بخش 03

Hello, Hoyt.

Gary said you wanted to see me.

How’s the comedy career? Are you a famous standup yet?

Not quite.

Just been working on my material.

No, don’t sit.

This’ll be quick.

Look, I like you, Arthur.

You know, a lot of the guys, they think you’re a freak, but I like you.

I don’t even know why I like you.

But I got another complaint.

It’s starting to piss me off.

Kenny’s Music.

The guy said you disappeared.

Never even returned his sign.

Because I got jumped.

Didn’t you hear?

For a sign?

That’s bullshit.

It doesn’t even make sense.

Just get him his sign back.

He’s going out of business, for God’s sake, Arthur.

Why would I keep his sign?

How the fuck do I know? Why does anybody do anything?

If you don’t return the sign,

I gotta take it out of your paycheck.

Are we clear?

Listen, I’m trying to help you.

Okay? And I’ll tell you something else.

The other guys, they don’t feel comfortable around you, Arthur,

because people think you’re weird.

Okay? And I can’t have that around me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

Thank you.

This building is so awful, isn’t it?

This building is so awful, right, Mommy?

Yes, we can hear you, GiGi.

It’s so awful, Mommy.

Right, Mommy?

Good night.

GiGi This building’s so awful, isn’t it?

Hey.

Come on.

Hey, what’s your name?

Arthur.

Hey, Arthur, you’re a really good dancer.

I know.

You know who’s not? Him.

What was that?

That noise! Did you hear that noise?

I’m watching an old war movie!

Turn it down!

Sorry, Mom.

You good?

It’s nice to see these couples out at my show.

I have a wife.

We love to roleplay.

Yes, yes, very sexy.

My favorite one right now is professor and senior who really needs to pass my class to graduate.

Yes.

So, I’ll tell you how I operate.

I’m a professor at a prestigious New England university.

And my wife is a senior in my Intro To Western Civ.

I know. I know.

Why is she a senior in the intro? I didn’t buy it either.

So, she comes to me during my office hours.

It’s Monday and Wednesday, three to five.

She says, Excuse me, Professor Lewis.

I can’t use my real last name at this college

‘cause they don’t hire Jews.

It’s something I’ll address once I have tenure, but for now.

She says, Excuse me, Professor Lewis,

I think I might be in danger of failing your ‘Intro to Western Civ, ‘

and I just want you to know I’m willing to do anything to pass.

And I said, Anything? And she said.