rhino's_revenge

The valley of peace

A land cruelly beset by a thousand villains,

and yet tranquility reigns,

due to a single bodacious hero–

the Dragon Warrior

Who, in his eternal pursuit of justice,

never rests

You shall not have your way with me,

demon enchantress

Huh

Happy Dragon Warrior day

Oh, yeah

A whole day celebrating the Dragon Warrior

Which is great if you are the Dragon Warrior,

which, last time I checked, I am

We have something for you

Ooh, bean cake

You want the bean cake

You have to go through us

my two favorite things–

Food and kung fu

Here’s my fist

Sorry, didn’t have time to wrap it

Is this fun for you

Monkey said you would like it

Are you kidding

It’s awesome

Wing cramp

Guys, watch this

And that’s what makes me the Dragon Warrior

Po, the imperial sculptor

Is here to capture your magnificence

Cool

Wow, it’s really

Uh, where’s the head

I haven’t started

Ah-ha

Oh

So the head’s on the inside

I’m sort of new to art

Uh, look, and I’m just spitballing here,

But, uh, maybe we should do one with a bit more sizzle

Sizzle

Yeah, like this

A big dragon with flaming wings

Or I could do a wise, old turtle

With flaming wings

Or a tree

With flaming wings

Don’t see why not

I think it needs to be a little more

Without flaming wings

Oh

Oh, right Oh

Ooh

Oh, wait, no

That one has flaming wings

Ooh, sorry

I get the idea

Sweet

Well, I’m gonna go head down to the village, and, uh

What about your training, panda

But, master Shifu,

They’re, like, hanging streamers and stuff

For me

I have fans

Very well

But be back in time to train tonight

Whoa

Cool

Hey, everybody

Happy Dragon Warrior day

Hey, Po

Thanks for getting rid of Tai Lung

Hey there, Zhao

Did you wear that for me, mrs Yoon

Oh, Po

Yes

Ooh, hey, Po,

You want to see our kung fu routine

for the Dragon Warrior parade

Lay it on me

That was awesome

It was like music to my eyeballs

Dad

It’s me

Who’s there

Ooh

Oh, Po, my beloved son

Why did you scare me like that

Ow, Dad

What’s going on

Oh, I’m sorry, son

I’ve been on edge ever since that hideous rhino walked into town

Always sitting on the curb in front of the shop

He’s scaring away all my customers, Po

Let the Dragon Warrior take care of it

Hey, what’s up, friend

Whoa

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the

Whatever it is that rhinos sleep on

What would you know about anything

About the charred, burned insides of my hurt

Searing the seared rubble of my soul

You talk pretty

Look, maybe I can help you

Ah, Everything that I once loved

Was ripped away from me by an evil fiend

My job, my home, my family

were all scattered to the wind like dust and dirt,

and the wind is scattered

Who would do such a thing

The despicable snake

who stole my soul like an eclipsed moon of pain

The evil monster that made my life a living spanking,

who I hate with all my being is

the Dragon Warrior

Huh

Whoa, whoa

You hate the Dragon Warrior

Yes, and as soon as I find out who he is,

I’ll tell him to his ugly face

You mean you don’t know

No

That’s why I’m here

It’s Dragon Warrior day

He’s got to show up

Well, I bet you’d like him

Never

After what he did

What did he do

I mean, he may not even know he “dood” it

I was a guard at Chor Ghom prison

Right up front in the front line of defense against Tai Lung up front

After Tai Lung escaped,

he was defeated by that idiot, the Dragon Warrior

Because of him, we lost our only prisoner

Chor Ghom was shut down, closed, boarded up

Shut down

But that’s good, right

Closed

I mean, no more Tai Lung

You’re not even listening

No prisoner means no prison

No prison means no job

How can you not understand that

Sorry

I lost my job

Then my house, my wife, my kids,

Two close goat friends,

A pair of slippers from the hao jao region

All because of one guy’s huge ego

“Ooh, I’m the Dragon Warrior”

“I’ll destroy Tai Lung

Look at me

I’m awesome”

But if the Dragon Warrior hadn’t done something,

The whole valley of peace would have been destroyed

I don’t live in the Valley of peace

I’m talking about me

My needs

You sound just like my wife

Except she had a deeper voice

I used to be a warrior

Now I’m just a doughy guy

With really scaly, dry skin

I have nothing

The Dragon Warrior took it all away

I’m so sorry

Why

Dragon Warrior did it, not you

I mean, like, sorry sympathetic,

Not “sorry I’m the guy who ruined your life,”

Which I’m not

And I didn’t Do That

“Sorry” doesn’t get me a job

Doesn’t get my life back

You know what

I’m gonna help you get your life back

Let’s make a list

Then we just knock things off it as we go

Okay

House

Job

Two goat friends

They never liked me

Self-esteem

Stupid self-esteem

I hate you for not me having you

Anger issues

You’re gonna love working here

Dad

Who’s there

Uh, dad, this is Hundun

He’s your new waiter

Oh

Table five needs egg rolls

Ow

And you can stay here until you’re back on your feet

Did a small child live here

Cool stuff, right

Whoa

Uh, limited editions

Thanks, Po

I misjudged you

I thought you were just some dumb panda

He’s not just a dumb panda

He’s the dragon–

O’kay, good night

Uh, dad

Let’s not mention me being the Dragon Warrior to Hundun

I just want him to get to like me

As Po

Got you something

Slippers

From the Hao Jao region

Item number six

Skadoosh

Sorry

I can’t even sit down right

Dumb rhino

Stupid, idiotic dumbness

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

What are you beating yourself up for

It helps me

It’s the only thing that relieves my rampant anger

Yeah

Luckily, I have just the thing for unbridled rage

It’s a little thing I like to call kung fu training

Okay, so in kung fu,

The goal is to address your weakness,

Which, in your case, happens to be your temper

Liar

I have no weaknesses

Hey, hey, hey, everyone has weaknesses

Me, I can’t defend against the swirling lynx round kick

See what I mean

Completely defenseless

Yeah, but you’re just a panda

Even the masters have weaknesses

You’re just saying that because I’m pathetic

No, Every single one of the Furious Five has a weakness

Master Tigress, it’s the armpit

Grab Monkey’s tail, he’s a goner

Mantis, blind spot on the right

Viper, frontal attack

Crane, sweep the leg

Hey How come you know so much about the Furious Five

Uh, just aFan

Like you’re a fan of unbridled rage

Oh Yeah

Yeah

See

You got mad there

Let’s go again

Am I making you mad

Huh Huh Huh

Does that hurt

Doesn’t hurt, but it makes you mad, doesn’t it

Uh-huh, Yep

Making you mad

Uh-huh-huh

Am I Am I

Anger You’re too angry

Do it again

How about that

Am I making you mad, mr Ragey

Huh

You feel that

Hmm Do you see that

That’s that’s just like the rage that burns

And it’s coming up

And the background singers like

Ha Yeah

I feel powerful

Like a great sea eagle

soaring over the sea with my wing power

Like I could finally achieve my dreams

You are a true friend, Po

I owe you everything

Come here, you

That’s what friends do

They–they help each other,

and they tell each other everything

That’s why there’s something I need to tell you

That’s great, because I have a secret

that I could only tell you now, because you’re my friend

It’s my special dream,

And you made it possible, friend

That’s sweet

You go first

Okay

My special dream is

I’m going to destroy the Dragon Warrior

Now you go

Oh

Uh

My special dream was to have you meet the Dragon Warrior

and be friends

That’s a great idea

I could be friend him

Exactly

And then kill him

The Dragon Warrior festival starts in an hour,

And Po is nowhere to be seen

I need you to find him

Start with the dumpling carts

I’m not sure killing the Dragon Warrior’s a good idea

if you ever find out who he is

Aah Dragon Warrior day

Why not

My rage used to be like a rotting fish

Then you turned it into a blossom

Like a beautiful, death-dealing azalea

Me Uh, nah

You sure did

I used to just feel sorry for myself

Now I can actually kill someone

Thanks to you

It was nothing

Hey, Po

Yes, it was

No, it wasn’t

Hey

Are you trying to hide something from me

What

No

What–what could I possibly be hiding from you

Huh

I mean, I’m an open book

Huh

Uh, nothing to hide

Just a regular guy who helps his friends

Huh

I’m standing right behind me, aren’t I

You are the Dragon Warrior

You lied to me

But for good reason,

Because you hated the Dragon Warrior,

But he’s nice and I’m him,

So I was nice and you like me,

And I’m the Dragon Warrior

It’s less complicated than it sounds

You lied to make me your friend,

But instead you trained your assassin

Uh, interesting perspective

Now we fight

No way, Hundun

I don’t fight friends

We are friends, right

Yah

You can’t run, Dragon Warrior

I will find a way to make you fight me

In a fight

So we’re good

And then he threatened a kill me

There’s a rhino who wants you dead,

So you got him a job, a place to live,

And taught him how to kill you

Yeah

I meanYeah

Where is Hundun now

I don’t know

I mean, he said he was gonna make me fight him,

Which–how could he do that

Po Help me

Dad

Ha ha ha

Let him go, Hundun

Po

Po, help me

Eat at mr Ping’s noodle shop

Save me from certain demise

Everything half off before 5:00

So willing to fight me now, Dragon Warrior

This is between you and me

The only thing between you and me

Will be my fist, coming from me, punching you

Put my dad down, Hundun

I don’t want to hurt you

You’re the one who will feel the hurt

From my hurting you

No, Po

You taught him your weakness

We’ll handle this

No

Uh, guys

I forgot

I accidentally told him your weaknesses too

Blind spot

Front

Tail

Ankle

Oh

No

Only a coward would hide behind his friends

But there’s nowhere to hide now

You want me, not my dad

I don’t want this, Hundun

I still think of you as my friend

So let’s just stop now and call it even

You can’t beat me

I know your weakness, and you cured me of mine

Oh, did I

Yes, you did

Oh

Yeah Probably shouldn’t have done that

I, uh

They’re reenacting the battle between Po and Tai Lung for Dragon Warrior day

Oh

Admit it

You are defeated

There’s two schools of thought on that

One, and two

Dragon Warrior day

Stop Stop

You you you’re right, Po

It’s not all about me

I’ve been so selfish

I’m sorry

You are

Yes Forgive me

Friends

I even got you something for Dragon Warrior day

I think you’ll like it

A swirling lynx round kick

Your real weakness, Po, is not the kick

it’s your heart

It’s as big and sappy as an old sappy plum tree

Filled with plum sap

At least I have a heart

Huh

But all I’ve done is been kind,

And all you’ve done is blame me for your rotten life

And guess what

I love plum sap

How about that

I dodged the kick

I dodged the kick

Sweet

Not sure if you realize this,

But I just dodged all your swirling lynx round kicks

You know what your weakness is, Hundun

You stink at friendship

Flaming wings

Oh

Huh

My horn

My horn

It’s always something with this guy

Po, look, the statue

You saved me

Why

That’s what

The Dragon Warrior

Does

Oh, this is heavy

I don’t need your Help

So, Po, did you enjoy Dragon Warrior day

Yeah

Hey, not feeling bad that you exposed our weaknesses

To Hundun and put us in mortal danger

Uh

Of course

I feel terrible about that

I’m sorry, I put you guys in danger

It’s okay

Ah, don’t worry about it

It’s okay

But, hey, wasn’t it the best Dragon Warrior day ever

In the history of all time

Plus they reopened Chor Ghom prison, right

Hundun got his wish

Home again

Finally home

My revenge will be like a poison river

Of molten iron which drips and burns

Like iron that has been melted and now drips

And burns