7بخش

Dear Max, our wedding day was everything that I’ve ever dreamt, making up for the terrible year I’ve had.

Although all the guests were Damian’s family and friends, I felt very welcome.

Damian is so perfect.

He even made my wedding dress.

And for our honeymoon, he took me to Mykonos, his favorite island in Greece.

I got to ride a donkey and found the perfect gift for Len.

Poor Len.

He’s still struggling with his agoraphobia.

Damian and I are so similar.

He even has his own pen-friend who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand.

At university, she shone and took it upon herself to cure the world of mental illness.

She did her thesis on Asperger’s syndrome and used Max as her case study.

Her professors were thoroughly impressed and her writing praised far and wide.

Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight, and by her 25th birthday, thousands of copies were ready to be shipped.

Dear Max,

I am very proud to give you the very first copy of my book about your disability and the hopes that we have to one day cure it.

Even more exciting is that I’m finally coming to meet and celebrate with you in one week’s time.

I’m also gonna give you half the royalties.

Your loving friend, Mary.

P.S.please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds.

Max didn’t take the news very well.

Not very well at all.

Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,

I cannot express myself very clearly at this moment, and so I will list my emotions in the order they feel most intense: hurt, confuzzledness, betrayal, discomfort, distress, and wheeziness.

This last one is not really an emotion, but I thought you should know about it anyway.

With her suitcase packed for New York, Mary said good-bye to Damian.

She hadn’t been this excited since she’d found a Noblet in the gutter.

But her excitement suddenly dribbled away like a chocolate in the sun.

Mary slowly sank into a puddle of depression,

self-loathing, and cooking sherry.

The only color left in her life was her beloved Damian,

only an arm’s length away but as distant as the moon.

She lost interest in the world, and it lost interest in her

as a horrible apparition began to haunt

She started to spend her nights making pompoms

and eating two-minute noodles.