بخش 01

Travis.

Travis!

What?

You just ruined my game, Whitney.

Travis, mom’s looking for you.

I’ll be right there, mom.

Are you even packed?

Are you even human?

What other species could I be?

Travis, what are you doing?

Where’s your bag?

Grandpa’s ready to go.

Hello there, kids.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Hello?

Yeah, one sec.

Hold on.

Mom, do I have time to run over to Rick’s house?

No.

It’s time to go.

Here’s your bag.

No, I can’t.

Me and Whitney are leaving for my grandparents’ farm.

Yeah believe me, I do not want to go.

My parents want us to rediscover nature, or whatever.

Hey!

Bye Rick.

He’ll see you in a few weeks.

Travis, remember our agreement, no cell phones, no video games.

Oh, so in other words, no fun.

I won’t survive more than a day.

You know that, right?

Why wouldn’t you survive?

You’ll have food, water, and shelter, all the essentials

for survival.

Mom.

Whitney honey, why don’t you take your things down to the truck?

I don’t want to go this year.

Why can’t Whitney just go by herself?

Because I said so.

Let’s go.

I’m not going.

I think I’m big enough to make my own decisions.

Hee.

It’s only for a few weeks, Travis.

You’ll live.

Come here, give me a hug.

Okey-dokey, kids, you ready to roll?

Pop, you drive carefully, ok?

It’s not a race.

Eh, keep up a good pace?

Well, I’ll do my best.

And we’re off.

Don’t forget to take a bath and brush your teeth.

Blah, blah and be nice to your sister.

Bye.

Have fun.

Be good.

There’s one from north Dakota.

Now I only need Indiana, Kansas, Missouri, and Ohio and I’ll have the complete Midwest.

And how many states do you have, Travis?

You are such a grump.

Grumpy mcgrumpster, grumpy mcgrumpsteen, grumpy mcgrumpacuddy, grumpy mcgrumperpants, grumpy mcgrumpcake.

Please, be quiet, whitless.

Which carries a scar.

You just proved my point.

Please tell me we’re there.

what?

Bears don’t wear hats.

No, grandpa.

Are we there yet?

Eh, almost.

Ooh, look, there’s Paul bunyan.

Well, we’re halfway home.

He sure is big.

It’s just another statue, whitless.

I didn’t think he was real.

We read all about him in school.

He was the world’s greatest lumberjack.

A folk hero of the American frontier.

Hey now, just because there are folk tales about a man doesn’t mean at one time he didn’t really exist.

How do you two think legends get started, anyways?

You know, as much as i like visiting the big city, it sure is nice to come home to some familiar faces.

Hey, how are ya?

Hey!

You know, delbert hasn’t changed a lick since your grandma and I were kids.

Ooh, which reminds me, we have to pick her up before we head to the farm.

Pick her up?

Oh, there she is.

If I see one more broken down farm truck,

I swear I’m going to break something.

I mean what a friggin’ cliche.

Just look at that one.

Old Freddy farmer out there picking up his pain-in-the-neck blue-haired wife.

Iris, what the heck are you doing?

Excuse me, sir.

You told me to notify you when your commercial is on.

What?

Want to make the perfect deal?

Then call blandsford development, where perfection is the norm.

What could you possibly be writing?

Some notes, sir.

I think the graphics could use some work.

And you were a little stiff in that take.

Did I ask you to take notes?

I didn’t hire you for your opinions, Iris.

You better watch it, or your first week will be your last.

My first week of what, sir?

Of working here, Iris.

Get it together.

Now how many deeds did you get today?

Oh, one family accepted your offer, sir, out of the 20

I called today.

I’ve color-coded the file, orange for oleson family, since oleson starts with “o” and so does the word one property?

One property?

A measly one property?

What is wrong with these people?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them, sir.

I found that the majority just don’t want to sell their farms and businesses.

They really like living in delbert.

What is there to like, Iris?

Answer me that.

Delbert county is a pathetic Hicksville filled

with backwards nincompoops.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I’m gonna need to call Bob.

Bob?

Blackstone.

Oh, blackstone, right, of course.

Sir, one question, who is blackstone?

I am the great and mysterious blackstone.

Now, look into my hand.

Yes, the lights.

When I, the amazing blackstone, snap my fingers, you will follow my every word, perform every deed I command.

Mhm.

You are now, a chicken.

Monkey.

Rock star.

Sleep.

Eee-oop.

When you awake, you’ll remember nothing.

Zob-key-boz.

Ahh, haha.

Unappreciative neanderthals.

Don’t they recognize brilliance when they see it?

How many more weeks are we booked in this so-called venue?

They didn’t renew our contract, boss.

Hello, Mr. blackstone, I’m calling from norm blandsford’s office.

And your point is?

H-he’d like to see you, sir.

He said he’d make it worth your while.

How much worth my while?

Oh.