the_princess_and_the_po

kung fo panda

Legends of awesomeness

Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda

Raised in a noodle shop

Never seeking glory or fame

He climbed the mountaintop

and earned the “Dragon Warrior” name

Kung Fu Panda

Master “Shifu” saw the warrior blossom

And master the skills of Bodacious and Awesome

Kung Fu Panda

He lives, and he trains

And he fights with the Furious Five

Protect the valley something, something, something, something alive

Kung Fu Panda

Legends of Awesomeness

Sweet.

Princess MeiLi’s peace mission Is of the utmost importance.

We can’t afford any mistakes, Po.

How come you never say, “We can’t afford any mistakes, Tigress” or.

Ooh, noodle rolls

You have to get princess MeiLi Safely to the king of the Qidon.

She may be only a child,but she is royalty.

So

She’s a kid princess.

Oh, man, I am perfect for this gig

‘Cause if there’s one thing I love, it’s kids.

And if there’s one thing that loves me, it’s

Also kids.

But she’s also a princess.

There’s a strict protocol.

Never make eye contact,

Always address her with deference,

And avoid touching unless absolutely necessary.

What if she wants to hug my sheer awesomeness?

Stop it

Do not touch the royal silks.

Kiss my feet

But wash them first.

Cute

How dare you keep me waiting?

I am a princess

If this happens again, I shall have you all beheaded.

Yeah

Behead everyone

Who’s with Insolent jiggly mess.

You broke my imperial staff

You broke it.

You dare accuse me of lying?

I want him executed

At once

Don’t you look at me.

Don’t you look at me

Don’t.

Your imperial highness,

This is the dragon warrior.

Nice to meet you, your highness.

I guess I need you, butterball.

So I won’t have you executed

Yet

Who said you could sit?

She’s feisty, huh?

I thought you said kids loved you.

It could happen.

She just needs a little encouragement.

Oh, you think I can’t do it?

There is no child that can resist the dragon warrior.

I’m like a sandbox in a black and white playground

Covered in fur.

I’ll bet you both a foot massage

That by the time we get to Qidon,

She’ll be eating out of my hand.

I’m in.

Me too.

You’ll see.

I’m the dragon warrior.

Kids love the dragon warrior.

Heh Watch this.

Oh, your highness

Hi, there, princess.

My name is mr Baby Po.

I made you a puppet.

Ooh

Okay, peasants, let’s get going.

Gentlemen, there it goes.

Loads of gold, jade, fabrics

Ooh, fabrics.

And gold.

Gentlemen and Gah Ri,

That brat with the crown is our next target.

Let’s go

Move it, Move it, Move it.

Your highness, it’s starting to rain.

You stupid clouds

You are going to be in so much trouble.

Faster.

Quit bouncing.

Carry me higher.

Slow down.

Well, Po, at least she likes your present.

Whoa

What?

Look out

She’s got fire poppers.

And the best part is, That’ll never, ever get annoying.

Hey, there, your high, uh, princessness.

Could you kind of, you know,

Quit chucking those things at my friends?

Appreciate it.

So anyway

Look what I found.

Mah Jong,

The most awesome tile based game ever.

Weiqi?

Liubo?

Si guo qi?

Come on

If you don’t like games, what do you like?

You and the princess buddies yet?

It’s a process.

Hey, your highness, want to hear a funny joke?

Guess not.

Princess

Yo, princess, up here

Yeah, kids love you.

Right.

I see it.

Why aren’t we there yet?

Make the ground move faster

Don’t you look at me

Now’s our chance to attack,

For it is the destiny of we the strong

To conquer they the weak

And, by dint of force, to take from them

That which they hold most precious.

Do I have time to pee?

No

Well, if you hurry.

Just

Do you think the princess likes clowns?

You don’t look like a clown, Po.

You look like a lady.

Stop

What is it?

I don’t know.

Something.

Hey

No one is allowed to yell “stop” but me.

Slap

I’ll have you beheaded.

I’ll have all of you beheaded

I’ll make you behead yourselves

Bandits

Looks like we’re going to do this the hard way.

You guys, take the tiger and the bug.

I’ll handle the clown.

See?

I do look like a clown.

I gotta pee again.

Pressure points.

Hope you don’t need that arm for the next couple days.

Darn it all

Not this time.

What are you doing

Stop fighting.

I want fried rice balls stuffed with sweet bean paste.

Oh, my gosh, I love those.

But we can’t stop fighting right now,

Your imperial highness, ma’am.

You dare touch the royal personage?

I am the princess MeiLi,

And I command you to give me fried rice balls.

Here.

Rice balls.

Now stay here.

You’ll be safe.

I don’t like these fried rice balls.

They need more bean paste.

In a minute

Now

More bean paste

Po

Get me down

Now stay there.

You’ll be safe.

Where is my red bean paste?

You want some of this?

That was close, huh?

Later, losers.

Get me down

Now

Ah

Get your hands off me.

They got everything, including all the food.

Nooooo

All that remains is a single jug of water.

My crown was dusty.

I’m thirsty.

And where is my bean paste for my fried rice balls?

You stink as a warrior

You’re supposed to protect me.

Yes, princess.

And you

I wouldn’t even use you for bait.

Yes, princess.

Leave them alone.

Puddle Belly

Ooh

My stuff is gone, and it’s all your fault.

My fault?

It’s my fault?

You wouldn’t stay in the tree.

You let the bandits get away.

You dumped out the last of our water.

And you picked on my friends.

Oh

How dare you?

I dare because when something’s wrong, it’s wrong.

I don’t care how royal highnessy you are.

You are mean, rotten, bossy, and bratty,

And nobody likes you.

Wow.

In my mind, that was cooler.

You spoke the truth, buddy.

Worst mistake of your life but appreciated.

Well, this trip has been fun.

We’ll camp here for the night.

Yeah, at least there’s lots of dirt to eat.

Oh, hello.

Didn’t see you there on this log.

So, hey, uh, since I’m here,

Let me tell you a story.

It’s made up.

It’s, like, you know,

One of those metaphorical, parableolical things

That’s, you know, made up.

I mean, it’s not based on anything realish.

So, anyway,

This Panda is taking this princess on a journey,

And even though he does everything he can

To keep her happy and safe,

Shshe’s just kind of…mean.

Like, really mean.

And I tried that is, the Panda tried hard

And told his friends that he could get you to like me.

I mean, her him her like him, not me.

Him he ah.

Anyway, he failed.

No, I failed.

So I kind of had to tell you the truth

Even though it’s not the best idea

In terms of, I don’t know, staying alive.

I was just trying.

And, well, the moral of the story is

Do you smell something burning?

You, you fixed it.

Is your foot okay?

Ugh, if you like medium rare.

You think I don’t know nobody likes me?

Some of them pretend to,

But it’s just because I’m a princess.

I never have any friends.

Not real friends, like you have,

Like the cricket

And that mean man with the stripes.

You have a friend now.

The puppet?

Duh

Me.

Really?

Yeah, why not?

As long as you don’t chop my head off.

How do I know you don’t just want something from me?

Are you kidding?

After that bandit attack, you don’t have anything.

Hmm.

It’s a deal.

So care to lose a game of mah Jongg?

I never lose.

And I go first, and

I mean, would you like to go first?

Why, thank you, princess.

You’re still going to lose.

Dream on.

For the rider

It’s princess style.

Easy, now.

Easy.

Ah, we’re going to hit that tree

Uh, is the princess laughing, or am I crazy?

I’m thinking both.

The Qidon.

We’re there.

Wow.

It looks

Smelly.

I was going to say “stanky,”

But I think we’re on the same page here.

Oh

We made it.

All right.

Go ahead and knock.

You think they have any fried rice balls Stuffed with bean paste?

That would be great.

It’s so nice that you’ve given her a little happiness

Before she becomes the Qidon king’s servant

For the rest of her life.

Well, I.

Did you say “servant”?

Of course.

It’s why we came here.

We were told this was a peace mission.

It is.

We’re giving MeiLi to the Qidon king

In exchange for peace.

A terrible and deadly war raged for decades

Between us and the Qidon.

It was only by the offer of a princess,

One who would shoulder the burden of her people

In tortuous labor, that the war was ended,

A difficult but unavoidable arrangement.

Every few years, the king is given a new princess,

For none of them last that long.

No

We’ve got to get her out of here.

Enter

Well, I’ve waited weeks to have my armor scrubbed By a royal servant.

Bring me the princess

My new servant.

What?

Once more, for clarity.

Give me the princess

All righty.

Here you go.

What?

Oh, uh, yes.

I am the princess.

My, my, princess.

Please, won’t you do

The ceremonial princess dancing song for me?

Uh, ceremonial dancing song?

Do the princess dancing song

Uh

Princess

Ceremony dan

Dance of the

Ceremony dance

Princess

Stop

Do you think I’m stupid?

A little.

Well, I’m not.

I’m also not patient

Hand her over now

I can’t. Sorry.

No way.

Can’t do it.

So be it.

These guys are tough.

Stop

Huh?

I won’t let you risk your lives for me.

King of the Qidon,

I, princess MeiLi, surrender myself to you.

What?

No

I have to, Po.

I accept this offering.

In exchange, I promise peace.

Right, let’s start with “get out”.

Put her in chains.

Wait

What is it?

Let’s make a deal.

I’ll fight any warrior you choose.

If I win, the princess returns home with us.

If I lose, you get her and me.

Mm

Pass.

Hang on

Hang on.

Don’t answer yet, ‘cause there’s more.

I will also throw in master Tigress

And wait for it today only,

Master mantis.

We’re doing what, now?

Why would I want to make a deal like this?

Come on

You’d have the dragon warrior as your own personal servant.

Wouldn’t that be awesome?

You’re the dragon warrior?

No way

He is, really.

Yeah, I had a hard time believing it too.

I defeated Kung Fu masters from across the land.

But to beat the dragon warrior and have him as my servant?

I accept your challenge.

Prepare to fight

Temutai, warrior king of the Qidon

I thought Temutai was a myth.

They say his Kung Fu is so strong,

He can tear an opponent in half without even touching him.

Wow

That is awesome.

Or it would be, to watch.

I won’t allow this.

You don’t have a choice.

Sit down

Feeling lucky, huh?

‘Cause here it comes.

I got dragon warrior style.

You’re not what I expected from the dragon warrior.

I get that a lot.

But wait till you experience my full boda city.

Do you need to take a minute to warm up or…

No.

Just getting my second wind.

That’s more like

Am I alive?

Po, this guy’s too big.

You can’t fight him Panda style.

Don’t know another style.

Well, you better figure one out

Sack of rice style?

You can beat him, Po.

I know you can.

Oh, thanks, princess,

But I

Hey

Princess style

This way.

Left here.

Ha

Do it, Po

Do it

Big finish

Oh, yeah

Who’s got the moves?

You.

You do.

So we can leave with the princess,

And you’ll keep your promise of peace, right?

Yes.

Oh

We need one more thing.

Awesome fried rice balls.

Yeah.

Oh, they got the bean paste just right, buddy.

That’s right, buddy.

Hold on, Wait.

Hold on, Wait.

What if we just take the gold and jade

But we leave the fabric?

Wait, all right, this is what

I’ll carry the fabric.

That pattern?

Really hard to find.

Unlike you idiots.

Darn it

Run

You guys.

Seriously?

Come on.

This is just embarrassing.