درس 03

I’m 45 now, So I’m either halfway through a healthy life or almost done with a not-so-healthy life.

I don’t know which one.

I won’t know till it’s over where this was.

I don’t know how long I’m gonna live.

I don’t know.

Nobody knows, I guess.

I think human life expectancy is pretty good.

We get a good run, you know?

Some people die early, you know?

If I die now, people will be like, “oh, that’s too bad”.

If I die five years from now, they’ll be like, “well, all right,”

like it’s not even It’s–

Like, as soon as you’re 50, you’re a candidate.

You know, there’s no candlelight vigils For 50-year-old guys that die, And you start pushing You know, some people get to be like, 80s, 90s.

You know, there are people that get to, like, 114, And then they’re in the news, and it’s always some old guy, “I met napoleon”.

No, you didn’t, you liar, You oldest liar in the world.

But 45, you know, you’re not old yet, But you start having moments Where you kind of start getting what old is, especially if you didn’t take care of yourself, you know?

At my age, if I’m sitting down and somebody tells me I need to get up and go to another room, I need to be told all the information why first.

You gotta explain all that sh@t to me.

“what? Why do I– no. Why, though?”

“your car is being towed right now!”

“well, that’s what happens to me, then. That’s, I accept that”.

‘cause getting up is a whole thing. It means first, I have to decide “do I really want to be alive anymore?”

Like, let’s start with that, And then I gotta, “ugh!” start kind of rocking to get momentum, “ugh!” like I’m trying to get an old honda out of a snow bank.

“shit”.

The worst part of my day, worst part of every day of my life, is when I have to put on my socks.

Putting on my socks is the worst part of every day, and it always will be.

Even if I have a terrible day in the future where my grandmother is murdered by my other grandmother, If that ever happened to me, the worst part of that day Will be when I put on my socks because–

Putting on my socks, that means I have to here’s what I have to do.

I have to get my hands past my pointed toe.

I don’t even know how I do it.

I’m sitting here.

I don’t know how I do that.

It’s ‘cause you have to it’s like folding a bowling ball in half.

Soon as I start, I can feel I’m pushing all the fat up into my vital organs, And I just feel all the systems failing.

“beep, beep, beep!”

And I have to, like, lay on my back like an eight-year-old And go like this, and I start passing out.

Uhh!

And I know other people’s lives are hard.

Ha ha ha!

I know.

I saw an interview on tv with Michael j Fox, And he has parkinson’s, and he was describing Brushing his teeth, and he said It takes him two hours a day, and he said it’s agony, And I saw this and I thought, “ok, That’s hard”.

That is hard, And so is putting on my socks.

Sorry, Michael.

Doesn’t make it easier to know about your thing.

Tell you what.

I’ll help you brush your teeth, you help me with the socks.

I don’t know.

I like getting older, though.

Life is an education, and if you’re older, you’re smarter.

I just believe that.

If you’re in an argument with somebody and they’re older than you, you should listen to them.

It doesn’t mean they’re right.

It means that even if they’re wrong, Their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.

They’ve been there longer.

If you’re older, you’re smarter.

How many people here, by applause, are 45 or older? 45 or older, applaud.

Ok.

That’s about 60 people out of 2,400.

Here’s the interesting thing.

There’s way more. I can see you.

There’s so many more.

This is Arizona.

There are way more people in that demographic, But they didn’t clap.

Why? ‘cause they’re smart.

They’re sitting in the dark going, “I don’t have to clap.

I don’t have to do anything”.

They’re not doing it, and they’re right.

You know why?

‘cause never identify yourself.

Never. Are you crazy?

You don’t know why I’m asking.

How do you know what

Ok. Burn them all.

Burn everybody over 45.

How do you know I’m not gonna do that?

How many people here, by applause, are 40 or younger?

40 or younger, applaud.

That’s every time.

“whoo! Whoo!”

Every time.

That is a weird thing to celebrate

In a room where you’re not the only people here.

That’s like going to a cancer ward–

“not me! Whoo!

I don’t have it!

I don’t have it!”

If you’re older, you’re smarter.

A 55-year-old garbage man is a million times smarter Than a 28-year-old with three ph.D.S,

Especially smarter than him, ‘cause this idiot Has been thinking about three things for, like, 15 years.

He’s worthless.

The garbage man is 55.

He’s had some experience.

Things have happened to him.

He went to cape cod one summer.

He saw a dead guy floating in the motel pool.

He took a bus to Montreal.