hometown_hero

Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda

Raised in a noodle shop

Never seeking glory or fame

He climbed the mountaintop and earned the “Dragon Warrior” name

Kung Fu Panda

Master “Shifu” saw the warrior blossom

And master the skills of Bodacious and Awesome

Kung Fu Panda

He lives, and he trains

And he fights with the Furious Five

Protect the valley

Kung Fu Panda

Legends of Awesomeness

Sweet

Yoga begins by centering your energy

Gah

Only then can you allow the Chi to flow

in, down, and back out

Breathing is key

Breathe

How’s this

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

I feel like I’m breathing too much

Passing out

That was awesome

I do feel at peace

Master Shifu

There’s an urgent message for Mantis

What does it say

It says: “Need your help

Urgent

Hao Ming”

Hao Ming

What’s a Hao Ming

She’s the most beautiful mantis in the world

And my ex-fiancé

Wait, what

You were gonna get married

Yeah

But it didn’t work out

She must be in trouble

I need to go back to my village

We’ll go with you

Uh, hmm

You know what

That’s okay

My village doesn’t really like snakes

Sorry, or tigers

Or monkeys or cranes

It’s a really small town

What about me

Can

No

I

No

Please

No

You don’t even know what I’m going to say

You want to come

Love to

Really it’s best if I go alone

Huh

That’s weird

I mean, who wouldn’t wanna bring the Dragon Warrior back to their hometown with them

Po, follow Mantis

in case he needs back up

Ooh, Dragon Warrior stealth mode

Quiet like a cat

Heh, see

Quiet

Bye

Hmm

Wait Huh

Whoosh

Hmm

Stealth mode Dragon Warrior

mental stealth log, entry one

I’ve been following Mantis for a day and a half now

And he has no idea

Po

Oh

Hey, Mantis

What is

I was

Hey, what are you doing all the way out here

Talk

Shifu wanted me to follow you

Guess he thought something was up

What

“Up”

Hey, that

That’s crazy

Let’s just go back to the jade palace and forget about the whole thing

But we’re almost there

I wanna see where you grew up

Yeah, um, how ‘bout you wait here

And, uh, keep an eye out

And I’ll go see what’s happening

Come on, then I’ll come back and get you

What do you say, buddy

But we’re already here

Uh

Po, listen

There’s something I need to tell you

See, a couple years ago,

Hao Ming left me crouching at the altar

Did she forget something

My heart

No

Your teeny, tiny little heart

I was out of my mind

Teeny, tiny little mind

I was mad and I wanted her to regret it, so I told a lie

A teeny, tiny little

I get it

I’m small

I don’t like that some lady broke your heart, even if it is tiny

Thanks, Po

You’re a real friend

That’s, why I gotta tell you something

Oh It’s the Dragon Warrior

The Dragon Warrior is here

Aww, you told people I was coming

All: Long live the Dragon Warrior

Long live the Dragon Warrior

Mantis

Long live the Dragon Warrior

Long live the Dragon Warrior

Thank you, fans

It’s great to be back home

Let us now celebrate his triumphant return

with the jig of happy

The jig of happy

so, buddy, anything you wanna fill me in on

Anything at all that maybe I should know about

This ringin’ any bells

Okay, okay

I-I wanted to seem like a big shot

so I could burn my ex-girlfriend for dumping me, so I told everyone I was the Dragon Warrior

What

There she is

She definitely knows how to move her pointy dealies

Look, don’t worry, all right

I’ll tell everyone as soon as they’re done

Even if she sees I’m a total fraud, a loser

Or you could just keep on being the Dragon Warrior

What but

It’s okay

As your friend, I give you permission to be me

And to rub her tiny little no I in it

Oh, that would be really, really great

Uh, but wait, if I’m the Dragon Warrior, who are you

I could be your sidekick

Great

There’s just one problem

My awesomeness

Hmm, I have to find a way to hide my natural bodacity

I need a costume and props

Yeah, yeah, a whole sidekick persona

Mantis

Join us, Dragon Warrior

Please welcome the Dragon Warrior and his sidekick

Oh, this eye patch is gonna take some getting used to

Greetings, all

Thought I’d add some weird noises to the sidekick thing for a little flavor

So nice to see you again, Dragon Warrior

Oh, hello, miss

Hao

Hao Yes

I think I got one of your urgent messages

I was in a pile of urgent messages

Mm, it was an urgent message,

but it was more about me urgently missing you

Ooh

There’s an empty seat next to mine, Dragon Warrior

I suppose, as long as there’s nothing blocking me

if I have to be awesome

So, Po, being the Dragon Warrior’s sidekick,

you must be a bit of a Kung Fu Master yourself, eh

Uh, me

No way

I’m hopeless with that stuff

I leave it up to the awesome Dragon Warrior, yeah

I wouldn’t know a “nun” from a “chuk”

So, how did you come to be the Dragon Warrior’s sidekick

Uh, uh, yeah

Uh, how did that happen

Uh, well, uh, the Dragon Warrior, who is totally amazing, saved my life

See, I used to be a dirt-poor farmer of Dirt

And one day I was digging in,

you know, dirt

And I woke a sleeping dirt, No, I mean, Rock monster

Not knowing any Kung Fu myself,

I figured I was done for, when suddenly, out of nowhere, the awesomely bodacious Dragon Warrior appeared

Awesomely

From the ground where I lay helpless, I was able to view the most phenomenal display of Dragon Warrior skills ever seen by panda eyes

It was so awesome,

one of my eyes actually closed forever

Legend has it that it never again wanted to look upon something that wasn’t as awesome as the Dragon Warrior himself I begged him to let me be his sidekick,

and even though I wasn’t qualified, he let me hang around

His life really turned around after you

He’s got lady friends out the wazoo now

Guess you missed the boat, lady

It’s true

I have always regretted leaving you

You were the most

I love you, too

Ooh, burn, take that

Wait, what

I’ve never forgotten you either

Yes, you did, you completely forgot her

Hao who

No, I didn’t

Shh, you’re blowing it

Stop saying frou frou stuff, ‘cause she’s totally not regretting it

Yeah, frou frou

Hao

Will you have this humble hero as your boyfriend

Yes

Liar

Fraud

You’re no hero

I can explain

You say you’re the Dragon Warrior, but really you’re

A girlfriend thief

Ooh

You took my lady

And you will pay for it

Hao, who’s this old guy

Uh, that’s my ex-fiancé

When did you break up

2 hours and 17 minutes ago

Because of you, Dragon Warrior

Because I realized the truth of me loving you

Because you’re the Dragon Warrior

Not true

I love Mantis for who he is

Oh

You’re going to be so sorry

Who are you, little guy

I’m Sai So, Dosu’s sidekick

Oh, wow, the whistling

Nice touch

I’m stuck with this big loud thing

We challenge you and your sidekick to a fight so we know who the real hero is

Tomorrow, noon, the town square

Don’t be late

Oh, we’ll be there

See ya, suckers

They seem nice

Mantis

What an amazing nose you have, Po

Beautiful

Uh

You okay

Am I okay

Yes

I’m fantastic

The Dragon Warrior thing worked

She likes me, Po

She’s crazy about me

And I’m, I’m in love

That wasn’t supposed to happen

I know

Better save that kicking for the fight

Oh, right

The fight, I forgot all about that

Hao and I made plans to lie on the grass and look up at the clouds

and say they look like bunnies and elephants and stuff

I can’t fight those guys, Mantis

If I start fighting them, they’ll see I’m actually good

So good that they’ll figure out that I’m the Dragon Warrior

And Hao will know you are not

No No Oh

That can’t happen, Po

That can’t happen

I’m in love

I’m in love

Po, you cannot fight those guys

I’ll be there

Uh, noon

Heh, I’m sure he’ll be here

Probably got caught up doing something awesome

Yeah

I wish I could help,

but it’s not like beating up a helpless half-blind guy with a bum leg is really gonna quench your

Okay

watch the face

The butt is better

I don’t eat with it

Tell the Dragon Warrior we’ll be back here at 2:00

He better show up if he knows what’s good for him

And you too

Ooh, Po

Oh, man, what happened

There was a fight at noon

Oh Gah

I’m so sorry, Po

I’m a little goofy on love

There was this one cloud and it

It just had this sort of

Mantis

Sorry

Well, are you okay

Nothing hurt but my pride

And a couple of ribs, and I’ve lost the feeling in two fingers, but

You can do me a solid by kicking those guys’ butts at 2:00

And that’s just what I’m gonna do

Right after Hao takes me to meet her parents

What

I know

Isn’t it great

Do you know how many girls have taken me to meet their parents

None

Less

I am really making progress

And I owe it all to you

I’m happy for you, Mantis

But I’m serious, man, you need to be there at 2:00

You can counton me, pal

But don’t fight them

Uh pretty sure he’s just a couple of blocks away

‘Cause the Dragon Warrior’s work is never

I can do 6:00

Po

Oh, is it 6:00 already

It’s 9:00

Oh, hey, you actually look like you need that crutch now

I do need this crutch now

And listen to this

Bones aren’t supposed to sound like that, Mantis

Uh, I’m sorry

Look, next time

There’s not gonna be a next time

You’re a disgrace to the Dragon Warrior name

Po

Don’t “Po” me, Mantis

The Dragon Warrior’s supposed to be there for those who need him, not just think about himself

As soon as my sight comes back, I’m leaving

What What No

No, p-please, not now

Because

Because Hao and I are getting married

Wha

Isn’t it great

I’m gonna marry the girl of my dreams

Marriage

That means

Together forever

Mantis, are you out of your mind

You were just gonna make her a little jealous

and then skedaddle

They need us in the valley of peace

I’m the

Shh

Dragon warrior

This is all a lie

And a great idea

Thanks

I’ll tell her the truth eventually

Shouldn’t be more than a few years

Mantis, you are not the Dragon Warrior

Oh, you and your labels

This is bigger than that

Love, Po

Love

It’s all around us, baby

All the kings and queens with all the riches in the world

are nothing without love

And I’ve got it

Po, I’ve got it right here in my little claw

How can you not be there for me when I need you the most

All I’ve been is there for you

But when I needed you to be there for me, you were just there for you

And Hao

And I don’t mean “and how,”

I mean “and Hao,” like your girlfriend Hao

I got it

But Po

No more, Mantis

I’m going home

No, Po, don’t go

Try to help a guy out, and what does it get ya

Butt-kickings and a big mouthful of disappointment

And less teeth

And and nothingness

Let’s see that red mantis dude and his whistling buddy

take me on when I’m really trying

Say hello to the Dragon Warrior

Wait

How

Uh, you’re the Dragon Warrior

Not Mantis

Huh

Me

Ah, no

Ha, I’m too lame and husky to be him

Then how could you possibly do such amazing Kung Fu

Night classes

We have to tell Hao

She’s marrying a fraud

Sai So, let’s tear that Mantis apart

No, no, no

You’re making a mistake

Horg

It is a most thrilling and solemn occasion when a man and a woman decide to unite forever

Hao Ming

I have some interesting news for you about your dragon wa

Oh, my gosh, so sorry, how embarrassing

Sorry to be late, oh, mighty Dragon Warrior

Keep going

Right

Before we begin, does anyone have a jig of objection they

Skip that part

Um, the reading of poetry

Skip it

That guy is not the dragon war

Dragon warrior, you may now say your vows

Uh, I wrote these myself

Remember when I was four and you were three

Fraud

Speed it up, Mantis

Remember when I was 16 and you were 15

Faster

Promise to love, honor, and respect

Hao, that guy is lying

Weddings always make me cry

Let’s just hold each other for a minute

Lying

Hao, would you like to say your vows

My dearest Dragon Warrior, since the day I first heard there was a Dragon Warrior,

I knew I wanted to be Mrs Dragon Warrior

Dragon warrior, Dragon Warrior

Dragon warrior

No

And

Get off my friend

Mantis is not the Dragon Warrior

If he’s not the Dragon Warrior, then who is

This guy

What, me

The Dragon Warrior

Ridiculous

I can’t even walk

See

Stop

I can’t watch you do this, Po

It’s painful

Everyone, I am not the Dragon Warrior

What

The wedding is off

Not only am I not the Dragon Warrior,

I’m not worthy to be him

That guy is worthy

He’s my best friend

And he doesn’t care if I’m the Dragon Warrior

He took several beatings and humiliated himself even more than usual

Just so I could marry a woman who doesn’t even deserve me

I don’t deserve you

You don’t deserve me

Goodbye, Hao

Well, Dosu, looks like your lady’s back on the market

Good luck

Thank you, Dragon Warrior

Po, Po, you can’t walk like that

Get on my shoulders

It’s okay

I’ll carry you

I’ll be fine