بخش 03

Yes, what do you want, a cookie

You did all right, man

Move on already

Yeah

Vampire Vampire

A human

Who are you And how did you find this place

l’m Jonathan

And l was just mountain climbing with some dudes

and heard this story about a spooky forest

And who’s not going to go into a spooky forest, right

So, then I see these goofy-looking dudes on fire

And l just kind of followed them to this, like, amazing castle

But, of course, be smart

No bonfires, no firework shows

How many of you are there Just me

l like to hit it alone

You meet so many awesome people in the youth hostels

Hey, speaking of awesome, that cape thing is killing it

ls there, like, a costume party here

What have l done

This is all my fault

You have to leave

Oh, no Excuse me

One of your piranhas in the lake is very rude

He ate my sister-in-law

Be right with you

Mr Dracula, we asked for a room with a view of the pool

The room’s fine We want to book a massage

Yes, Swedish Shiatsu

Aromatherapy Lower back

Do you have hot-stone We want a massage

l’ll get back to you, Mr Hydraberg l hope so

l doubt it See that you do

That’s Ms Hydraberg Thanks

Yes, nice to see you Dude, seriously, what’s up

lt’s kind of funky to breathe under here

Drac Hey, Drac How’d it go with Mavey

Hey Where’d you go

Wow

This room’s kind of small for a big castle

No bed, but check out these awesome dustpans they give you

Quiet, you fool

What weapons are you keeping in this container

Your pitchforks

l can’t breathe

lt’s killing me

Yeah, definitely due for a fluff and fold

What is this

A torture device

A secret mind controller

You won’t read my thoughts

l won’t let you

Dude, it’s just music

Here, try it

lt’s taking my soul

What lt’s a good jam

Don’t be a grandpa

You need to go

No human has ever entered this castle

And if someone should see you, the safety of the hotel, the sanctuary, no one would ever come again

Yeah, go for it

“Ever come again”

l love your Dracula voice lt’s so over the top

And Mavis, if she saw you, she would know that l lied No

Who’s Mavis

ls this her room

l’m good with a roommate

l had six brothers growing up, so l could totally share

l can’t kill him

lt would set monsters back hundreds of years

One time, in Hamburg, l roomed with this dude who l caught stealing my shampoo

l said, “Whoa, man,” and he threw a flower pot at me, but he was cool

What are you babbling about

What Whoa

Check out these awesome costumes

Costumes

What’s this Sorry, man l just can’t be without my backpack

You know, everything l own’s in there lt’ll be right here

Okay, l just l love my backpack

Whoa Hey, what are you doing

What are you What are you doing to my hair

Stop Oh, wait, that tickles

Come on, man

Check it out l’m a Franken-homie

Yes, hello Look at me

This is totally normal, not a problem here This is just a monster with me

Man, everybody stepped it up tonight

Wait, why are we going to the front door Are we leaving

Bonjour, Dracula

Hey, Sniffy What’s going on

Not right now, Quasimodo

What

No Don’t be absurd

lt’s not a human, but Monsieur Dracula

How ridiculous lt’s me

The devilled lizard fingers Devilled lizard fingers

l asked for spleens-in-blankets

You ugly fool l told you, he doesn’t like the lizard fingers But you said

Whoa Check that costume out

Wow Seriously, l just have to ask you: How are you pulling this off

l mean, it looks so real

Like, l could just put my hand right through

What do you think you’re doing

She’s real

You’re real

Yeah, and l’ll give you a real beating Keep your hands out of my wife

Oh, no

Honey, l just didn’t know where you were

We thought you were still out

Oh, no l don’t know why l ever wanted to leave

The humans are so boring

Mavis, honey, are you all right

Yeah, l think so

That was weird

My head hurts

Who is that Who is what

Oh, that

That is nobody

Seriously, Dad “Dad”

Yeah, l know, Dracula’s daughter Everyone freaks out at first

Dracula

Okay, we got to go

Please don’t kill me l’m so young

l have so many places l want to see

l’ve got tickets to six Dave Matthews Band concerts

l’m getting out of here

Shut up already

lt’s impossible for me to think with all your noise

Sorry, Glen Go back to sleep

Wait Aren’t you going to suck my blood Classic human paranoia

Human blood is so fatty, and you never know where it’s been

So, Dracula doesn’t drink blood

No, l use a blood substitute

Either Near Blood or Blood Beaters You can’t tell the difference

So, wow, you’re, like, the real Count Dracula

Like, “l’m Dracula Bleh, bleh-bleh”

l’ve never said that in my life “Bleh, bleh-bleh”

l don’t know where that comes from

Can l just ask, what exactly is this place

What is this place

lt’s a place l built for all those monsters out there, lurking in the shadows, hiding from the persecution of humankind

A place for them and their families to come to and be themselves

A place void of torches, pitchforks, angry mobs

A place of peace, relaxation and tranquility

Cool So, it’s like a hotel for monsters

Yes, exactly “A hotel for monsters” Way to sum it up

Okay, hop on my back

We’re leaving

Oh, man, you’re a bat now

l always wanted to fly

What’s it like

This is insane

Wait

Wait, l want to stay

Can Frankenstein sign my costume Can l meet the lnvisible Man

Hey, if l stuck my hand in the lnvisible Man’s mouth, would it disappear

Hi

Mavey What are you doing, my sweet little blood orange

Our friend was just leaving

Yeah, he was flying me out the window

This guy, he’s so funny

Look, you have something on your face

Play along if you ever want to see your precious backpack

Whoa So, wait, you didn’t have any clothes on when you were a bat

Or were they bat-sized

Who exactly is that

Honeybat

You see, it’s your birthday

And you know l want you to have the bestest, specialest party of your life

So, well, l needed some help

You needed help

Well, look, l am very good, but l thought it would be even more bestest, specialest if someone closer to your age helped plan the party

You’re my age Sure

Well, how old are you

1 1 8

One hundred and

Yeah, l’m 1 21

Really

You see Everything is very, very normal

l’m throwing a party, and he’s helping

Sir, there’s an emergency Not now

Can’t you see we’re in the middle of something very normal here

Wait, what’s going on here

There’s an emergency in your precious hotel, and you’re not running to fix it

Why ls it because of him

Whoa, look at my face

No, precious bones, it’s not because of him

Good Then go check on the emergency, and l’ll keep him company

No Anything but that What

l mean, because he needs time to plan

And if you’re keeping him company, then he’s not planning

He is company-keeping, and then the plan, it’s lt doesn’t get planned

Good one Shut up

Okay So, maybe if you’re not planning later, we can hang out

Sounds good Yes You hear that

lt sounds good

So you will hang out See you later, my honey Lovely

Okay, you’re not hanging out

Because you are leaving

But the opposite, you said

But, sir, the emergency

Follow me