درس 02

Dusty, listen to me, I think you’re approaching this with way too much negative energy

Brad, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so shut your fat hole

Dusty

I’m sorry, Braddie

I’m sorry

You see what he does to me

I mean, he’s not even here yet, and he’s already ruining Christmas

Okay, okay, relax

Relax

I can’t

Look, your father hasn’t met the new evolved Dusty

You’re a progressive, sensitive, child-first parent

That’s exactly the stuff he’s gonna make fun of us for

You’ll see

He’s gonna scoff at everything we do

He’s a scoffer, Brad

Pepe, you have a grown son, right

Si

Why don’t you tell Dusty here how much your son means to you in this season of good cheer

You see

He didn’t say nice things like you think he did, Brad

Dusty, you’re being silly

I mean, who wouldn’t be impressed with you

Come on

Dear God

He looks as if he’s been chiseled from Gibraltar itself

This is gonna come off weird, Dusty, but he’s beautiful

I want to be his friend so bad

Dusty

Hey, Pop

How was your flight

Not bad

Took 20 minutes to get to the gate though

What’s with that bottleneck you got out there

I’m sorry our local airport tarmac’s not up to your standards, huh

I’m sorry I didn’t realize you designed this airport, or I’d have been more sensitive

Oh, I guess I’ll move to a new town with a better airport that way you won’t be inconvenienced when you show up every five years or so Same old Mr Touchy

I love it

Here you go, Pancho

Why don’t you bring the car around, we’ll meet you at the curb

Right away, sir

I mean, no, I’m sorry, I’m not the driver

No, I’m Brad

The stepdad

This is Sara’s husband

Why is he with you

Dad

That sweater He wears a red sweater, so I can see him in a crowd

Dad

That’s him, that’s Dad

Dad

Dad

I made a sign

There’s my big man

And this guy’s raising your kids half the time

He hasn’t seen his dad in a really long time

It’s only been since Thanksgiving, but it feels like forever

It does

Four weeks

It’s been a few years for us

What should we do

You want me to take my pants off

Hey, where’s Mom

You didn’t get her text

Uncle Arny came down with a bad case of the shingles

No

So Mom’s staying back - to take care of him

Okay

But, hey, you still got me

I sure do I sure do

We’re gonna have the best time

Oh Dusty

Hey, Don

Hey, Muscles, come here

I’ve got a cold

Stay away

Don, Don

Say, Dusty,

Brad told me about this Together Christmas we’re doing

You two are such wonderful, progressive co-dads

Co-dads

I’m so sorry Mr Mayron, this is my father, Don Whitaker

The pleasure is all mine, Captain

You piloted the Space Shuttle Atlantis in 1992 and commanded the Endeavour on three missions in 1994

All right, come on, we’re out this way

Thanks, Dusty

Say, Kurt, did you meet any interesting folks on your flight

I met a Scotch and a pillow

You know, actually, I always pick the flights that have the most connections so that I get to chat with as many new people as possible

Oh, so you’re a lunatic

Good to know

That’s me

Looks like one of your neighbors is getting an oversized parcel

Hello

Don Whitaker, United States Postal Service

Retired, but never too old to lend a hand to a fellow carrier

Brad, I gotta tell you, this baby sure gives you a smooth ride

Oh, thank you, Kurt

Yeah, it is surprisingly responsive

Brad, he’s not

So do they take your balls right there at the dealership, or do you send them in with the registration

How does it work exactly

No, no, they didn’t take my balls

Just $2,000 down

This your place, Dusty

I pictured it nicer

Yeah, Dusty’s house is nicer

This is my house

Just thought you’d like to step in and see the kids

Only if it’s okay

Look, we don’t want to infringe on your days

Of course, don’t be silly

Come on, guys

You got to ask another man’s permission to see your own kids

Unbelievable

We’re back With more daddies

Hey Look how big you two got

Come on

Don’t I get a hug

Come on

And who’s this barroom brawler

He’s our brother, Griffy, silly

Hey, come here, pardner

Dusty, you never told me

Why, he looks just like you

Yeah, not my kid

Oh, no, no, no

I fathered that one

Ah, then how does he relate to me then

Well, he is the brother of your grandkids, Kurt

Here, here

Okay

Hey, looking good, Buttercup

Good to see you

Look who’s here

Pop-Pop

Tell us a Pop-Pop joke

What’s a good one

Why does a duck have feathers

Why

To cover up his butt quack

Hey, kids, I got a good one for you

Two dead hookers wash up on the shore

Hey, hey

Whoa, whoa, shut up

No way

No way

Sara How’s my girl

Hi

What, Ginny couldn’t make it

Oh, she feels terrible

But she sent a batch of her special cookies

Is there milk in that kitchen

Yay

I want the first one

I get the first one

So he gets to be Pop-Pop and I’m just Grandpa Kurt

What

I’m in charge of the cutesy grandpa names now

Look, if you want a better name, maybe try showing up a little more often

Tell the kids, from now on, it’s El Padre

No more hooker jokes

These don’t taste like La-La’s cookies

They taste like Chips Ahoys

No, no

I sat right there in the kitchen and watched Grandma bake them just yesterday

I like them

So, this co-dads thing, is that what you call it

Yeah, that’s what we call it

So, on his watch,

he disciplines your kids, gives them advice, tucks them in, so forth

and that bothers you not a bit

Doesn’t bother me at all

And his total lack of masculinity

I mean, his weak chin and soft underbelly influencing your son, you’re good there, too

Yeah

You know what

I’m just feeling like maybe you guys want a little privacy

Stay right there, Brad, all right

He’s just trying to stir the turd

You can scoff all you want

Everything is rock solid between me and Brad here

In fact, best friends

Really

Thank you

Brad

Stop it

I’m good

He gets really emotional

Brad Hey Brother

Did you call me “brother”

B-Dawg

Chill out, man

Relax

All right

Cut it out

Brad, don’t

I know

Stop

All right, look

Hey

Brad, stop

Looks like you two guys have a real solid arrangement

You’re spending Christmas together and everything

Speaking of which, whose place are we doing that at

We’re totally happy to host if it makes it easier

Yeah, we could do it at my place

I got more room

We can do presents at our place, dinner at yours

Nah, all that back and forth, who needs that

This place, that place

Why don’t I book us a great vacation spot for all of us,

and we can all spend the holiday week together

Yay Cool

Thanks, El Padre

I love this idea

It’s something extra Christmasy, with lots of snow and family activities for all of us

Dad, I’m just worried about finding a place, you know, this close to the holiday

Booked it Airbnb

All done

Yay, El Padre

It’s gonna be so fun, since we’re all such great friends, huh