بخش 03

Dad? Why are you guys dancing?

Uh, he was sleepdancing.

Come on, sweetie.

Back to bed.

Back to bed? It’s already after 8:00 p.m.

Don’t you remember the new sleep schedule?

He’s going to human classes half the day.

Uh.

If he could just sleep till 2:00 A.M. tonight, it’d be so great for him.

But, honeydeath, six of Waynes wolf pups are having a birthday party tonight.

You wouldn’t want him to miss that.

Dad, I love the wolf pups, but they’re a little too rough for Dennis.

Too rough?

Haven’t you noticed?

Dennis is different.

What are you saying?

Denisovich shouldn’t be around monsters?

I love monsters!

Video! Video! Ha!

Oh, you wanna show Papa Drac your monster video?

Yeah!

Who’s the coolest monster?

Kakie!

Kakie one happy monster!

Kakie love cake! Yummy!

Tummy get a tummyache.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

How is that a monster?

Have some cake, Wuzzlelumplebum.

Remember, kids, a real monster always shares.

Shares? Yes! When I think monsters, I think shares.

Now, let me tell you what a real monster is, Denisovich.

Dad, please. He’s practically five already.

Don’t force it.

Slow down, Wuzzlelumplebum.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder

Mommy, I’m too old for lullabies.

What?

That’s not how that one goes.

This is the way most people sing it.

Most people?

What’s wrong with.

Suffer, suffer, scream in pain

Blood is spilling from your brain

Daddy. Come on. You know how I sang it to you.

Zombies gnaw you

like a plum, Piercing cries and you succumb

Suffer, suffer, scream in pain

You will never breathe again

Still works.

Oh.

Happy birthday, Wally, Wilson,

Whoopi, Waylon, Weepy and Wanye.

Denisovich! My big boy! You made it!

I thought about what you said, Dad.

Maybe I was being a little overprotective.

Thank you, coffin cake.

Dennis! I love you! Zing!

Hi, Winnie.

I just love your yummy strawberry locks!

Zing, zing!

Winnie. Give him his space, hon.

I’m sorry, Mavis.

It’s okay, Aunt Wanda.

They’re just playing.

Holy rabies! Limbo?

I used to love that game!

Get in there, Mavey.

Really? But I’m a parent now.

Show ‘em how its done.

Okay. Okay, okay.

No way! A pinata?

Oh, Mavis, honey.

That’s for later.

Whoo!

We don’t want the pups to have too much candy! Sugar.

I’m sorry.

Did I start all that?

Don’t worry. There’s a reason they call it a litter.

Dennis! Are you okay?

I got a candy.

Look! Your tooth came out.

Are you kidding me?

He got his tooth knocked out?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Here comes the fang.

Dad. His baby tooth wasn’t a fang.

Why would this one be?

He’s not a monster.

Ooh!

The suns gonna come out soon, and we gotta get to his classes.

What’s wrong with the classes we have here?

Like the kids yoga?

Yoga!

This is Denisovichs home.

I don’t know, Dad.

What don’t you know?

Well, we’ve been talking about moving.

Somewhere safer for Dennis.

Maybe where Johnny grew up in California.

I’m sorry, but you cant just make somebody something they’re not.

Come on, honey.

We have to go.

Zing, zing?

Mavey, wait.

You can’t mean that.

You’re in on this? The leaving?

Uh.

It’s not definite at all.

It’s just something she’s definitely talking about,

but until we do it, it’s not definitized.

Did he just cover me with birdseed?

Yeah, he covered me.

Dad, it’s not a fang.

Dad, I don’t know, if it’s the right place for Dennis.

Right, Johnny?

Oh, hey, dude man.

It’s not me. It’s Mavey.

Hey, dude man.

I’m afraid to say anything.

Hey, dude man. I’m a dude man!

Uh, Drac? Who you talking to?

Do not disturb.

The counts wiggin out in here. What are you wiggin out about, Drac?

The kids. Mavey Wavey’s saying she wants to leave.

She wants to leave? What about Johnny?

He doesn’t wanna go.

He’s making the hotel more humany for Dennis.

You know, seeing that he isn’t a monster.

He is a monster!

He’s just a late fanger.

And I could be a hand model.

Shut up!

It’s all that humany stuff that’s confusing poor Denisovich.

So maybe you gotta get the kid around more monstery things. Ooh!

Oh, I need a cape.

I can’t. Shes always around, checking up on me.

Man, if you could just get some alone time.

Wait a minute.

Thats what Johnny wants, too.

Alone time with Mavis.

Have they even had a vacation since before they were married?

They’re going to now. And so are we.

Frank, you’re a genius.

Mmmhmm.

We’ll take Denisovich to all our old haunts.

Each of us will show him our skills.

Teach him how to be a monster.

And he’ll be fanging it up in no time.

Boy turns five next week.

If he’s not a vampire by his birthday, it ain’t happenin.

Oh, it ain’t, ain’t happening, baby.

All he needs is time with his vampa.

Vampa?

Vampire grandpa.

Come on, man.

That’s obvious.

Johnny. Come outside.

What? Who is it?

Its your fatherinlaw.

I need to talk to you.

Whats up?

Let me get rid of them. Sorry.

No problemo. I was kinda diggin the attention.

Can they stay?

I don’t think they’re ready to leave yet.

Come on.

Go to your mother.

Look, you want to stay here, right?

Of course.

This is the first place where I can really be myself.

I haven’t felt this alive, since they invented stuffedcrust pizza.

Well, then, weve got some work to do.

Okay, so heres the plan.

Maybe its a good idea to take her to your hometown.

But remember.