8بخش

Sirs, you are hereby called to witness the anointing

of your one true lord and future king, Pascal.

Pascal, are you willing to take the oath?

I am willing.

Then be thou anointed with this holy oil.

And do you, the chosen bishops of England, Scotland and Wales,

assent to this anointing?

For Scotland, I do.

For Wales, I do.

For England, I do not!

English!

That man must not be crowned King

because he is a fraudster, a charlatan and a thief.

No, please, Let him speak.

It is this man, Pascal Sauvage,

who stole the Crown Jewels,

Who forced the Queen to abdicate

and would kill anyone who got in his way.

It is the end, Herr English.

He has cheated, conned and manipulated

this great country for his own ends.

He’s fooled you all!

What’s more, this whole ceremony is a sham

because that man standing in front of you

is not the Archbishop of Canterbury.

English, a word of advice, Don’t go there.

Shut it, Frenchy, I’ll go wherever I damn well please.

Now, take it off - What?

Your face is made of plastic.

Remove it at once.

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Right, Well, I’ll just have to remove it myself.

Come on!

Maybe it pulls up from the front.

Come on, will you!

Thank you very much.

Must be adjoined here somewhere.

Fascinating performance as always, Mr English,

but I’m afraid we must move on.

Nobody’s moving anywhere until I’m finished with this piece of low-life.

Do you or do you not

have tattooed on your bottom the words,

“Jesus is coming, Look busy”?

Are you insane?

Well, let’s find out, shall we?

Go on, over, Go on, let’s have a look.

Excellent!

All right, so I was wrong about the Archbishop’s bottom.

But there’s more - But not, I’m afraid, today.

Sergeant, please take this man away.

But be gentle with him - Do you think that’s it?

What, do you think I don’t have more evidence?

My loyal subordinate is standing by with a DVD

which shows Sauvage’s hideous plans for this country.

Get him out, Get him out of here!

Play it, Bough, Play the disc, - Play it, Now!

Well, shall we?

Then, as Solomon was anointed King

by Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet,

so be thou anointed and consecrated King

over all the peoples

whom the Lord thy God

hath given thee to govern.

And of all your possessions, wherever they may be.

And so, in the name of the Father

and of the Son

and of the Holy Ghost,

I crown you.

Damn it!

Give it back - No!

That is my crown - Never!

Give it back - Never in a million years, Sauvage!

Give it back!

Shut up!

All this stupid little country have to do is stand in line

and do what it’s told for one miserable day!

But can it do that?

My fragrant French ass, it can!

Give it, The crown, The crown, Go!

And so, in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost,

I crown you.

King.

What?

Arrest that man

and lock him away.

Words can hardly express just how much we appreciate everything you’ve done.

Nothing more than my duty, ma’am.

And in return, is there anything that your Queen and country can do for you?

Well,

since one is asking, ma’am.

The headlines again, In celebration of her return to the throne,

the Queen has declared August 5 a national holiday

and in a private ceremony, has conferred a knighthood on the unnamed Ml7 agent

responsible for foiling the plot of the French businessman Pascal Sauvage.

Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial for high treason,

a crime which still carries the death penalty.

If found guilty, he’s asked that his brain be donated to medical science

to further research into the causes of hypermanic schizophrenia.

Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent has left the country and has already embarked on his next challenging mission.

Sir Johnny English.

Her Majesty did seem very grateful.

She’s not the only one.