Some Enchanted Evening

Now to our own pie in the sky Bill Pie in the KBBL trafficcopter

So come in, Bill

Bad news, drivers

There’s an overturned melon truck on the interstate

Oh, it’s a mess

There’s lots of rubber neck in gandmelon wrestling going on, so expect delays

Hey, doughnuts

Bart, there’s one left, and its mine

Oh

Aw, Homer

Aw, Dad

Uh oh, school bus

Cool your jets, man We’re comin’

You forgot the special lunches I made

That’s okay, Mom

We got money

Now, just a darn

Aah

Mmm

Oh

This is Bill Pie, your pie in the sky, saying goodbye

KBBL

Well, Maggie, it’s just you and me again

This is KBBL, KBabble, all talk, 24 hours a day

If you’d like to share your embarrassing problem with our audience, we invite you to call our therapist of the airwaves, Dr Marvin Monroe Our number is 555PAI N

Don’t be afraid

Call now

Hello I’d like to talk to Dr Monroe

First name, age, problem

I’m Marge, 34, and my problem is my husband

He doesn’t listen to me

He doesn’t appreciate me

I don’t know how much more of this I can

Save your whining for when you’re on the air, okay

Okay, let’s see

Next we have Marge

She’s 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage

Hey, turn it up I love hearing those wackos

Tell me ‘bout your husband, Marge

Well

When we were dating, he was sweeter and more romantic and 40 pounds thinner, and he had hair, and he ate with utensils

What was that last thing you said

Ah

Isn’t that your wife, Homer

Don’t be ridiculous

My wife worships the ground I walk on

Marge, it’s what I call “harsh reality time”

Your husband sees you as nothing

Oh Okay Well, thank you

No, no, no, don’t hang up

The pig has made you into his mother

You are not the hot love object you deserve to be

Really

I’m as sure as of it as I’m sure my voice is annoying

Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you’ve got to tell him you’re fed up, and if he doesn’t start loving, you will be leaving

Leave Homer

Don’t use his real name

Leave Pedro

Can you be that honest

Yeah

You’ll tell him right when he comes home from work

Yeah

Say it like you mean it

Yeah

Attagirl

Come on, Bart

Not again

Where’s your sense of humor

Moe’s Tavern

Hello Is Al there

Al

Yeah, Al Last name, Coholic

Lemme check

Phone call for Al, Al Coholic

Is there an Al Coholic here

Wait a minute Listen, you little yellowbellied rat jackass

If I ever find out who you are, I’ll kill ya

I hope you do find that punk someday, Moe

Fill ‘er up

Is everything okay

Usually you have a quick one, some peanuts, beef jerky, pickled eggs, and you’re outta here Let’s just say I don’t feel like goin’ home tonight jar, please

Hey, you can level with me

You got a domestic situation

You might say that

My wife’s gonna leave me ‘cause she thinks I’m a pig

Homer

What

Marge is right You are a pig You can ask anyone in this bar

What

Hey, Barney, am I a pig

You’re no more of a pig than I am

Oh, no

See You’re a pig

Barney’s a pig Lary’s a pig

We’re all pigs

Except for one difference

Once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop, hose ourselves off and act like human beings

Homer, buy your wife some flowers and take her out for a night on the town

Candles, table cloth, the whole nine yards

Gee, a romantic evening

Nah, she’s too smart to fall for that

I’m not done

After dinner, the two of you are going to check into the fanciest motel in town and not check out until the next morning, if you get my drift

I read you loud and clear

Heh, heh, heh, heh

Wow, a quarter past 6:00

What’s keeping Dad

Yeah, who’d possibly be late on meatloaf night

Uh, I’d like some flowers

What kind of flowers

You know, pretty ones, not dead

We have some beautiful longstem roses

They’re $55 a dozen

One, please

Hey, Mom

How ‘bout some grub

Aaah

Your husband sees you as nothing, as nothing

The pig has made you into his mother, his mother

You are not the hot love object you deserve to be, deserve to be, deserve to be

If he doesn’t start loving, leave him, leave him, leave him, leave him

Marge, I, uh love you

No, that’s not good

Marge, honey, I love you

Oh Um

Marge, I love ya, baby

Marge, sweetie,”hooney,” honey

Ah, this’ll never work

I love you, Marjorie

Oh, Homer

I love you too

Mmmwha

A little predinner entertainment

Moe’s Tavern

Is Oliver there

Who

Oliver Klozoff

Hold on I’ll check Oliver Klozoff

Call for Oliver Klozoff

And I made reservations at the Chez Paree

But, Homer, it’s so expensive

It matters not, mon frere

And after desserts, we’ll adjourn to our second floor room at the Offramp lnn

Oh, Homer I feel giddy

Wait What about a babysitter

Oops

Not to worry

Listen, ya lousy bum If I ever get a hold of you, I’ll cut your belly open

Goodness

Must be a crossed wire

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service

This is Marge Simpson

I’d like a babysitter for the evening

Wait a minute

The Simpsons

Lady, you’ve gotta be kidding

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service

Hello This is Mr SSampson

Did your wife just call a second ago

No, I said Sampson, not Simpson

Thank God

Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages

Especially that bigape father

Doh

Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours, and we’ve found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family

Mom, you look so glamorous

Well, tonight is a very special night

Your father is taking me out for dinner and dancing

Dad dances

Like an angel

Ba, ba

Baba, baba, baba baba, ba, ba

Ba, ba, ba, baba

Baba, baba, ba, ba ba, ba, baba

Work that body, Homer

You know, one day you’ll learn to move like your old man

Not if I can help it

Son, there’s not a woman alive who can resist a man who knows how to mambo

You don’t have a clue, do you, Dad

Out, boy

Out

What a grump

Hm Hm

Hmm Hm, hm

Hmm Hee

Smooth as a baby’s behind

Ba, ba, baba, baba baba, baba, ba, ba

Precious, I think I hear the doorbell

I think you’re right, dumplin’

Bart Get the door

Aye, aye, mambo man

Oof

Ba, ba, baba, baba baba, ba, ba

You must be the babysitter

Yes I am Miss Botz just don’t stand there, boy

Help Miss Botz with her suitcases

I can handle my own luggage

Thank you for coming on such short notice

Here are the phone numbers of the restaurant where we’ll be dining and the motel where we’ll be spending the night

You’ll have to put Maggie to bed now, but Bart and Lisa can stay up for another hour

Until then, they can watch a tape from our video library

Oh, boy The Happy Little Elves Meet the Curious Bear Cub

Oh, the Elves The Elves

Bye, kids

Watch out for the boy

Mmmwha Bye, now

Mmmwha Be good

Mmmwha Gotta go

Ba, ba

Ba, ba, baba, baba baba, ba, ba

Come, children

Let’s go watch The Happy Little Elves

We’ve seen the Crappy Little Elves about 14 billion times

Maybe we can watch some real TV

We’re gonna watch the tape

Aw That’s merely suggested viewing matter, lady

Mom lets us watch what ever we want

I said you’re gonna watch this tape

And you’re gonna do what I say, or I’m gonna do something to you

And I don’t know what that is, because everybody has always done what I say

They all look so tasty, but I think I’ll eat this one right there

Why don’t you pick one that’s a little more frisky, sir

Why

Well, when you choose one that’s floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster

Oh, okay Then I’ll take that one there with the beady eyes

Excellent choice, sir

May I lead you to your table

Oui, oui After you

And I’ll be seeing you later

Help Help

Faster, faster

We gotta save Bubbles

Oh, man, I can’t take it anymore

But I want to see what happens

You know what happens

They find Captain Kook’s treasure

All the elves dance around like idiots

I puke

Bart, you’re just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love

Now for some real TV

All right America’s Most Armed and Dangerous

Oh, no Bart

We’ll have nightmares

Relax This is cinema verite

When the brutal, slowmotion killing starts, I’ll tell you to shut your eyes

The Cue Ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dangerous

If you think you’ve seen him, call I 800USQUEAL

Homer, you look just like a little boy

‘Cause I’m so care free

No, because you’re wearing a bib

More champagne

Mmm

Whoops Time for a fillup

Garcon Another bottle of your second least expensive champagne

The defenseless youngsters were tied up and gagged in the living room while the bandit roamed through the house at will, stealing the valuable objects it took the family a lifetime to shop for

You know, Marge, this is just like when we were dating

Except for one thing no chaperone

Ho, ho, hoo

The Babysitter Bandit has left a trail of her daring nighttime robberies across the continental United States

She could be lurking anywhere, about to descend upon another house full of unsuspecting dupes Eee

Wow

In a moment, we will show you a picture of the real Babysitter Bandit, Miss Lucille Botzcowski

Remember, she may be using a clever alias

Botz

And should be considered armed and dangerous

Aaah

Aaah

Aaah

Aaah

Run for it

Oh, no

Don’t forget to tell me when you see the Offramp

Oh, thereit went

No problemo

We’ll just get off at the next exit

Bart

Bart

Bart Bart

Hmm

Time to brush your teeth, wash your face and say your prayers

Are you in here

Oh Homemade pickled beets

Go ahead Take ‘em all

Seeing as no one was hurt, I think it would be really silly to dwell on this

Come on Come on

Finally

Hello, vigilant viewer

You have reached America’s Most Armed and Dangerous

I’m calling to report the Babysitter Bandit

She’s in our house right

Come on, Marge

Let me carry you over the threshold

Okay, but watch out

Don’t slam my head like last time

Sheesh Eleven years ago, and you’ve never forgotten it

Don’t muss my hair

Ohh Oh Oh

Yi Oh Yeow

Yi Oh Yeow

Whee This is fun

We know who you are, Miss Botz

Or should I say Miss Botzcowski

You’re the Babysitter Bandit

You’re a smart, young man, Bart

I hope you’re smart enough to keep your mouth shut

He isn’t

You’re crazy if you think you’re gonna get away with this

You can’t

I’m really not a bad person

Here While I finish up, you guys can watch the rest of your favorite videocassette

Quiet, Bart

Let’s make the best of this

Maybe I’ll go slip into something a little more comfortable

Oh Your blue thing with the things

You’ll see

Well, shake a leg, mama

Kidstuff

Hardly worth it

Lotta junk

Soileds

Stupid Sampsons

Maggie Maggie

Come here

Goodbye

Goodbye, everybody

Bye

Yea

Maggie, wanna watch The Happy Little Elves again

Okay, but you have to untie me first

Oh, Homer

Oh, ho, ho, ho

Oh, so you got out of your crib

I guess you need to be tied up too

Maggie, where are you

Maggie Maggie

Heh, heh, heh

Homer, would it spoil the mood if I called home, you know, just to check on the kids

Homer, wake up

There’s no answer at home

So

So I’m worried I think we should go home

All right

I suppose my work here is done

Heh, heh, heh, heh

Hello, vigilant viewer

How may we help you

We caught her

We caught the Babysitter Bandit

She’s tied up at our house

Ask if there’s a reward

Is there a reward

If she’s convicted, we get Tshirts

Yeah

How come all the lights are on

I don’t like the looks of this

Miss Botz

Good Lord

What have those little hellions done now

We’re so sorry

We’re so sorry

Please turn off the TV

I can’t tell you how chagrined we are about all of this

Oh, these things are heavy

Just so there’s no hard feelings, here’s double your pay

No, no, triple

Thank you

Mr Sampson, can I give you a bit of advice

Sure

Don’t turn your back on that boy for a second

Ain’t that the truth

You know, one time he

Huh

This way to the scene of the crime, men I got her tied up in the den

Just a minute, young man

I don’t know what kind of shenanigans you’ve been pulling this time, but I just had to untie your babysitter and pay her off so that

Excuse me

Are you saying to the world that you just aided and abetted the escape of the notorious Babysitter Bandit

The what

The Babysitter Bandit

Oh, uh, aare you sure this microphone works

Uh, well, I wouldn’t say I aided her

This is on, right

Because actually it was quite a struggle

Oh, Homer

Have you ever seen a kung fu movie It was just like that

But now I know her moves

So, if you’re listening to me, lady, you’d better think long and hard before tying something like this on Homer Simpson again

Lord, help me I’m just not that bright

Oh, Homer, don’t say that

The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right

Yeah

Yeah

Mmmmwha

Honey, can we make up again

o god