good_croc_bad_croc

hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda

Raised in a noodle shop

Never seeking glory or fame

He climbed the mountaintop

and earned the “Dragon Warrior” name

Kung Fu Panda

Master “Shifu” saw the warrior blossom

And master the skills of Bodacious and Awesome

Kung Fu Panda

He lives, and he trains

And he fights with the Furious Five

Protect the valley

Legends of Awesomeness

Sweet

What’s that, Monkey

Mantis, shh

Joy luck buzzer

I’m going to zap Tigress with it

Sure, ‘cause

How could that go wrong

I know, right

Tigress, my most trusted and loyal friend

Joy luck buzzer

How did you know

Come on, Monkey What fool would fall for that

Hey, everybody

All: Hey

Po, my most trusted and loyal friend

Monkey

My most annoying friend

Oh, Po, you are so gullible

You can’t talk to the Dragon Warrior that way, right

Up high, good sir

Thanks, Monkey

Sorry

Ha, that’s okay, Monkey

Gullible

Gullible

I’m not gullible

They’re gullible if they think I’m gullible

Yeah So there

Great

Uh, hello

Anybody hear me

Well played, hole

Well played

Sneak attack

Oh, come on, you

I almost got it

Oh, darn

Uh, hello

Anybody there

Grab ahold of the rope, and I’ll pull you out

Oh, just a little bit

Just keep pulling

It’s almost there

Oh I’m stuck on the ridge

Man, you are not small

I prefer the term husky capable

Croc bandit

Dragon Warrior

Oh, guy, what are you doing

Did I, like, punch you in the face or something

No I got you out of a hole

Yeah, so you could rob me, croc bandit

Why do people always

Look, I’m not just a bandit, okay

I’m also a son, a friend, an amateur arsonist,

and I have an herb garden with, like, stuff in it

So whoa

Yeah, you did help me

Sorry

Ah, it’s all right Forget about it

Hey, name’s Fung

And you’re welcome, Dragon Warrior

Thanks, I owe you one

Trusted a croc bandit

Uh, yeah

I mean, I didn’t have much of a choice

Although, I was this close to outsmarting that hole

If he showed up here, I’d

Ha That’s nothing I’d

What about you, Po

I’d

Answer the door

Brave

Fung

Whoa You live here

Is your dad, like, rich or something

There must be, like, 100 bathrooms in here

I mean, that flooring, that stuff’s not cheap

It’s like totally custom Look at that

Po, who’s there

Fung, it’s the furious five

If they find you, you’re dead meat

Hmm

What are you doing here

I need your help

Help you I can’t do that

You’re a bandit A bad guy

You know, steal things

Why in the world would I help you

You owe me one

But

Hey, your words, guy

You owe me one

I mean, unless, like, the Dragon Warrior’s word

doesn’t mean anything

O kay

What

My brother was kidnapped by Jong ngng Jai Kai Chow

Sung Jong Jai Kai Chow

Jong Sung Jai Kai Chow

Sung Jong Jai Kai Chow

Jong Sung

Jai Kai

Chow

If I don’t rescue him soon, he’s a goner

It’s true, guy You gotta believe me

See my brother was taking some of his croclets

on a hike in the southern region of the Valley of Peace

He’s, like, totally into nature and junk

He must’ve accidentally strayed onto Jong Sung

Jai Kai

Chow’s land because

Before you know it, his bloodthirsty guards

konked him on the head

And dragged him off, never to return

Now do you believe me, guy

Maybe

Why can’t you ask your gang to help you

What

Gol

Come on, face it They’re nitwits

I need help Professional help

I need Dragon Warrior help

I don’t know, Fung

I got nowhere else to go

My brother

Is lost and alone and locked up

And

You have to trust me, Po

I my brother

He needs you Please

Will you help me Dragon Warrior

Okay

I can’t thank you enough for helping me get my brother, Po

Happy to oh

Yeah, I’m happy to Ah ha ho

I’m happy to Arrgh

I’m happy to help Oof

What

Why’d we stop

What No um, no reason

I was just, you know, getting my bearings and stuff

And, um, is that north

You don’t know where we are

Here, check the map

This is all of China

Uh, yeah

My brother’s In here somewhere

So just, you know

I’m out here risking my neck for you,

and you don’t even know where we’re going

Wow, this is weird

I’ve never been the guy yelling at the other guy

after the bad thing happens

Yeah, well, don’t get use

“Jong Sung Jai Kai Chow’s land”

No trespassing

Anyone caught will have their heads boiled with cabbage

and their earlobes stretched around their heads

“and continued”

Continued

Oh Continued

“And their earlobes stretched around their heads

See diagram”

Eww

At least we found Jong’s land

Yes, you did

Prepare to have your heads boiled with cabbage

You earlobes Yeah, we read the sign

Look

Hey, feel free to jump in anytime

But you’re doing really great

Fung Look out

That was, like, awesome, guy

I knew I couldn’t do this without the Dragon Warrior

I got your back, Fung

But when I agreed to help you, I didn’t realize I’d be doing

all the, you know, dangerous stuff

Gol

Hey, guy, if you’re not happy with how I’m running things,

maybe you’d like to be in charge

You know, there’s a lot of pressure being the leader, Po

You know, because, like, when you lead,

you have to, like, stand in front of everybody and point

with your finger, and it, like

You really have to Do things like

If you point, right

If you just point at one thing, like, people are looking

straight at you, and you have to make sure

that your pointing is believ

Listen, it’s just hard, okay

Who am I kidding All I do is make mistakes

Come on, that’s not true

It is

This one time when I was working for my dad,

I accidentally glued a terra cotta warrior to his face,

and now he can only grow a mustache on one side

I had to become a bandit

It’s the only thing I’m good at

So you’re good at it

Not really

Hey, don’t get so down on yourself

I mean, look at me You found me in a hole

True

Don’t you hate it when you mess up

Yeah And you have spend all your free time trying to fix it

Yeah Totally

And then, like, you have to, like,

bury somebody up to their neck

Yeah

Or at least clean up the mess

It’s the same thing

And me becoming the Dragon Warrior

was all because of my mistakes

I made so many mistakes that Shifu actually tried

to drum me out of the Jade Palace

Really

Yeah

Loser

Ha ha, good for nothing

Dufus

Lame brain

Dimwit, panda

Moron alligator

Crocodile I’m a crocodile

Totally different snout

Oh, okay, I’m sorry

The palace We did it

See I told you we’d find it

So, fearless leader, what’s your ingenious plan

Right, check it out, okay

First of all,

I distract this guy over here

Cool What do I do

Okay, then you overpower these guards here and here

After that, you shimmy up this wall,

take out the archers here, here, here, and here

After you disable the giant crossbow somewhere around here,

you sneak into the palace and open this side door here

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, guy

Yeah

Exactly what will you be doing while I’m doing all of this, uh,

other stuff

Um watching the Master work

Ha

That was, like, truly an incredible display of

You want the Dragon Warrior You got the Dragon Warrior

This is never gonna work

No one’s gonna believe that I’m a guard and you’re a prisoner

Not with that attitude

Make it look good Hit me or something

Hey, quit hitting me, guard

Just doing my guard job

Look, that must be where they’re holding my brother

‘Sup, guys’

Got a trespasser here, but I was all out of cabbage

Water So I brought him here

You shouldn’t be back here with a prisoner

Where’s your uniform

Yeah I had wee bit of a chafing issue,

so I, uh

Teach you to be a fashion critic

Hand me one of those crates I’ll sneak my bro out in it

Your brother’s gonna fit in here

It’s a gland thing

I’ll go in while you keep a lookout

Ooh

Let’s go

Which way, this way

Intruders Close the gate

Ooh Pardon

Go, Fung, go I got it

Tail Tail

They’re getting away After them

Open the gate

You and your brother better get outta here, Fung

I couldn’t have done it without you

Thanks, Po

Sure thing, loser

Sucker

Dragon Warrior, freeing the croc

He didn’t knock just broke the lock

Oh, what a shock to Jong Sung Jai Kai Chow

What

Maybe you can shed some light on this

These guards are from Jong’s palace

They say you broke in earlier today

With a crocodile bandit

You bet I did, and I’d do it again,

because I’m the Dragon Warrior, free

Hey

You’re coming with us for the kidnapping of Jong’s son

His n, N

Wait a minute, I wasn’t kidnapping

I was un-kidnapping Fung’s brother

Fung has no brother

The person you snuck out of the palace was Jong’s son

What

I’m sorry, Po

You must go back and face these charges

But this isn’t right I

Noooo

Where’s my son

I’d tell you if I knew, but I don’t

You gotta believe me

This is all a big misunderstanding

Good news, my friend

The cabbage is almost ready

Great Serve it up, ‘cause I am star

Oh

You mean the cabbage for the head boilage

Second thought, I’m good

You dare break into my palace

and steal my son

But you don’t understand It wasn’t me

It was a croc bandit

Oh, so he overpowered my guards

Um, no, technically that was me

Oh, so he defeated my archers and disabled my catapult

Yeah, also me, but

There was a context

Oh, my friend, I saw with my own eyes

you helped your fellow bandit escape with my boy

I see your point s

But I’m the Dragon Warrior

I wouldn’t knowingly take your son

Got anyone to back you up on that story

Well, I No

Not here

Fung sorta left me in the lurch

Yeah, I got no one

I’m beginning to think you are not my friend, my friend

Hey Let me out It’s bouncy, stop it Oh

Intruders

What

Hey, quit it It’s me Fung

What’s the matter with Ow

Gary

Uh, sorry

Got caught up in the moment

And it’s gah-ri

That Jong’s gonna pay a fortune to get his kid back

So the Dragon Warrior fell in the hole

Guys, I mean, it all went down just like I said it would

And now he’s gonna take the fall for the whole caper

I heard that Jong’s men arrested him

They did

He’s the whole reason I was able to do this

I mean, he fought off the guards,

he snuck me in

He held the gate so I could get out,

now he’s probably Oh, man

Having his head boiled with cabbage

and earlobes stretched around his head and

Continued

And it’s all because of Fung

Way to go, Fung

You’re making a mistake

Relax, my friend, I’ve decided to dispense

with the boiling cabbage water

Oh, great, ‘cause I

Cabbage water is too good for you

Bring in the devices

I’ll even let you pick the method of your torture,

my friend

Uh, not crazy about that one

No, no Keep it moving

Uh, that one

Excellent choice

What exactly does that thing do

I can’t wait to find out

Wait

There’s something you should know

What’s that, my friend

This Agh

Man, in my head that was gonna be so much cooler

Now, where were we

Wait

Again, it wasn’t my idea It was

This mysterious crocodile bandit you spoke of

Yes, I know And where is he now, exactly

Probably a million miles away, sucking on a coconut

with a little umbrella sticking out of it

Darn it

Actually, I’m allergic to coconuts

Fung

Po

You tricked me

I trusted you

And you left me to get feather thingy

attached to the scary, weird thinged

Not cool

But I came back to save you

There’s nothing you can do or say that would make me

believe that

How ‘bout bringing the kid back

Papa

You okay, my friend

Yes, papa

Fung

You came back for me

Course I did

You helped me, I help you

We losers gotta stick together

Yeah, it’s actually a good way to win

Hey Hey, right here

I’m the guy you’re looking for

It was me, not Po

Let him go

Seize them

Wait a minute, what

I didn’t say I was staying

Now those idiots will pay for what they have done

Oh, God

Down here

Come on We got outta here once

What’s up, guys

Huh

Close the gate

Archers, fire

Catapult

Very impressive, my friends

But what you failed to realize is

Did they Did they follow us

I don’t think so

We

We made it

Uh, I gotta go explain to the guys what happened,

so if you wanna beat me up some more,

now’s the time

Nah I think I got that out of my system

The guys are gonna have to wait

First, I gotta take you to jail

What

Oh, no Why

Well, you did sorta take a kid and then try to pin it on me

Guess you got a point there

Okay, Dragon Warrior Come and get me

Nice working with you, Po

Take ‘er easy

So, hole, we meet again