درس 07

Hey, where were you guys

We’re almost at the front of the line here

We were at the Starbucks checking out the local talent

Cute little number at the next table was giving this one the eye

And El Padre got a phone number from the lady who made the coffees

We got free ones

I drink coffee now

What

Get in here

Big jump

Welcome to the North Pole

Hey, honey, are you sure you don’t want to go see Santa with the boys

You were so excited

Mom, Santa is so lame

Come on

He can hear you, you know

You know, I’m sorry

My daughter thinks that your daughter is amazing

Oh, that’s sweet

Which is cute, you’re right, but sometimes when Adrianna does certain things, then Megan thinks that it’s okay to do it because you said that

Oh, my God

Are you really stealing right now

Sometimes I shoplift a little bit

It’s exciting

No I mean Okay, yeah, it’s a little exciting

My heart’s really beating out of my chest

What if we get caught

You got to put it back

You’re so obedient

You’re always following the rules, you know

Come on, Sara

Have a little fun with me

Relax

I mean, I would love to have a little fun with you, but I just want you to know, I am not obedient, okay

Then put this in your pants

No No, thank you

It’s weird

Stop it

I’m not going to shoplift

Why not

Because

Because you’re about to see why

Pardon me, miss

Yes

Is this woman bothering you

What

She’s a little judgmental, but she’s fine

Thank you

No worries

Welcome to the North Pole

And what do you want for Christmas

Oh, I didn’t miss it

Hi

Right there

This is a great shot

Are you getting it, honey

Yeah, I got a good one

That’s a great shot

Thank you, Santa

You’re welcome

Hi, honey

What about you, big brother

I’m sure you’ve been good

What’s on your list

I kind of want a 20gauge shotgun, so I can go turkey hunting with my El Padre

What the heck

Where’d he come up with that

Did he just ask for a firearm

Sure did 20gauge

Kid knows his guns

Kurt, we’ve already been through this

Dusty and I

Yeah, it is final

That’s it

It’s not happening

Really

Because I don’t remember being part of that discussion

Or am I just some little obedient wife who does whatever the men folk say

Yeah, that doesn’t seem quite fair to me

Oh, piss off, Kurt

Honey, he’s talking about a gun

If I may, can I just have a word with my grandson

I just want you to fully understand what you’re asking for

To take a gun into the wilderness, find an animal living free, and take away its life

So that it can never breathe or run or play ever again

Now, is that what you really want

Yes

No I don’t want to do that

You have a good heart, Dylan

I’ll do it

I’ll kill a turkey

Can I shoot one Please

I’ll have one shotgun, please, Santa

And gobs and gobs of bullets

No, no, no, cupcake

No, I’m sorry

No, the men do the hunting

You ladies cook what we kill

Excuse me

Yeah, excuse you

Here, turkey, turkey, turkey

Be patient, sweetheart

The decoys are right around the corner

This is nice, huh, Dust

You and me, the fresh air

Just like old times

What do you mean “just like old times”

You only took me once, Dad

Jeez, I don’t know

Are you sure this is a good idea, Sara

Megan is a strong independent woman

If she wants to help thin the wild turkey population so that they don’t starve to death in the winter, that is her right by the Second Amendment

Boy, you bought into that real quick

I mean, I think for Megan, this is less about wildlife conservation and more about bloodlust

Looks like somebody picked the wrong day to be a turkey

Keep your elbow down and cradle the stock, okay

Yeah, I get it

Can I shoot the damn thing or not

Yeah, that’s the spirit

Take a deep breath, and then squeeze that trigger as you’re letting it out

Megan, are you sure this is what you want to do

Let’s name it

She’s not gonna kill it if it has a name

Yes Gertrude

Sam Tom

Billie Holiday No

Elijah

Elijah

Elijah, run home

Stand your ground, kid

Save yourself, Elijah

Take the shot, kid

Take the shot

No, Elijah has feelings

Take the shot

Oh, God

Dad

Oh, my God

Honey, are you okay

Kurt

Dad, Dad, are you all right

I’m okay

She just winged me

I’m sorry, El Padre I’m sorry

That’s okay, kid I’ve been shot worse than this plenty of times

Make your scarf into a tourniquet

Wrap it around his shoulder

Lift his legs

You’ll be fine, sweetheart

I’m gonna bleed out

Wow

Two for two

Makes getting shot worth it

Get the birds, Brad

God I don’t know who this child is

You get that one

What I know, okay

It’s on me

I’m the worst mom in the world

I put a gun in my daughter’s hand, and then she nearly killed somebody

She’s gonna be scarred for life

Hi

I just shot a turkey and a man

Guess which one’s dead

Okay, fine, maybe she’s a little too unscarred

Jeez

You all right

Yeah, good

All right

So, listen, the doctor said everything is gonna be all right

He just wants to keep you for a couple of hours to watch your blood pressure

I’m fine

Where’s my pants

Hey

I forgot

Nothing ever hurts you

Why don’t we just round up all the nurses

We can bring them in here

You could do some pushups for them,

maybe bench press the couch a little bit,

prove you’re still a tough guy

Still tough enough to lick you, Junior

Was that a scoff

I didn’t scoff

Yeah, I heard you scoff just then

All right, I scoffed

So what

Why, because you think you can lick me, right

I never said I could lick you, but I could whoop you for sure

Now we’re talking

Come on

Best out of three falls, come on

Hey, cut it out,

okay I’m not gonna wrestle an old man whose ass is hanging out of his hospital gown

GrecoRoman style Best way

Come on

Hey, Great Santini, I’m not gonna do this, all right

Cut it out

Get some rest

All right

Hey

That’s one, candyass

Now you’re gonna get whipped, old man

Come on Bring it on

Tap out

I can keep going all night, kid

You hear that heart rate

You can set your watch to it

Yeah ‘Cause ice water only flows at one speed, huh

That’s right, pal

Now go to sleep

You know I came in to say something nice, but now you can forget it

What nice thing

No Forget it

You know, when that gun went off, I thought you were a goner

There’s something that we never say that one of us should say before it’s too late

Yeah Like Like what

No, I’m not gonna say it now, but maybe you want to say something

I don’t know what you’re talking about

Oh, yeah

Seems like you might want to get something off your chest

No Nothing comes to mind

But if you want to say something,

I’m not gonna stop you or anything

No, I’m good

But you might wanna unburden yourself before you bust that frickin’ machine

Well, if I was gonna say something, and I’m not

What are you gonna say

But if I was, I might want to tell you that I

Hello

Wait, it’s Brad

Don’t say it

Don’t say it

Knock, knock

Time out on three, okay

One, two, three

Hey, Brad

What’s going on

Hey

Am I interrupting something

What

No, nothing

No, we’re fine

Why are you being so weird, Brad

a little awkward in here

Oh, gosh

So, look, guys,

I’m not here to tell you I told you so, even though I did

I’ve just been thinking that we’ve had a lot of tensions as of late, and I thought maybe we could use a Dads’ Night Out Right

Yeah

So what are we thinking, Brad

Strip club

Even better