One Fish, Two Fish.Blow Fish, Blue Fish
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One Fish, Two Fish.Blow Fish, Blue Fish
Is it done yet? Is it done yet?
Your meatloaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.
Isn’t there anything faster than a microwave? Four, three, two, one, ping!
We have meatloaf!
Get it while it’s unbelievably hot, kids!
Yum. I’ve got a dried out end-piece with your name on it, Lisa.
Thursday – meatloaf night. As it was, is now, and ever shall be.
What are you getting at?
Well, you’re always trying to teach me to be opened-minded, try new things, live life to the…
What are you talking about? Nobody’s trying to teach you that.
Shut up, boy.
Well, maybe Lisa’s right. Tomorrow night it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Tomorrow night!? Friday!? Pork chop night!? Marge, we haven’t missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in ‘87.
Friday night, pork chops. From cradle to grave… etched in stone in God’s library somewhere…
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Where do you want to go?
Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza or fried chicken.
Fine. We’ll go to Mars.
There’s that new sushi restaurant on Elm Street.
Sushi? Hey, maybe this is just one of those things you hear on the playground… but, isn’t that raw fish?
As usual, the playground has the facts right, but missed the point entirely. Sushi is considered quite a delicacy.
Please, Homer. Can’t we try it?
Please, Dad. This argument humiliates us both.
If I said no the first time, what makes you think I’m gonna say yes the second time?
Nothing, but you might say yes the ninety-ninth time.
Oh, try me.
Oh, okay, okay!
Please, do not be alarmed. Our chefs are just saying hello.
Oh, okay. HELLO!
This is our karioke bar. Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping with drunken Japanese businessmen.
I am Akira, your waiter. May I take your order?
What would you recommend for a family that’s not sure they should be here?
The sushi sampler has a little bit of everything. It is very non-threatening.
I’ll have one of those.
Make it two.
Akira, my good man, I’d like two sharks, an octopus and an eel.
Do you have any giant squid? The kind that drags men to their deaths?
Not today. And sir?
It’s so hard to choose. It all looks so terrible. Just bring me one of these, and one of these, and one of those.
What do you think, Master?
No, no, no. Toshiro, the squid looks like it’s been hacked by a blind woodsman. Hang your head in shame.
Good thing I’m open-minded.
Hmmm. Hmmm. Not bad. Interesting.
I’ll try this little pink one, here. Hmmm, very good. Another one.
Oh boy, this fish is dee-lish!
Hi. My name is Richie Sakai. I’m an anesthesiologist.
And I’d like to dedi-cate this next song to my wife, Patti. “I WAS BORN IN THE WAGON OF A TRAVELLING SHOW / MAMA USED TO DANCE FOR THE MONEY THEY’D THROW / PAPA WOULD DO WHATEVER HE COULD…”
… oh, oh, and two of these things.
And, Oh, Oh, I don’t believe I’ve tried the flying fish roe…
I recommend it with a raw quail egg on top.
You’re the doctor!
“WHO’S THE BLACK PRIVATE DICK THAT’S THE SEX MACHINE TO ALL THE CHICKS?”
“You’re damn right. WHO’S THE CAT THAT WON’T COP OUT / WHEN THERE’S DANGER ALL ABOUT?”
There’s gotta be something I haven’t tried. Huh? Hey! What’s this? Fugu!
It is blowfish, sir. But I should warn you that one…
Come on, pal! Fugu me!
“THEY SAY THIS CAT SHAFT IS A BAD MOTHER…”
“Shut your mouth!”
“But I’m talkin’ about Shaft.”
“I can dig it!”
“HE’S A COMPLICATED MAN BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIM BUT HIS WOMAN.”
Oh, she’s here. Cover for me.
Not fugu! If it is cut improperly it’s… it’s…
Yes, yes, it is poisonous, potentially fatal, but if sliced properly, it can be quite tasty.
I must get the Master.
Oh, Miss Krabappel, your hair smells so clean.
Master, you are needed in the kitchen.
I said cover for me, damn it!
But Master, we need your skilled hands.
My skilled hands are busy. You do it!
Poison, poison, tasty fish.
I want fugu!
Beautiful language, isn’t it, Marge?
For God’s sake, don’t eat another bite!
Oh, I couldn’t possibly.
Mr. Simpson-san. I shall be blunt. We have reason to believe you have eaten poison.
Poison! What should I do? What should I do? Tell me quick!
Oh, no need to panic. There’s a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.
“Try something new, Homer. What’ll it hurt you, Homer?” I never heard of a poison pork chop.
Hmmm, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
No need, Doc. I can read Marge like a book.
Oooh! It’s good news, isn’t it?
No, Mr. Simpson. If in fact, you’ve consumed the venom of the blowfish – and from what the chef has told me, it’s quite probable, you have twenty-four hours to live.
Well, twenty-two. I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long.
Oh Marge, I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.
Well, if there’s one consolation it’s that you will feel no pain at all until some time tomorrow evening when your heart suddenly explodes.
Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
No way! Because I’m not dying.
The second is anger.
Why you little –
And after that comes fear.
What’s after fear? What’s after fear?
Doc, you gotta get me out of this. I’ll make it worth your while.
Well, we all gotta go some time.
Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. I-I should leave you two alone. Perhaps this pamphlet will be helpful.
“So you’re going to die… “
Hello, Marge? Hello? I’m the one who’s dying, not you.
I’m sorry, Homer. Have you thought about what you want to tell the kids?
Nothing. It’ll just upset them. I want my last hours of family life to be happy ones.
Well, have you decided what you want to do tomorrow?
I’m not done yet, Marge. What’s that word you use for when you and I… you know…
When we’re intimate?
Be intimate with Marge.
Can I just make one suggestion? Can we get up early and watch the sunrise together?
Ah, watch the sunrise.
Till six a.m., my dearest darling and my last day on earth.
Eleven-thirty! Oh, that’s just great.
Marge, why did you let me sleep so late?
You looked so peaceful lying there.
There’ll be plenty of time for that! I’ve got tons of important stuff to do.
Have man-to-man with Bart.
Come here, boy.
Nooo, I just want to have a heart-to-heart talk.
You know, Bart, after me, you’re the man around the house, and that means you’re gonna have to help out with –
Oh, come on, I do plenty around here! Lisa never lifts a finger. Why don’t you go yell at her?
Shut up! Bart, this is good stuff. I want to share something with you – the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, “cover for me.” Number two, “oh, good idea, boss.” Number three, “it was like that when I got here.”
Hey, this is good stuff.
Told ya. Now, come on. You’re gonna learn how to shave.
…and, finally, the little spot under your nose. Next, we take some toilet paper, tear off some teensy little squares, and stick one there, and there, and any place you’re bleeding. There and there. Don’t worry, the blood will hold it right on your face. Now, some aftershave.
Ah! Ooh! Arg! Son of a – ! Ah! And that’s how we shave.
Oh, Why you little –
It was like that when I got here.
Oh, that’s my boy.
Listen to Lisa play her sax.
Hi, Dad. Want me to cut out this infernal racket?
No. Let me hear you play.
Does a father have to explain? Let’s just share your gift, okay?
Yeah, that’s more like it! “OH, I WANT TO BE IN THAT RUMBA / WHEN THE SAINTS GO OVER THERE…. OVER THERE… OVER THERE.”
Simpson, what a pleasant surprise. We were just pulling taffy.
Gee, the fun never stops at the Flanders house, does it?
Hey, Flanders, could I borrow your camcorder?
Okey-dokel. Hey, why don’t you and your family come over for a barbecue tomorrow?
Oh, are you sure? We got that new propane beauty just sittin’ in the back yard.
No, I don’t want-a…
Oh, it’s crying out to cook up some good eatin’.
Flanders, I said I didn’t – Tomorrow? Sure, what the hey. I’d love to come to your barbecue. I’ll even bring the thickest, juiciest T-bones you’ve ever seen.
Mmm Mm, sounds terriff!
Heh-heh. The joke’s on him, I’ll be dead by then.
This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie. I’m speaking to you from beyond the grave. Oooooooh. Hope that didn’t scare you. Well, you’re a grown-up now, and unless you’ve taped over this, you’re probably wondering what kind of man your father was… He was a simple man. A kind man. A gentle man who loved his children and…
Hello? Yeah he’s here who is this? Bart’s friend Milhouse. Bart! Get your butt down here!
Huh? Oh, it’s you. What do you want?
Dad, we’ve never been too close, have we?
Not to my knowledge.
Never went fishing, or played catch, or even hugged each other.
We never danced the Hoochy-Koo, either. What’s your point?
I just want you to know that I love you, Dad.
Oh, son, I love you, too. Hey, how about a hug?
My old man. Well, I gotta go.
Oh, son, no. We’ve got a lotta catchin’ up to do. What do you say… we go fishin’?
Well, gee, Dad, if I wasn’t on such a tight schedule–
Well, I … Oh, let’s get some worms.
Well, no time for that.
Oh, I really wanted to do that one.
Gee, Dad. Way to hog my last moments.
Just a quick game of hacky-sack.
I love you, son!
Yeah, yeah. The old guy’s a little love-starved.
Get moving, you hunk of junk. I gotta make up for lost time.
I’m sorry, Officer. I know I was going too fast. Just give me a ticket.
I beg your pardon?
Just give me a ticket.
Whoa! Well, that sounded like an order.
I pay my taxes and they pay your salary, so when I say “give me a ticket”, just give me a ticket.
Uh huh. Maybe we don’t want to give you a ticket.
Maybe we want to haul your butt in, wiseguy.
Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh.
That’s sorta nice. What are you in for?
Okay, Flash. You get one phone call.
Wait! I can’t call Marge. It’s our last day on earth together. I can’t drag her into this mess. I know! I’ll call Barney.
Nobody’s here… nobody’s here… nobody’sherenobody’sherenobody’s here…
Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes!
Thanks a lot, Barney. I just wasted my one phone call on your stupid ma–
What? I’m home. I’m home. Hi, Homer.
You gotta help me, Barney. I’m in jail.
You are? Hey, Homer. Go to the window.
Hiya, neighbor. I can see you.
Ju… ju….just get over here and bring fifty bucks for bail.
Fifty bucks! What’d you do – kill a judge? Where am I gonna get fifty bucks?
Why are we all dressed up?
Because sometimes it’s fun to dress up for dinner.
Why are we using the good china?
Because sometimes it’s fun to use the good china.
What’s with the candles?
Sometimes it’s fun to use candles.
Why are we waiting for Dad?
Because we love your father and enjoy his company.
Why are we really waiting for Dad?
Heh, forty-eight dollars and seventy cents… You know we don’t usually take rusty money.
You’re dyin’ and you weren’t even gonna stop at Moe’s for a last beer with your buddies?
Hey, Barney, look. It was on my list, along with a lot of other things I didn’t get to do today. Hey, my boss!
Smithers, check out the luscious pair on that red-head. That’s it, baby. Work those ankles.
Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
Who the Sam Hill was that?
Why, it’s Homer Simpson, sir. One of the schmos from Sector 7G.
Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at nine o’clock Monday morning. We’ll see who eats whose shorts!
Wow! Of all the luck! To think I almost died without telling the boss to eat my shorts.
Ah, Homer. Come on. You got time for one last beer. Please.
I gotta call Marge.
Hello, Moe’s Tavern – birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Is Seymour there? Last name, Butts.
Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butts here? Seymour Butts? Hey, everybody. I wanna Seymour Butts!
Oh, wait a minute. Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket. When I get my hands on you, I’m gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew.
Oh, it was busy. Moe, another last beer, please.
Guys, keep it down. I got some last words. I never told you this before, but sometimes when I’m at work, I think of you and smile. So often I think that … oh, words won’t do it. I love you, Moe.
Please, not in public.
You better be dyin’!
I love you, Barney.
Oh, how European.
Come on, Barney, I gotta get home.
Faster, Barney, faster.
I’m twirling as fast as I can.
Oh, I can’t wait any longer. Hold on, Marge. I’m comin’ home, baby.
Oh, where can he be?
There’s no time to explain.
Love you. Love you. Love you.
I wrote a poem for you this afternoon, Homer. It’s called, “To A Husband.”
Ahem. “The blackened clouds are forming …”
Oh, gimme a break, Marge.
“… Soon the rain will fall / My dear one is departing/ But first please heed this call / That always will I love you / My one, my love, my all.”
That was beautiful.
Goodbye, Maggie – stay as sweet as you are.
Goodbye, Lisa – I know you’ll make me proud.
Goodbye, Bart – I like your sheets.
“The Good Book…”
” … on tape… “
“Oooo, as read by Larry King.”
Hi, I’m Larry King. “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void…
“Eleazar begat Phinehas, Phinehas begat Abishua. And Abishua
…begat Ahimaaz. Ahimaaz begat
And Amariah onward, and Amariah begat Ahitub. And Ahitub begat
Shallum begat Hilkiah, and Hilkiah begat Azariah. And he shall turn the heart of the Fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their Fathers, less I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Well, that’s it. Oh, friend Duke Zeevers standing by. We’ll get some coffee… we’ll get some matzo-ball soup. I love the San Antonio Spurs, by the way. If you’re bettin’ in the NBA this year, I think they’re going to win it all. So I guess there’s nothing more to say but…
Oh, Homer, Homer.
His drool! It’s warm! He’s alive! Homer, Homer, wake up, you’re alive!
All right. Stop it! Cut it out!
Wake up! You’re alive! You’re alive!
What are you talking about?
I’m alive! I’m alive. And I couldn’t be happier. From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest!
Strike, that’s two in a row… Let’s see that one again. Here it comes… excellent… Just about to go into the… My, my. Well if he makes this, he’ll be down by 40 pins. This match though is far from over though, as you know.
Yeah, it is far from over, but uh his approach has been wrong from the beginning as far as I’m concerned.
Well, he’s an erratic bowler, Chad. He tends to explode in the seven eight nine frame… Though I remember… in Boline, Illinois.
Actually that, actually that was Pontiac, Michigan.
Oh, thirty-eight pins going into the…
Well he’s stepping up now and he needs to get at least a spare…