بخش 04

So, it’s sliced avocado, rolled oats with apricot, the Aveeno moisturizer after every bath.

And then the shea butter on his tush before his PJs and then 20 minutes with the nebulizer while I read his Learning Factory Phonics book to him.

It’s asking a lot, Dad. We could just take Dennis with us.

What? Are you kidding me? And get him off his routine?

No, no, no.

You kids go to California, and see if it’s the right place to raise Denisovich.

And you remember how to video chat?

Yes, yes. With the phone and the buttons and the agony.

Thanks for being so understanding, Dad. I know you’ll keep him safe.

Of course, Mavey. Stake my heart and hope to die.

I’m just gonna miss him so much.

I love you, Dennis.

I love you, Mommy.

I’ll tell him Mavey Wavey stories every night before bed.

You’re the best. I love you, Dad.

Gonna miss all you guys. You’re all my family.

Love you, Drac.

Yes. I love you, too.

Now, remember the plan. Just keep her distracted and happy.

But not too happy, capisce? Got it.

Operation Just Keep Her Distracted and Happy,

But Not Too Happy, Capisce, starts now. Cool?

Smiling on the outside.

Will you hug my backpack?

No.

Back to bed.

Ah, yes, we’ll get to the bed. We all love the bed.

But we’re just gonna do one thing first.

Is it shorts weather where were going?

Jeez. I hope not. My body isn’t swimsuitready yet.

Whatever. Where’s Griffin?

Hey, can I have a second? I’m just saying goodbye to Emily.

Oh, brother.

I’m gonna miss you so much.

You know, you have to be strong, honey.

Because what we have is unbreakable.

Babe, don’t cry. Everyones looking.

Okay, I gotta call him on this.

Just let him play it out, get it over with.

Okay, you two lovebirds. Drink your champagne and let’s get going.

Oh, yeah. No, sure. Okay.

Cheers, babe.

You klutz.

We can’t say nothing about this?

No. We don’t have time for zingers.

How do you click in the stupid car seat?

You gotta cut those nails, man.

We just strap our kids down with duct tape.

What’s he doing here?

I told him he could come. He’s never been outside the hotel.

Blobby, there’s no room. Sorry, man.

Yeah, that ain’t happenin.

Fine, put him on the Rascal. Let’s just get going.

Where are we going, Papa Drac?

Oh, Denisovich, we’re going to have an adventure.

A monstery adventure.

Yay! Monsters! We’re gonna eat cake.

What did he say?

No. No cake on this monster trip.

No cake, cebause Kakie says, Too much cake makes tummy ache.

Yay!

A monster always shares.

We may need more than a week.

Hey, you know who could fix the kid in a snap? Vlad.

What? We don’t need to call Vlad. We got this.

You see, Denisovich, monsters are nice, just like you.

But when the moon comes out, the real monster fun begins.

Being scary. Right, guys?

Guys? Guys! What is wrong with you?

Come on. Everybody likes that song.

We’re not everybody. We’re scary monsters. Remember?

Hey, what are you putting in?

It’s an audio book.

Bigfoots life story. He reads it himself.

Chapter One.

This is gonna be so amazing.

Oh, yeah. You’re gonna be so happy, but not too happy.

Huh? What?

I wanna see everything you did growing up.

As long as you’re distracted, capisce?

We can hit a few spots on the way to my parents.

Lemme just quickly call home.

Don’t do that.

It’s only 100 A.M. there. Dennis isn’t even up yet.

Right. I’m just not used to being away from him.

Everything’s gonna be cool. Your dad was so all over it.

I know. He’s the best.

Right turn, here.

Denisovich, rise and shine.

Boys, this bringing back any memories?

We used to prowl around here when we were in our 100s.

The Dark Forest of Slobozia.

Nice how they built it up.

Okay, out of the car.

Denisovich, you’re going to see every monster do his specialty.

First, Franks gonna show us how he scares people.

Yay! He’s gonna say, Boo.

Yeah, I don’t think boos ever work.

But that’s why were here. To learn from the master.

Okay, I’ll give it a shot.

Yeah, guess it just depends on work.

Frankenstein!

Hey, how ya doin?

You’re awesome! Can we take a picture? Is that okay?

Sure, okay. Little selfie action.

For real?

Awesome! Thank you so much.

Hey, have a great day.

Boo!

He’s adorable. He’s adorable.

Adorable, yes.

Not scary, but boo is a start.

My birthday cakes gonna have the coolest guy on it.

Let me guess. Kakie.

No. He’s so cool. He climbs walls and wears a cape.

Oh, really. And who is this very cool guy?

Batman!

Batman. Great.

You don’t know anyone else with a cape that’s cool?

This is good. Stop here.

Okay, Wayne. It’s your turn. Go kill something.

Denisovich, watch this.

What?

I told you, come on.

If we don’t inspire Denisovich, how’s he going to find his inner monster?

Who’s in a monster?

Nobody, just.

Here, have an avocado.

Yay!

Your mommy says it’s a good fat.

Whatever the heaven that means.

Listen, I’m not gonna set monsters back again just to make your grandkid like vampires.

Anyway, there’s nothing to kill here. It’s all been.