درس 05

Jump Jump

Come on, Griff

Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy

Casey’s here

Hey, guys

Hey

Hey, Dylan, look

Casey’s here

You want to come French her

Yeah, you want to go do French on your girlfriend, Dylan

Megan Leave him alone

And where did you learn “do French”

I’ll go talk to him

Dylan

You okay, buddy

I just I don’t get the whole girls thing

Girls, yeah

Yeah, that can be tricky

But you know who’d be really good in explaining that department

Your dad Let me go grab him

No, Brad I just want to talk to you about this

Just you, Brad, please

Me

You sure you don’t want to talk to your dad

Oh, well, girls Okay

All right, the girl talk

You know, boys have a

A dingle, right

And girls have a hoohoo or a whimwham

Brad, I already know about that stuff

You do

Yes From school, and it’s gross

Perfect

I just want to know what to do if I, you know,

I like somebody

Right, well

You want to become her friend first

You want to be that one that she confides in, that she tells you about all of her problems with the guys she’s actually dating

Got it

It’s called the Friend Zone

And it’s where we Whitaker men thrive

We’re the best in the biz

Yeah

Here we are in a wild frontier, full of majestic pines, and you two numb nuts are sorting through a bunch of dried twigs on a Rite Aid parking lot You just can’t go out on public land and cut down a tree, Dad

Dusty, we are the public

We own those trees

Oh, I get it You need to ask codad for permission

Oh, shut up I know what you’re trying to do

What am I doing

Make it look like I can’t make a move without checking in with Brad first

Yeah, that’s what I’m doing

Am I right about that

Oh, God

And we own the paint in the Friend Zone

And sure we’re gonna lose some

Doesn’t matter

We’re gonna lose a lot, I’ll be frank with you

Well, what do you know

Brad’s having that nittygritty talk for you

Must be nice to have someone to handle the tough stuff, huh

And eventually you’ll keep in touch

You might even be invited to their wedding

And their dad’s like, “Brad, what are you doing here

“Teresa never talks about you”

And you’re like, “I’m invited”

And he’s, “I wonder about that”

And you show them the proof

Always bring the wedding invite with you

Then they can’t kick you out

Okay

But you’ll be sad ultimately knowing that she’s not with you, and you want to prepare yourself with, like, a mixtape of sad songs Anything from Chicago is usually pretty good

If you leave me now

You take away the biggest part of me

I don’t really know that song

Oohwee, no, baby, please don’t go

Wait No, no, no

Dylan, that is the worst advice anyone could give you

Listen to your dad, please

It’s okay, Dad

We don’t have to talk about it

No, no, buddy, buddy, wait, wait, look

Hey, this stuff is all about confidence

You just got to believe you’re the best she’s ever gonna find

You believe that to your core, and she will, too, I promise you

But what if she doesn’t

Buddy, you can’t be afraid of rejection

You’ll never find love if you’re too scared to put yourself out there

Hey, Goggles

Mistletoe is your ticket

I don’t know if that’s appropriate

It’s a timehonored holiday tradition, Mr WarOnChristmas

Then you give her a nice smack on the caboose and tell her what a lucky girl she is

Don’t listen to that part, all right

Yeah, don’t listen to that part

Look at me

Look at me

You want to be like Brad and be in the Friend Zone, or you wanna be Dad and get in the end zone

This worked for me when I was your age

You want to go for it, buddy

Come on, you can do this

No

I like Brad’s way more

I just want to be her friend and listen to her problems

My tree, my tree, my tree, my tree

My tree, my tree

Can I yell “Timber”

Sure can, sweetheart

Is this okay

Are any of these trees even gonna fit in the cabin

We’re gonna cut off the top 25 feet and chop the rest up for firewood, Don

Now, this is the Duster Buster I remember

A certified badass that makes his own rules

Go find a good tree, would you

Boy, I don’t know about this, Kurt

Isn’t it illegal to harvest a tree from public lands

It’s a federal crime

I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how stubborn that kid can be

Okay

Dusty, look, I know you’re upset about Dylan, but I just

I told you, Brad, I’m not upset, all right

We’re codads

If he prefers your terrible advice, fine, I’m cool with that

I just want to find the perfect Together Christmas tree

Well, I just don’t know if it’s the best choice, you know

Well, maybe we’re not always gonna do everything your way every time

Trouble in paradise, fellas

No, we’re picking a tree

Just having a conversation

El Padre

Look it

Hey, what, kids

What, you find a dead squirrel

We don’t have to do things my way

Really

Yeah

What about baseball snack

I just wanted to give out Fruit RollUps, and what’s the big deal

No, I just feel like organic fruit is much more nutritious than its rolledup counterpart

Yeah

Yeah

And what about Megan’s diorama

You didn’t want to use any of my ideas

Your only idea was the Bay of Pigs

But it’s an important event in our nation’s history

It was bloody

You wanted her to do green energy so you could look Mr Perfect Dad

I’m not Mr Perfect Dad

You act like Mr Perfect Dad

I’m not Mr Perfect Dad

And we don’t have to do things my way

Oh, yeah

Yeah

Okay You don’t think I can operate a chainsaw, do you

Guess who got his woodlands management badge in Webelos

I did Brad Whitaker

Dusty, look at this one

Perfectly symmetrical

Okay

Oh, yeah

Keep an eye out for rangers

I’ve got to pinpoint a 60 degree angle top cut

That’s what I’m gonna do first

Oh, yeah

She’s cutting like butter

Hey, Brad, isn’t that a

Hold it, hold it

Timber

Wow

Brad, you cut down a cell phone tower

Why’d you cut down a cell phone tower

No bars

No bars

That was excellent

Get up

You really stuck that landing, man

Would you get up

I’d give you a 92 on my card

Brad, get up

I think Brad’s dead again

Man, you killed the poor bastard

Brad, don’t go into the light

It’s okay, sweetheart

El Padre will bring him back

Stand clear

I got it, all right

It’s your fault we’re even out here

You’re getting in our heads and starting static between me and Brad

There’s plenty of static between you and Brad already

And you know what

Deep down, you want him dead, don’t you

You can say it

We all want him dead I want him dead

Everybody does

What

Come on, admit it

Why don’t you admit why you invited yourself to Christmas

Well, why don’t you tell me, smart guy

‘Cause you knew I was back here trying to be a good dad, be around for my kids the way you never were for me

That’s why you want to crap all over it

Get up, Brad

Oh, my God, what happened

You cut down a cell phone tower, Brad

You know, you’re right

I did invite myself to Christmas

But that’s because you never do

I feel like I died again

Did I die again

A little bit Come on

Okay Our report’s all squared away

Yimmy, Bill,

thank you guys so much for the understanding

We really appreciate it

I’m so sorry

I’m truly embarrassed

No, hey

It was an honest mistake

Okay, you’re all set

Okay, We’d better get back to the site and lock it down

Hold on one second

Is there any way we could do better than $20,000

Can’t you reuse some of the antenna equipment

Sorry, no

These old 4G units are obsolete already

That’s why you’re getting this one so cheap

It looks really nice, though

It sure does

Hey, guys, keep it up, it looks great

Happy Holidays

Happy Christmas, guys

Thanks

Please tell me you did not just spend $20,000 on a Christmas tree

Twenty thousand dollars

“Can you hear me now”

You want some eggnog

Yummy

Hey

I want some

Me, too

Now, girls, that’s a grownup drink

Yes Thank you, Karen

So we’re only gonna have one

What

No, no, no

There’s rum in there, so not any

Are you writing about me

All right Somebody want to plug her in

Yeah, I got it

Cool

That’s weird

Wow

What do you think

It’s so pretty

Well, it ought to be at 1,200 bucks a foot

Dad, we’re lighting the tree

Where’s my dad

Yeah, I thought it was a little quiet around here

PopPop

Don

PopPop

Is he still outsidewnup drink