5بخش

Is that Teach?

Mm, pepperoni.

Aah, Dorothea Williams saw me.

What am I gonna do?

She’s gonna think I’m crazy.

Maybe you should call her up

and tell her that we’re not crazy.

I’ve only been a person for an hour,

and even I know that’s a bad idea.

I just gotta get back in my body

and really bring it tonight.

How come this part is stinky

but this part smells fine?

Never mind.

Just put those pants on.

Sheesh, I can’t believe I’ve been

walking around in this city with no pants on.

I don’t even wanna be here, remember?

I don’t want you here either.

I just.

I just wanna get back to my body,

then get back to the club.

What’s the matter with you?

I don’t know.

It’s the sun.

It’s just so.

My phone!

Um.

Okay, your clothes

are rumbling again.

Curley!

No, no.

Hey, Mr G, it’s Curley.

I hope you’re doin’ okay.

Dorothea freaked out when she saw you,

and she called this other guy, Robert.

He’s got the gig now.

I’m sorry.

No, no, no.

Look, honestly,

your class was the only reason

I went to school at all.

Like, I owe you a lot.

So, here’s the plan.

Clean yourself up, put on a killer suit,

and get to the club early.

I’m gonna try and talk to her.

Just make sure you show up

looking like a million bucks, all right?

I hope I see you, man.

All right.

Peace.

I can get the gig back, 22.

I need your help.

I have a suit.

I’m gonna need you to try it on.

No, no, no.

And then I can line my hair up a little bit,

and I can.

Nope.

No way, no how.

22!

Mr Gardner?

It’s Connie.

She’s here for her lesson.

What do I do?

I can hear you!

Just tell her that you can’t do it today.

Hi, Connie.

Sorry, but Joe can’t do it today.

You’re Joe!

I mean, me.

Me can’t do it today.

Good.

Now let’s go

check out that suit.

I came to tell you that I quit.

Quit?

We don’t have time for this.

The suit is in the closet.

Band is a stupid waste of time.

This kid is talking sense.

What are you doing?

Here, I quit.

I think jazz is pointless.

Oh, yeah, jazz is definitely pointless.

In fact, all of school is a waste of time.

Of course.

Like my mentor, George Orwell, used to say,

“State sponsored education is like the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket”.

Yeah!

The ruling class’s core curriculum stifles dissent.

It’s the oldest trick in the book.

What are you talkin’ about?

She doesn’t care about any of that.

I’ve been saying that since the third grade.

You know, you seem really smart.

What is your position on pizza?

Uh, I like it?

Me, too!

What are you doing?

I’d rather hang with Connie.

What?

Come back here!

You open this.

Um, I think your cat wants to get out.

Ugh, he thinks he knows everything.

22!

Don’t you walk away from me.

Come here right now.

I’m gonna go in

and I’mma scratch up the sofa.

Oh, wait a minute, that’s my sofa.

You really got things figured out, Connie.

I’d better give this back.

It belongs to the school.

Sure.

You know, I really am glad

there’s someone else

who sees how ridiculous this place is.

You’re right to quit.

I learned about quitting.

You know what, Mr G?

I was practising this one thing yesterday

and maybe you can listen to it

and tell me to quit after, okay?

Uh, okay.

You really love this.

Yeah.

So, maybe I’d better stick with it?

Yeah.

Bye, Mr G.

See you next week!

22!

So, Connie came here to quit,

but then she didn’t.

22, forget about that.

Listen.

I need to know this, Joe.

Why didn’t she quit?

Because she loves to play.

She might say she hates everything,

but trombone is her thing.

She’s good at it.

Maybe trombone is her spark, I don’t know.

Please.

If I’m gonna get this gig back,

I need your help.

Okay.

Really?

I’ll help you,

but I wanna try a few things.

‘Cause I don’t know,

some of it’s not as boring

as it is at the You Seminar,

and if Connie can find

something she loves here,

maybe I can, too.

Great!

So, what do we do first?

This water hurts!

It’s okay.

You just have to turn the other knob.

Oh, okay, that’s better.

And I wouldn’t be mad

if you put a little lotion

on me when you’re done.

I washed your butt for you.

Spicy!

Spicy!

You five will be insecure.

And you 12 will be self-absorbed.

We really should stop sending so many through that pavilion.

Found him!

See that, everybody?

Who figured out why the count’s off?

That’s right, Terry did.

It’s Terrytime.

Nice work.

Well, who is it?

Right.

Joe Gardner is his name.

Looks like he’s back down on Earth.

That’s not good.

That’s the mentor

we set up with 22.

All right, all right.

Easy on the hysterics.

Terry’s got this under control.

I’ll handle it.

How?

I’ll go down there and get him.

Set the count right, lickety-split.

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Look, you all are the ones who beefed it.

I’m trying to un-beef it.

But you cannot be seen.

By anyone.

Don’t worry.

I’ll make sure no one else sees me.

I’ll move among the shadows, like a ninja.

Please, just do it quickly and quietly.

And also quickly.

And quietly as well.

This won’t be a disaster, that’s for sure.

Trusty old brown suit.

Still a perfect fit.

It’s a little tight in the back-here part.

It’ll loosen.

Sit down.

I’m a cat.

I’ll do it.

You couldn’t call an elevator, remember?

No way.

I just need to line me up.

Now be still.

Uh, it’s like a little tiny chainsaw.

Don’t move.

I’m not moving.

You’re moving.

Oh, no!

Don’t worry, I’m okay.

Oh, no, no, no!

My hair!

My hair is not okay!

This is a disaster!

We gotta fix this Right now.

Okay.

How?

We gotta go see Dez.

Great.

Who’s Dez?

Yo, Ian, man, how you get that big peanut head?

What happened to you?

Man, shut up, man.

You know I’m sensitive about that.

Dez is the guy in the back.

He can fix this.

Talk about havin’ a spark.

This guy was born to be a barber.

But I can’t pass for you in front of all your friends.

Dez is the only one that I talk to.

We usually talk about jazz,

but this time, just sit there,

get the cut, and get out.

Hey, Joe.

What are you doing here on a weekday?

You didn’t call for an appointment, man.

It’s gonna be a while.

Ah, I was afraid of this.

Go ahead and sit down.

Oh, my Lord.

You gotta wait, son.

This is an emergency.

What?

That ain’t cool, Dez.

You could always let Harold cut your hair.

His chair’s wide open.

Nah.

I can wait.

Joe, get your butt in this chair now.

Should I even ask you how this happened?

The cat did it.

Stop sounding insane.

I mean, um, I was distracted

getting ready to play with

Dorothea Williams tonight.

Dorothea Williams?

That’s big time, Joe.

Congratulations!

Joe ain’t getting no gig, Dez.

You know he Mr Close-But-No-Cigar.

This guy.

Joe, ignore him.

Now let’s fix you up.

You keeping that cat on your lap?

Is it okay that I do that?

Suit yourself.

You’re the boss.

I am?

When you’re in this chair,

yeah, you are.

So can I have one of those?

Sure, Joe.

Cool.

I like being in the chair.

Hey, get your head in the game.

Little chainsaw.

You need to settle down.

If you keep this.

Look, I can deal with some freaky stuff,

but if this cat don’t chill,

we’re gonna have to put it outside.

Well, what’s it gonna be, kitty?

Meow.

Sometimes, change is good.

You have been rocking that same style for a while.

Well, Dez, for hundreds of years,

I’ve had no style at all.

You can say that again.

But then my life changed.

Oh, yeah?

What happened?

I was existing as a theoretical construct

in a hypothetical way station

between life and death.

I heard that.

And by the time I got to mentor number 266,

I was seriously asking, like, what is all the fuss about?

Like, is all this living really worth dying for?

You know what I mean?

I never knew you had such an interesting education, Joe.

I just thought you went to music school.

And another thing,

they say you’re born to do something,

but how do you figure out

what that thing is?

I mean, what if you pick up

the wrong thing?

Or somebody else’s thing, you know?

Then you’re stuck.

Been there before.

I’ll take one of those.

I wouldn’t call myself stuck,

but I never planned on

cuttin’ heads for a livin’.

Wait, but you were born to be a barber,

weren’t you?

I wanted to be a veterinarian.

So, why didn’t you do that?

I was plannin’ to

when I got out of the Navy.

Then my daughter got sick,

and barber school

is a lot cheape than veterinarian school.

Well, that’s too bad.

You’re stuck as a barber

and now you’re unhappy.

Whoa, whoa, slow your roll there, Joe.

I’m happy as a clam, my man.

Not everyone can be Charles Drew

inventing blood transfusions.

Or me, playing piano

with Dorothea Williams.

I know.

You are not all that.

Anyone could play in a band if they wanted to.

Don’t pay Paul any mind.

People like him just bring other people down

so they can make themselves feel better.

Oh, I get it.

He’s just criticising me to cover up

the pain of his own failed dreams.

You cut deep, Joe.

I wonder why sitting in this chair

makes me want to tell you things, Dez.

That’s the magic of the chair.

That’s why I love this job.

I get to meet interesting folks like you,

make them happy, and make them handsome.

Am I crazy or do I look younger?

I may not have invented blood transfusions,

but I am most definitely savin’ lives.

I don’t know about this crazy cat guy thing, man,

but it is nice to finally talk to you

about something other than jazz, Joe.

How come we, um, never talked about your life before?

You never asked.

But I’m glad you did this time.

Looking good, brother.

Have a great show.

I grabbed a couple of road lollies.