Sidekicks are you sure my secret identity requires these restricting, uncomfortable clothes?

Yes, positive.

100% positive.

Now act like a principal.

Oh, right.

How does a principal act?

Mean!

Okey-doke.

I’m a principal!

Oh, yeah.

That’s great.

Come on.

We’re almost there.

Oh, hello.

Surprise.

It’s Edith.

Did you like my tuna casserole?

I cannot lie.

I don’t recall having your tuna casserole.

What?

Oh.

But if your casserole is as striking as your one blue eye.

Oh, I didn’t think you noticed.

Oh, my.

Two blue eyes.

Ooh!

Principal Krupp.

It’s time to go.

Gotta wrap it up.

Very well then.

Up, up, and.

And this way, sir.

Ooh!

Flirt alert.

A-ha!

Wow, she’s still on hold.

Phew!

We made it.

Well, hello, citizen.

What?

Oh, and hello to you, too.

I was just, like, admiring the view from your broken window.

It’s in the shape of a man.

Anyway, I am here to interview for the science teacher position.

Perfect.

I’m disguised as an elementary school principal.

Guys, I totally got this.

Don’t worry one bit.

Now, where did I put that resume?

No, not that.

Oh, this thing.

This one’s fun.

Ooh!

Heads up.

That one’s gonna leave a mark.

I’ve been looking for that.

Oh, not that.

Ah-ha!

Here we go.

Hmm.

Says here you’re a science teacher?

Not exactly.

But you have teaching experience?

Oh, no, I can’t say that I do.

Not even, like, babysitting?

I would never sit on a baby.

Camp counselor?

Never was a camp counselor.

Although I did receive counseling for some trauma I experienced as a child.

I’m getting a really good vibe about you.

Now hold on.

Let me see that resume.

It says here that you were a genius inventor?

Mad genius inventor.

But yes.

And then for the last few years you’ve “been in a very dark place” and your title was “Revenge Seeker?”

“Revenge at all costs.

“Die! Die!”

Am I reading this right?

Yeah, that’s basically what I’ve been up to.

so here I am!

Applying for a job in the thriving public school system with all of its amazing resources.

But honestly, kids are so understanding.

So innocent.

Their smiles brighten my heart and fill me with a joy-adjacent feeling.

As long as they are controlled and do not laugh nor smile nor play nor laugh.

Children must never laugh!

Well, you seem terrific!

You’re hired!

BOTH: What?

Excellent.

Oh, by the way, going to need Fridays off and every other Tuesday through Thursday for my evil experiments.

Hope that’s not a problem.

Okay, bye-bye!

Oh, this is bad.

We just hired a maniac for a science teacher!

Uh, yeah.

We gotta fix this before Krupp finds out.

Sounds like a job for Captain Underpants.

No, no, no.

You need to stay here.

Okay, you’re the principal, remember?

Yeah, just sit there and look angry for no reason.

You got it.

Grr.

Ooh!

That will be interesting to put my eye up to.

What?

How did I get here?

Why is my face wet?

Hiya, class.

I’m your cool, new teacher.

Not some scary guy with a secret evil agenda.

Anyway, I’m just going to dive right in here.

If there was one thing about this world that you could change what would it be?

Ooh!

Ooh!

Peace on Earth.

Unattainable.

Anyone else?

Pacific Ocean into chocolate.

Atlantic into nacho cheese.

It’s like we’re the same person and yet so, so different.

I love it.

But more importantly if I had to change one thing about the world it would be to get rid of laughter.

Get rid of laughter?

What kind of person wants to do that?

Oh, oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Sir, sir.

Yes?

I love it.

Oh, look at this.

We got a grade A suck-up.

Good to know, good to know.

Anyway.

This is the brain of an average child.

Right here is the “thinking about candy” lopalus.

The “fear of what’s under the bed” lobe.

This is the “only thing I’ll eat is pizza.

“chicken nuggets, or buttered noodles” lobe.

Right here is the as soon as

someone else has a toy.

“I want that toy” anterior lobe.

And this.

This is the Hahaguffawchuckleamalus.

This funny little purple part holds our entire capacity for laughter.

For years, I’ve tried to shrink it or cut it out entirely. but frustratingly, our survival seems dependent upon it.

I don’t like this.

I mean, I don’t really understand it.

But the stuff I am understanding seems genuinely bad to me.

Yeah, same.

Um.

Excuse me, Professor P?

Why are you trying to get rid of laughter?

Isn’t laughter the best medicine?

Medicine is the best medicine!

So.

Yeesh.

What?

What does the P stand for?

Excuse me?

The P.

In your name.

What does it stand for?

Oh, it’s private.

So that means your name is Professor Privates?

What’s so funny?

I don’t get it.

Principal’s office, now!

You too!

Why him?

Because your friendship and shared sense of humor irritates me and must be destroyed!

We gotta do something about that new science teacher.

Yeah, it’s like he’s even more of a villain than Krupp.

I didn’t even think that was possible.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Wait a second.

Tell me about it.

What?

Who do you think.

Oh, okay.

Maybe we could fix this if we just.

Can you hear me?

No, that’ll never work.

I’m sitting right here.

Wait, Professor P doesn’t want anybody to know his last name.

Right?

Right!

Who’s Professor P?

Exactly!

Where is the respect?

I am your principal!

Wait, is he Krupp again?

George!

Yup.

Pretty sure he is.

Harold!

How’d that even happen?

Tra-la-laaa!

Greetings!

I need to get the Sidekicks, what do I need again?

BOTH: (WHISPERING) The file on the new science teacher.

Oh, right, right.

I need the bile on the gooey fence creature.

Science teacher.

The dewy tense preacher?

The dial on the.

HAROLD: Oh, come on!

Thank you, human woman!

Sidekicks, explain to me the importance of this secret file.

There’s a new super villain in town and we’re trying to discover his weakness.

Oh.

BOTH: “Poopypants.”

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

His name is Poopypants

We found his weakness

Hallelujah

He wants to rid the world Of laughter

Forever

And ever

We will defeat him

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Poopypants

Captain?

You forgetting something?

Oh, look at that.

They came off again.

Hey there, kiddo.

First day for Professor P.

Can you tell me where the lunch is consumed?

What’s going on with your face?

Are you choking?

Do you need to sneeze?

I see, I see.

Got a case of the giggles, huh?

That’s fun.

Well, I’ve got just the remedy for that.

In the cage.

Now!

Why?

Because I hate laughter and children and I’ve got a cage in a briefcase!

Okay, well, have a nice day.

Now what’s for lunch?

Excuse me, could you explain to me why this is funny?

You!

Why is everyone laughing?

Uh, you’re asking the wrong dude.

“Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of.

“Professor Poopypants.”

PROFESSOR POOPYPANTS: Oh, What’s happening?

I’m hyperventilating.

Esteemed members of the Nobel Prize Committee it is with great pride that I present to you the Sizerator 2000!

CROWD: Ooh.

Oh.

Behold, we can smallify.

No more traffic jams.

And conversely, largify.

Look at how big this hot dog is.

Going to need a lot of mustard for this frankfurter!

The Nobel Peace Prize in Inventing Stuff goes to um, Professor.

Is that really your name?

It’s not, like, some kind of joke?

No.

It’s not, like, a joke.

It’s a traditional name in New Swissland.

Am I pronouncing it right?

Poopypants?

More or less.

Except the emphasis is on the “poop.”

Why are you laughing?

I’ve invented a shrinking and enlarging ray!

I should be famous!

I should be dating models twice my size and doing the talk show circuit!

I should be protecting baby seals as a cause that I say I care about, but not really!

This guy is too much!

Stop!

Stop laughing!

No, stop it!

Okay.

Phew!

Oh.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry.

Here.

Take the award.

It’s really fun to say Poopypants.

You keep your stupid award!

I don’t want it anymore.

Oh, and one more thing.

On behalf of the Nobel Prize committee, please accept our apology.

And could you change me back now please?

Why don’t you go on and invent your own shrinking and enlarging ray if you think you’re so smart?