درس 09

Hey Five more minutes and I get to be Joseph

You’re not the right type to play Jesus’ dad, Brad

He wasn’t Jesus’ dad, he was Jesus’ stepdad

And I’m exactly the right type

You’d better stop hitting me with that shepherd stick, Brad

I’m warning you

Brad’s right

Let him be Joseph

Thank you, Roger, I appreciate that

It’s Brad’s turn, Dusty

Dad, don’t break character

And stop trying to butter me up

Can we show some decorum I’m showing decorum

You guys, zip it

You’re gonna wake up Baby Jesus

That’s it

Give me the beard

Don’t touch my Joseph beard, Brad

Give him the beard Dad, stay out of it

Can we have some respect for the Nativity

Cut it out

This is stupid

I don’t even get it

Why go on a trip when Mary’s about to have a baby

What’s so damn important you got to go to Bethlehem in the middle of the night

There was a census, okay

We covered that in Sunday School

Megan, what is going

Did you get into the eggnog

Hey

Who’s up for some IHOP

Yeah, that kid’s pickled all right

Mom, you’re pretty

Can we go to IHOP

I’m sorry, folks

Having some technical difficulties

Great, Dad

Now you’ve broken the fourth wall

None of it’s real, folks

I want to go wait in the car

Give me the keys, Brad

No, I am not giving you the keys to the car, because you’re drunk and you’re a child

Nobody likes your dumb, stupid Brad voice

And you smell like pumpkins

And you’re a mean drunk Kid’s got an arm

Drunk nineyearold

You better watch it, Roger

Adrianna Are you okay, sweetheart

Is she okay Is she

What is she

What a shock

Now we know where Megan got the eggnog

You always assume she’s the bad influence

Maybe your daughter plied my daughter with alcohol

Maybe your daughter’s that way because her mother is a shoplifter

Shoplifter

Sara, we’ve been working on the shoplifting thing, okay

But that has nothing to do with Adrianna being such a little nightmare all the time

My daughter is not a nightmare

Come on, Adrianna

No, sweetheart, I didn’t mean that

Honey

Hey

What’d you call my daughter

He called her a nightmare

Hey I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a heathen

Let’s take this outside

Yeah, let’s step outside the manger

He called her a nightmare

Here we go

Now, now, boys, we can’t just leave

Joseph and the Innkeeper rumble outside the manger

Make the first move, Innkeeper

Kick his ass, Joseph

We are not going to do this in front of the children

Now, what kind of fathers are you, anyway

That’s rich

Coming from a guy who lies to his son for six months

Maybe that’s why everyone thinks your stories are so “delightful,”

because they’re all lies

Sara, get the kids out of here, okay

Happily I don’t want them watching this anyway

Have fun, morons

Pancakes, bitches

Do not say “bitches”

Kids are gone

Let’s go

I’m not hitting a guy dressed like Joseph

The beard’s off, Roger

How many excuses you want to pull out, man

Now it’s on

You know what, Brad Don

Yes, I lied

Because whenever there’s anything wrong in your life, if it isn’t roses and rainbows, you completely fall apart

I thought we had an honest relationship

Oh, yeah

Brad,

I bet you never told him about that procedure you had last year, did you

Oh, my God What procedure

It was nothing, just some benign tissue

How about that

You’re both a couple of lying sacks

And, you

From the minute you got here, you’ve been nothing but mean and sarcastic

Well, you know what, Kurt

F you Dad

That’s right Forget you

Attaboy, swami

Throwing down F words

Not the F word, but an F word, and that’s a good start

Now, come on, give me the finger, big boy

Come on

Come on

Hey Hey

Are we gonna still fight or what

Roger brings up a good point

Let’s get the momentum back

Come on, Roger Get some

Let’s get in there

Come on No, no, no, no, no

If you lay one hand on each other, whether the kids are here or not, it will negatively impact them

All right

What are you doing

Oh Oh, I see

Yeah, yeah

Snowball fight

I’ve got some Nerf guns in the back of my car

Want me to get them

I pitched tripleA for the Red Sox in their farm system, Roger

Don’t say I didn’t warn you

Take your best shot

Dad

Don, I’m sorry

That sucks

I’m so sorry No, no, it was all right

Hey, no fair

That’s an ice ball

You bet it is

You know, you throw that and we are no longer codads

I’m way ahead of you, di@khead

You know, from now on, we’ll just act like a normal blended family with me hating your guts

The kids will never know, because I’m too good of a dad to ever throw their stepfather under the bus

But that’s right where you’re gonna be, Brad

Under my bus

Well, guess what, I’m gonna celebrate you morning, noon and night because it’s the right thing to do in front of the kids

But just know the way I really feel about you is you can suck a fart, Dusty

A wet, greasy fart

You gonna keep pumpfaking that thing or you gonna take a shot, Brad

Huh

What

What

Huh

He’s never played sports ever

Maybe it’s stuck to his hand

Oh Oh

Huh Huh

That’s what I thought

You know what, Dusty, you’re not worth it

Come on, Dad

Good

Psych

You’re totally worth it

Dad

That was an ice ball Treating your dad like that

Dad

Look, it was an accident

Go ahead, Roger

Brad was right the first time

You’re not worth it

Dang Right down my neck

Don Sorry Sorry

That guy’s like a snowball magnet

You were right about everything

You happy now

Dusty, I do like being right

Hey, is that your baby in there

Griffy

I know I know, sweetie

It’s okay, it’s okay

I know, I know

This was Dusty’s idea

I never wanted to do this

Hey, Brad That one’s mine

Oh, is this bag yours Yeah

Sara

Sara

Oh, my gosh

What is going on here

What’s happening, Officer

Avalanche hit the highway up ahead

It’s gonna take a few hours to clear it,

so follow the traffic back into town, all right

What caused the avalanche

Was it all the snow

Yeah, I’m pretty sure snow had something to do with the avalanche

Keep it moving

Well, I guess we could stop and have lunch to kill time

On Christmas Day

What’s gonna be open

I don’t know

Oh, look at that

Looks like everyone had the same idea

Oh, no

Everything’s sold out

Well, I guess we could see Missile Tow

What’s that about

It’s Liam Neeson

He’s a tow truck driver who’s on his way home for Christmas with his kids and

happens along some terrorists who’ve hijacked a mobile ICBM

So he hooks it to his rig and has to get it to NORAD before Christmas morning

I hear it’s really good

I don’t know, Brad, it’s PG13

I don’t really care for the salty language

Well, it has cute little kids in it

I mean, how dirty can it be

Besides, you love Liam Neeson

I do

Let’s just give it a shot Yes

Looks very heroic

I’ll say that much

I mean, really Man