Top Marks - A Brief Look at a Task 2 Model Answer

Welcome back everybody. Now in today’s Lexx show we’re going to look at what a band Nine answer looks like. Of course you are probably not aiming to achieve a band Nine in your writing. You might be but you’re probably not. But regardless it still can be very useful to have a look at what is involved in a band. 9. Answer so that you can have a better understanding of what the examiners are looking for from a good piece of writing. So instead of looking at slides today we’re going to look at a document and we’re going to go through it piece by piece to learn why the essay succeeds. And scores have band 9. Okay so this is the essay that we’re going to focus on today. This is our model answer. Let’s look at the question first of all. Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each crime. Others however argue that the circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. So what we’re going to do as we go through this question and the answer is we’re going to pick out pieces of language and techniques which have been used to address deoband descriptors. I will be explaining which of the bad descriptors are addressed in each of the highlighted pieces of language and I will also be pointing you to the lecture which tells you how to improve your skill in this area. So first of all we have a highlighted word in the question and notice that we have lots of underlined words in the question as well. This is because we’re looking at Task achievements underlining key words to stay focussed on the task requirements. You can learn about this in lecture 7 which is about planning effectively moving in to the answer itself. Notice that we begin with the word although this covers the requirement for complex sentences. Here we’re looking at a complex sentence by way of a subordinating conjunction which is although you can learn about these in lecture 23 which is titled complex sentences. So although there is no doubt that crime must be punished it is important to consider which type of penal system is most appropriate. Let’s look at the into and it is important to consider this helps us to write a general statement in the introduction. And you can learn about these in lecture 10 incredibly quick introductions whereas penal system this is allowing us to address the need for topic related vocabulary parts of lexical resource and you can learn about this in lecture a teen what’s your topic. While some believe that a system of fixed sentences should be adopted. I support the view that punishments should be based on motives and circumstances. With I support the view we’re giving a clear opinion and we’re presenting it in the Introduction to make sure that we present disposition throughout. You can learn about how to do this in lecture 16 creating and maintaining a position. So moving to the first paragraph paragraph those who advocate implementing a judicial process of set punishments may argue that this would make criminal trials more efficient. Let’s have a look at the first part. Implementing a judicial process certainly here where using less common words and phrases but also doing so with a good awareness of collocation. This is important for lexical resource. You can find out about this in lection 19 the importance of collocation. And with more efficient we’re immediately presenting a Clear’s central topic and nice topic sentence. So a clear view and argument Express which is essential for coherence and cohesion and you can learn about this in lecture 11 building body paragraphs for example. Once a jury has decided that a particular defendant is guilty of murder the judge need only refer to the punishment for murder to sentence that person to life imprisonment. Have a look at the article here. The Article 3 which is a definite article. This is all about appropriate article usage which is a very common error which is made in SS But we need to make sure that we give these right to address the need for grammatical range and accuracy. And you can learn about articles and how to use them in lecture 22 simple sentences and common errors. The benefit of this is that a huge amount of time would be saved in court thus leading to significant financial savings as a result. More money could be spent on health care education and welfare. So as a result here is a very very useful cohesive device that helps to link the previous sentence with that sentence. A range of cohesive devices must be used to address the requirements for band 7 in coherence and cohesion. You can learn about cohesive devices and referencing in lecture 13 and we have the word could here which is a modal verb and we’re using this modal verb to avoid overgeneralising. And this again helps us to score band 7 and above in task achievement and you can learn about this in lecture 17. How to stop overgeneralising. Let’s move to the second BoyI paragraph. However I would argue that the above system is too rigid and a process of flexible punishments is much fairer. I would argue is being used here so that we can present an opinion in the second body paragraph. And this is appropriate for the question type which is a discussion opinion question and you’ll learn about these in lecture 5 the full. Different question types. The latter punishment system which many countries use leaves more room for compassion towards offenders who have been blackmailed or manipulated. Here we are using what is called a non defining relative clause. And this again helps to add complexity to our sentences further addressing the requirement for complex sentences and grammatical range. You can learn about relative clauses in lecture twenty six. For instance under this system if a thief is able to prove that he had been bullied into committing his crime he should be sentenced to less prison time than a thief who had been motivated by greed. Three bits of language to look at here. First of all for instance we using an example to support and develop a point which is very important for task achievement. You can learn about this in lecture 15. Developing ideas. If a thief here were using a conditional sentence to further improve our skills in grammatical range and accuracy and you can learn about conditional sentences which are very very useful in lecture 25 and finally motivated by greed. Here we’re trying to paraphrase the language in the task which talked about motivation. Paraphrasing by way of different word class so you can learn about paraphrasing and synonyms in lecture 21 which will help us to address the requirements for lexical ressource. Finally if instead fix punishments were implemented this sense of fairness and morality would be lost. You can see another conditional being used there. Let’s look at the conclusion. In conclusion while a legal system of fixed punishments might be more cost effective and efficient a procedure of assessing crimes based on circumstances are motives is more just and justice in my view is paramount. So few bits of language to go through here. Cost effective. This demonstrates our ability to form words accurately and effectively. And you can learn about word formation in lecture 20 which is important for lexical resource. More just more just comma noticed a comma here. That’s what we want to focus on. Punctuation is a very important aspect of grammatical range accuracy. And you can learn about punctuation and how to use it accurately and effectively in lecture 24. Justice in my view is paramount. Again we are very clearly presenting an opinion with the language. In my view this helps us to address the need for a clear position presented throughout the response of requirements of task achievement in band 7. And you can learn about how to do this in lecture 12 quick conclusions. Finally we’ve highlighted the word count here. Two hundred and sixty four. This word count addresses the task requirements for 250 words but doesn’t go far over that. So we know that we will finish in time. So we’re addressing all the task requirements by finishing the essay in Time therefore addressing task achievement and you can learn about how to keep your word count down in lecture 8 time constraints and word counts. I hope you found this model answer helpful in the next lecture. We’re going to look at how to plan the essay which is the first step on the path to creating an answer just like this one. See you there.