درس 06

Dad

Dad

Dad

Brad

Dad

Where are you

I found him Where are you

I don’t know

Are you hurt

Oh, no, no

No, I just can’t quite get up

Dad, don’t move

There’s a pack of wolves on you

Is that what it is

Yeah

I can feel something tugging at my trousers

What color are they, Brad

They’re gray wolves

That’ll be Canis lupus

They’re dangerous

Really

They look like you could just reach out and pet them

I kind of want to pet them, Dad

Now, Brad

Don’t make eye contact with the alpha wolf

I already did

Right in the eyes

Don’t show any fear

I don’t want to watch the wolves eat you

Breathe deep and pull yourself together

I’m sorry, I’m sorry

Hut

Hut Hurt

Are you saying “hut” or “hurt”

Dad, what happened

You know, I saw the nicest tree a ways off, and I got a little off course

I tried to call you, but all of a sudden my signal dropped

Really

I tried to find my way back, but at some point I lost consciousness

That’s about when the wolves must have come across me

It’s all right, fellas

You didn’t have to go to any trouble

It’s all good

I’m sorry for all the hugs

I kind of don’t want to let go

I almost thought I’d lost you out there to those nasty wolves

Do you have any idea how much I love you

Well, of course I do

You tweet about it every day

You know how much I love you, too, don’t you

Your answer is right in here

I can see it

Okay, now that everyone is accounted for,

can we please talk about who is paying for that monstrosity

Well, you know, it was Dusty’s idea to cut down the tree

Yeah, and it was your idea to cut down the cell phone tower, Brad

Great, so as per usual we get stuck paying

Wait, what does that mean

I think it’s a nice tree

I don’t know

Dylan’s retainer

Megan’s flute

What about Tae Kwon

Do that you signed them up for and didn’t even ask us about

Yes, and who paid for the trip to the aquarium last week

It’s a really nice tree

So now we’re keeping score, huh

Well, who paid for the parking and bought each one of them a blowup orca

After we told them they couldn’t have a blowup orca

Yeah, because you were too cheap to buy them a blowup orca

Who crushed my car with a snow blower

You did, Brad

Who crushed my car with a motorcycle

Hello

You again

Hey

It’s a beautiful tree

It’s beautiful, all right

Okay, yeah Dad’s right

It’s a beautiful tree

Don, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to save the foot

Yeah, that baby’s coming off

I’ll need some morphine and a bread knife

Brad, hold him down

Oh, no

That’s just my feet

It’s the mail carrier’s curse

Back when I used to sleep with your mom, I once scratched her leg so bad with a piece of rogue heel skin, it actually drew blood

What do you mean, used to sleep with Ginny

What

Oh

We sleep in separate bedrooms

You know how badly I snore, Brad

Boy, that is inspiring

You know

The way you’re always so considerate to the other person

I really want to take this foot off

Hey, sweetie

You know, you might want to close your window

You know, since it’s winter

You’re not my dad

You know, I appreciate you reminding me of that every few hours

But, you know,

we’re not the only people here, so maybe we set the thermostat to like 75

I mean, that’s still really toasty, right

Okay, well, what if I counter you at like 78

And then you negotiate with me, you come back at like 83, and then maybe we settle at like 80

What do you say to that

81

Deal

Look at that The two of us are starting to see eye to eye

Thank you, sweetie

Thank God

There’s Brad with some makeup cocoa for being such a jerk

Thank you

Brad What are you doing

Oh, God

Why would you do that

Look what you made me do

I didn’t do anything

I didn’t make you do it

I thought you were bringing me hot makeup cocoa and you just, like, threw it all over yourself

You almost burned me, Brad

I wasn’t bringing you makeup cocoa

Why not

I would’ve said, “Here, bud, here’s some makeup cocoa”

I’ve been waiting for my makeup cocoa

I didn’t know that

If I knew you wanted makeup cocoa, I would’ve

81

No, no, don’t touch that

I talked her down from the high 80s

I’m making progress with her

This is good

I thought you had your house in order

Look, don’t you see

We’re doing exactly what he wants

We’re letting things out of the harbor

So you are harboring

Of course I’m harboring

And so are you

Harboring was working just fine before he showed up

Let’s get everything back in the harbor

and let’s harbor it all back in and close up the harbor

I don’t know if I can

Remember you said let’s put the focus back on the kids

That was a great idea

Fine

Harbor’s closed

Good

But we’re going halfsies on the cell tower

Fine, halfsies on the cell tower

Brad, are you okay

Yeah

Did you make teetee in bed

No, it’s cocoa

Did your cocoa make you teetee in bed

You’re sleepwalking

Go back to sleep

The big boy doesn’t have to be embarrassed

How would I pee upwards

7 and a half 13

Pretty good

Yeah

Better than before

Yeah, the skip was really cool

Hey

Do you mind

Bowler’s etiquette

What do you mean

It means you’re crowding me

You can’t bowl with me here

That sounded like a strike

How’s your hearing

Dylan, come on, buddy, you’re up

All right

Let’s go

Hey, come on

You can do this, okay

Whoa, whoa, whoa

What’s with the kiddie stuff

What

The rails

Yeah

It’s how the kids learn how to bowl, Dad

You learn by fearing the gutter

Like in life, Dusty

Now, Kurt

The rails help a young bowler build a positive selfimage

Dylan, come here

Do you want to bowl with those sissy rails up, or do you want to stand and bowl like a man

I don’t need the rails, I guess

Attaboy

I’m proud of you, kid

Hey, I’m proud of you too, big guy, all right

Dylan’s going without the rails

No rails

All right, Dylan

Don’t be afraid to release it high

Here we go

Good try

When he’s up there with the tears and “I suck at everything” business, that’s on you, Mr School of Hard Knocks

Hey, better than him living in your basement in 20 years, Mr Sissy Rails

Come on, buddy

Give it another shot

Okay

New start, new beginning

Here we go

Oh, yeah

Are we certain he understands the game

He seems to almost be trying to put it in the gutter

I know

He needs to get more height on the ball

I hate this frickin’ game

It’s so frickin’ stupid

Hey, everybody, check it out

This kid’s about to bowl a perfect zero

Hey, mind your business

Hey, how do you think this is gonna make him feel about himself

Well, this is character building

Even the ridicule

Come on, bud

Come on, Dylan

It’s okay

I suck at everything

I quit, I quit

Hey

Hey, kid, listen

We Mayron men might not always show up

I mean, we want to show up, we intend to, but sometimes, we get trashed the night before, or we wreck a speedboat,

or hook up with some Emirates flight attendants and somehow end up on a redeye to Dubai

You know what I mean

The point is, we may not always show up,

but when we do, we finish what we start

Now you get up there and grab those balls

Come on, you got this

Go, bro

I’ll take that

I’ll cover that

Come on, honey

Come on, buddy

You can do it, kid

Please

Please

I did it

Thanks for believing in me, El Padre

You bet, buddy

I knew you had it in you

You’re a winner

You’re a winner

I did it