1بخش

Brains!

What’s happening now?

Well, the zombie is eating her head, Grandma.

That’s not very nice.

What’s he doing that for?

Because he’s a zombie.

That’s what they do.

He’s going to ruin his dinner.

I’m sure if they just bothered to sit down and talk it through, it would be a different story.

Norman, didn’t I tell you to take out the garbage?

Yeah, coming, Dad.

Tell him to turn up the thermostat, too, will you?

My feet are like ice.

Come on, fit, you stupid.

Hi.

What are you watching in there?

Sex and violence.

Oh, that’s nice.

Can’t you be like other kids your age, and pitch a tent in the yard or have a healthy interest in carpentry?

Perry.

I thought you said kids my age were too busy shoplifting and joyriding.

Norman.

He’s, like, R-I-double-P-E-D.

Like, a seven-pack at least.

Uh-huh.

Ew!

Watch it!

Courtney, be nice.

Whoa!

Yeah, she totally doesn’t deserve him.

I mean, she’s nice and I really like her, but she’s a complete loser.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, uh, Dad?

Grandma says, can you turn up the heating?

Her feet are cold.

Now, Perry.

How many times do we have to go through this, son?

Your grandmother is dead!

I know.

Then why do you keep on talking to her?

Because she talks back.

OMG, you are such a liar.

God, I’m not making this up, I swear!

She talks to me all the time.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

She said, it’s not very ladylike to hide photos of the high-school quarterback with his shirt off in your underwear drawer.

I knew it!

Uh!

You’ve been sneaking around in my personal.

Ugh!

No, I haven’t.

Grandma told me.

You are the worst!

Norman, I know you and Grandma were very close, but we all have to move on.

Grandma’s in a better place now.

No, she’s not.

She’s in the living room.

Your grandmother was old and sick and she died.

That’s all there is to it!

Okay.

Perry, this is just part of the mourning process.

Oh, stop indulging him.

I’m nothing if I’m not liberal, but that limp-wristed hippie garbage needs to be nipped in the bud.

This behavior might be okay with your side of the family, but I’m not putting up with it any more!

Not me!

Not this again.

This isn’t the West Coast, Sandra.

People talk.

They do.

He’s just sensitive, Perry.

Oh, please!

Sensitive is writing poetry and being lousy at team sports.

Not this.

I won’t have him turn out like that uncle of yours.

If that crazy old tramp has been around here, putting ideas in Norman’s head.

Perry, no one has had anything to do with Uncle Prenderghast in years.

I bet he doesn’t even know what Norman looks like.

Not much time.

Not much time.

Good morning!

Hey, Bruce, how’s it going?

Not much.

I’m kind of late for school, I need to go.

Hi!

Nice to see you guys.

Good morning.

Sorry, I got to run.

Oh!

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

See ya!

Hey there, little buddy.

Come on, come here.

Yeah, good to see you.

How you doing?

Hi, Mrs. Hardman.

You look nice today.

I like what you’ve done with your hair.

Does anyone smell burning?

Hey, peace, man.

Totally.

Yeah.

As you were, soldier.

Sir, yes, sir!

Yo, Norman.

You playing hooky?

No, no, I’m just late for school.

Sorry, I got to go.

How you doing?

Hey, how you doing?

Hi.

How’s it hanging?

Haven’t heard that one before.

Well, it’s a nice day.

Watch and learn.

“Parking violation” is my middle name.

Really?

I thought it was Rhona.

Suck it in, sweetie.

No, no, your gut.

There you go.

Hey, hey, ghost jerk, you know what?

What do you want, Alvin?

Why don’t you go see some more ghosts, Goober?

Ooh, ooh, oh.

Hey, hey, Norman.

Talk to that.

That’s so Alvin!

Right?

That was good, right, guys?

That was fun?

Flies don’t talk.

Neil, come on, let’s go.

You stink of illiteracy!

Pilgrims!

The Mayflower!

Don’t any of you know anything about the history of this town?

Puritans were strict and devout settlers, who came here to build a home, a place without sin!

What is it now, Salma?

Why is the witch always a hideous old crone with a pointy hat and a broomstick?

I don’t believe it’s historically accurate, Miss Henscher.

It’s not supposed to be!

It’s supposed to sell postcards and key chains.

So, let’s try it again!

Top of page six, Norman!

“The founding fathers of Blithe Hollow discovered an evil witch amongst them.

No, no, Norman!

With gusto!

Like this.

“They put her on trial and hanged her!

“But the vengeful witch cursed her accusers, seven of them in all, to die a horrible and gruesome death, and rise from their graves as the living dead!

“Their souls!

“Their souls, doomed to an eternity of damnation!

Now, I want you to try that again, but with conviction.

My reputation is at stake, here.

And I won’t have this turn out like that wretched Kabuki debacle of ‘09.

Norman!

Are you listening to me, boy?

Sorry, Mrs. Henscher.

So am I.

Now, unless there’s any other issues, let us resume.

“They put her on trial and hanged her!

Ooh!

This is my moment!

Boom, baby!

Sorry.

Ah!

You useless bunch of.

Norman, wait up!

I keep telling you, Neil.

I like to be alone.

So do I!

Let’s do it together.

You shouldn’t let them get you down.

They always do stuff like that to me.

Why?

Because I’m fat.

And my allergies make my eyes leak.

And I sweat when I walk too fast.

And I have a lunch box with a kitten on it.

Ooh.

And I have irritable bowel syndrome.

I guess there’s a whole bunch of stuff.

Doesn’t it bother you?

No.

You can’t stop bullying.

It’s part of human nature.

If you were bigger and more stupid, you’d probably be a bully, too.

It’s called “survival of the thickest.

Psst!

That statue just “psst” at us.

Do you know who I am?

The weird, stinky old bum who lives up the hill?

I was asking him!

Yeah, uh, I know.

I was told not to talk to you.

Sorry.

And you know why you’re not supposed to talk to me?

I can see ghosts, too!

And I know that’s not all you’ve been seeing lately, is it?

Bad omens?

Things you can’t quite explain.

Strange faces peering through the veil?

And I’ll bet no one told you about the witch’s curse, did they?

Actually, we’re learning about it in school.

Oh, oh!

I’m a tree!

There’s something you really need to know.

This is the most important thing you will ever hear.

The fate of everyone depends on it!

Now, listen close.

The witch’s curse is real!

And you’re the one who has to stop it.

You’ve got to use your gift of talking to the dead.

Because, if you don’t, the witch’s.

Oh, oh.

This is the most important thing of all!

You’ve got to.

You’ve got.

You’ve.

Leave him alone!

Don’t make me throw this hummus.

It’s spicy.

This ain’t done with!

You’ll see it soon enough.

Watch for the sign.

Jeez, what a dirty old creep.

He’s my uncle.

So, is it true?

What?

Can you see ghosts, like, everywhere, all the time?

Uh, yeah.

Awesome!

Ooh, ooh!

Do you think you could see my dog Bub?

He was ran over by an animal rescue van.

Tragic and ironic.

We buried him in the yard.

Could you see him?

Maybe.

Sweet!

Come on!

Neil?

Is that you?

Hey, Mitch.

We’re going to go play with the dead dog in the garden, and we’re not even going to have to dig him up first!

You’re digging what?

What?

What did you say?

Neil, isn’t he that weird kid?

You know, “Look at me, I’m talking to ghosts so people will pay attention to me.

Can you stop doing that?

It’s kind of stupid.

Now, listen to me.

You don’t need to be hanging out with weird people.

Okay?

That’s atip.

Don’t blow this for me, Mitch.

This one’s not weird.

He talks to dead people!